James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

So if she did not hold them right, my nose would be in a bad state forever and she was holding my nose and taking me on the street and way way along by the picture-house and the park and away way to the hospital.

The nurse was there. Who done it son?

I did not know. I had not seen the boy before. If he went to my school, I did not know, maybe he mixed me up. If he was in a gang from another street. There were battles with people in other streets. But ye did not know who they were, if it was one face, ye were just fighting and running or if ye were tossing stones or what. I had never seen that wee boy. He did not go to my school. If he was a Pape, maybe he was.

My nose got stitches sewn in by the doctors and was twisted up with a dent at the side and bandages were on it and a thing not to make it worse. People were laughing. Oh you are a real boxer.

Oh do not worry, said the nurse. The doctors said it would heal up because my grannie did a good job, she was the one that did it. People would just think I was a boxer.

That was right and my granda said it too. He was sitting in my house when me and my grannie came in. My maw was onto her feet and seeing my nose. Oh my oh no oh no. And she was grumpy and poking at it. Oh why do you have to fight Kieron. Why do you always have to fight. Then she was cuddling me but banged the bandages a wee bit.

Aahh mum.

Oh Kieron I am sorry.

The boy is scarred for life, said my grannie. The stitches leave a mark.

Oh it is only a wee mark, said my granda.

His nose is bashed and twisted, said my grannie. The wee soul, look at him!

Oh no. My maw cuddled me again. Oh I hate all this fighting why do ye have to do it. I am just fed up with it. It is not fair. Oh Kieron.

Mum it was boys done it to me, I was not fighting.

Who did it? said Mattie.

I did not speak back to him. I did not look at him. He said it again to me, Who did it? I did not want to speak to him. He never stuck up for me but just punched me. I did not care about him.

Oh living here is horrible, said my maw.

My granda was looking at her.

Oh but dad, it is.

It is no use talking to him, said my grannie.

No because my brains are scrambled listening to you all day.

Your brains are just scrambled. Imagine marrying you, I must have been thick.

No as thick as me.

Oh you are thick. Just look at that boy.

They all looked at me.

It is not my fault, said my granda.

Yes it is, said my grannie, you and yer stupid boxing. Oh what a nose! Look at the wee soul!

Oh wait till his father hears, said my maw.

Oh well son now ye are a real boxer.

My granda said how ye would never feel sorry for a real boxer, except if he got injuries to his head and passed away in hospital. That happened to a boxer and my granda was watching, it was maybe a punch to the side neck or above his ear, if it was a foul blow, maybe it was. My granda said it was but the referee was cheating and kidded on he did not see it. Then the other one that was the dirty boxer, he just hit the boy again oh just the hardest and how his knees just were jelly and ye saw his head spinning on his neck. Ye could see it just where ye were sitting. It just spun round so it went off his spine, and that was him.

Oh dad, dad. That was my grannie saying it, dad. She said that to my granda, Oh dad, shut up with that nonsense.

It is not nonsense Vera.

Hohhh, and my grannie just breathed hard and looked at my maw with her eyes big.

There was a place where they had boxing matches and my granda went. He did not go now but when he got better he was going to take me. It was not faraway and was always busy Ye were lucky to get a seat but he knew the people and could get seats just whenever he liked.

My brother said if he could come as well. He liked boxing.

Oh but my maw was angry. For Heaven sake dad have you not had enough fighting? Look at him! Just look at him! Oh Kieron why do you have to fight fight fight?

It was not me that was fighting but I did not say it. If one person was fighting the other person was, that was what she thought.

But if somebody shoved ye and ye were just walking. So if that was fighting, that was not fighting. Or if they just kicked ye. Ye were walking past and they did it. You did not do anything to them.

My maw was making toast but I did not want any, just bed. My grannie and granda went away home.

Mattie came the same time as me. Who was it that did it, if I knew who it was. I did not talk. I was thinking who it was and all what else I was thinking, oh I did not want to talk to Mattie. No. And I was not, I did not want to. He said, Oh if ever ye see him tell me.

Big brothers went after ones if they battered their young brothers. Maybe if Mattie would. Maybe he would.

If I ever saw that big brother again. Big brothers stick up for the wee ones. I was thinking of his face but could not see it right. He was just looking down at me, gripping me and doing all what anything, I just could not move, I could not move and his wee brother there, Oh just get it, and he would just drop it, just a jaggy boulder, if it was coming on my nose, I could not stop it and do anything.

I did not see faces right. If it was my da, if it was his face. I thought about him and he was sitting at the table. Oh you stop that, angry voices and just grumpy, Oh away to yer bed. I could not see his face.

My nose was sore and it was a funny sore how it went, if everything came out it and just was nothing left and was only a bone, if I took off the bandage, my nose would all be white and people would just laugh, they would. But if I went on my side it was another way it was sore and I did not do it. Matt was away to sleep. I was glad and shifted to the very very edge, if his feet touched, I did not want to touch them, I did not want him and anybody.

***

A big boy showed me how to make hatchets. I liked making them. When ye were fighting gangs ye had them for close-in fighting. Ye got tin cans out the midgies and then wooden sticks. Ye bashed the tin down with a boulder then put in the stick and bashed it down again till it was stuck. Ye tried to get good ragged edges. A big boy said, Oh your hatchets are good. He said they were tomahawks. Oh Kieron makes good tomahawks.

I planked them round the side of the midgie. A big boy wanted one. I gived him it. It had a right raggedy edge and was good. He took it and split a boy's head open. It stuck in his scalp. Somebody pulled it out and the blood soaked all his hair. His hair was soaked with it. All black and flat to his head but then at the other side his hair was sticking up and ye saw it red.

Oh if the cops were coming, somebody said they were, and if they got me, I was thinking that, oh because I got the hatchet.

People all were talking how it was going to be a big fight. Oh it was a pitched fight, if it was pitched, a pitched fight. Their gang would come and ours would be there and then ye would just be fighting.

And if they had knives too, their gang had all knives and people were going to get chibbed. So if we had knives we could get them or just if it was hatchets. Big boys were saying how their das had hammers and if they could get them or else screwdrivers for stabbing. Mattie was there and he was looking at me, if I was going to tell or what was I going to do. Other wee boys were there and we were just waiting, what to do, Oh make hatchets.

The gang was coming. I told boys in my class. They were in gangs too and if it was their gang coming to fight ours. They did not know.

But a gang did come and we got all stones. I did not know these boys. A lot of them was there. They chased us and we were all in a close and could not get out. They were at the front and firing in at us and we were diving up the stairs, the stones firing off the walls and hitting into our ankles. We rushed out the back but ones were waiting there and pelted us. They had a lot of boys oh and were just firing in at us and a woman's window got smashed in and a pram got hit and the cops all were coming.