Mark Dunn - Ella Minnow Pea

Gwenette

Ella here: I plan to be asleep as well. I am working longer hours at the launderette now. All of these emigrating islanders are so insistent upon packing only the most spanking clean clothes into their trunks and suitcases. I do not blame them, but it is exhausting work!

The* uick brown fox jumps over the la* y dog

NOLLOPVILLE

Monday, August 28

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Towgate,

I am Tassie Purcy, daughter of Mrs. Mittie Purcy, your son Timmy’s teacher. I am writing to ask why you felt it necessary to report my mother’s slip of the tongue to the island authorities. Mistakes will be made by all of us during these trying times, and it is my belief that latitude should be extended to those like my mother who are employed in professions in which one is called upon to speak for long, wearying periods and through a wide swath of subject areas.

I believe there was an element of cruelty in what you did, the source of which I now seek your assistance in dowsing. My mother has done nothing to harm any member of your family, and has been especially attentive and helpful to your son Timmy who is a restless student and a slow learner.

This whole incident has distressed her greatly. Please explain why it was necessary.

Sincerely ,

Tassie Purcy

NOLLOPVILLE

Tuesday, August 29

Dear Miss Purcy,

We are sorry that the performance of our civic duty has resulted in distress to your mother. We assure you that it was not our intent to single her out for any specific harm, nor was the report made in retaliation for any wrong which we feel was done to our son Timmy or to any other member of our village clan by your mother.

We believe, Miss Purcy, as you obviously do not, that there is full cause and merit to the statutes recently passed by the Island Council. We believe, further, that Nollop does indeed speak to us from his place of eternal rest, through the manipulation of the tiles upon his hallowed cenotaph, and that the Council serves only as his collective interpreter. If I understand correctly, it is your belief that the two restrictions recently imposed upon the residents of this island have been fashioned for some purpose to which Nollop is not even party. A fairly blasphemous position you hold, if I may be so bold. If such were the case, would not the Council exempt itself from such restrictions? And yet, I know, as you must, that our Council members ask nothing of us that they are not willing to ask of themselves.

My wife Georgeanne and I are happy to see members of the Island Council continue to serve as sole diviners of the will of Nollop. (For who should know better than the most sage among us?) Perhaps you and your mother fancy yourselves standing upon the same high plain. Know this: such a self-delusional position can only serve to isolate you from the rest of this community at a time when we ought to be meeting our challenges in full union and concert.

Why do we follow, without misgiving, the will of Nollop? Simply because without him this island would be a shallow shell, an empty conch compared to what it has, in fact, become: a beautiful, sandy-shored haven of enchantment and delishmerelle. And without whom the world would never have been given the foxy-dog sentence we have all grown to cherish (but which, naturally, until instructed otherwise, we must no longer speak or write in its entirety).

Your mother should essay to be more careful in the future.

Sincerely ,

Nash Towgate

Dear Tassie Purcy,

I must insert this note with my husband’s letter, and state, first, that I am in full accord with the sentiments contained therein. I sincerely believe, as do several who have joined me for biweekly talk group sessions, that Nollop, as one who put great emphasis upon the word, is now attempting to pry us away from our traditional heavipendence on linguistic orthodoxy. Through this challenge, he hopes to move us away from lexical discourse as we now know it, and toward the day in which we can relate to one another in sweet pureplicity through the taciteries of the heart. Brilliant in life — now brilliant eternal in his conveyances from Beyond!

With all cordiality ,

Georgeanne Towgate

PS. If you and your mother wish to join our talk groups you would be most welcome; we gather in my front parlor each Tuesday and Thursday evening at 7:30.

PPS. As an additional demonstration that there is absolutely no ill will being extended to your mother by anyone within the Towgate household, please accept, as well, my invitation to the both of you to join me and other villagers-artistically-inclined for our bimonthly Monday night tempera bees. (Until last week these were weekly gatherings, but too many among our membership wished to be released to attend the newly established Village Women’s Humming Chorus.)

NOLLOPVILLE

Wednesday, August 30

Dear Sister Gwennnetttte:

Robbed of two letters, I now chooooose to overuuuse the twenty-four which remaaaain.

I hope you and Amos are well. I haven’t been feeeeeeling myself lately. Tassie worrrrrrries about me. Sheee shouldn’t. I will bounce back as I always do do do do do do do do do do do.

Love ,

Your Sister Mittieeeeeeeeeee

SAVANNAH, GEORGIA,

U.S.A.

Friday, September 1

Dear Ms. Purcy,

My name is Nathaniel Warren. I am a Master’s candidate in history and sociology at the University of Georgia. I am also publisher and editor of a new academic journal Nollopiana with publication of its first issue slated for later this fall. As you might guess, my journal is exclusively devoted to your island, its people, and its unusual history.

Last week I was contacted by someone you know: a young man by the name of William Creevy. Mr. Creevy had heard of my publication and wondered if I might like to write about his recent expulsion. He is presently without income and says he could benefit from any compensation I might offer. I agreed, but soon came to see that another more broadly encompassing article begs to be written.

Through my lifelong interest in Nollop I have gained a level of familiarity with your country that has until now been matched by only a handful of Americans and Nollopian expatriates. That interest has fueled a desire to learn as much as I can about your island, and to share what I learn with others. In light of recent events, this mission has become much easier. Lately, Americans have started to take much closer notice of their tiny neighbor to the southeast. In fact, I estimate that if these strange edicts erupting from your high council continue, the whole world may soon be demonstrating a rubbernecking interest in your plight. I have already made a number of advanced subscription sales to residents of the coastal tidelands whose number now includes a growing community of Nollopian émigrés.

Now to my reason for writing: I would like to come to Nollop for a lengthy visit, for purposes of investigating this odd, unprecedented political and social crisis in which you now find yourself embroiled. Since my interest in Nollop has been hidden to some degree by the veil of academia, my name and face may not be known to the Council, and so my application for short-term visa may stand a chance for approval. I know that the Council has, since Statute 24–37, refused entry to all American journalists and scholars. (All the news of the latest goings-on has come from those who have involuntarily — or in an increasing number of cases, voluntarily — left the island.) As an added precaution I will assume, with your permission, the role of “old friend of the family.” Mr. Creevy reports that you and your daughter have remained in Council favor, and so I’m hopeful that such a visit won’t raise governmental objections.