Harold Jaffe - Induced Coma

Loiter around women’s toilets or men’s lockers.

Voyeur tech — beats the shit out of being invisible.

Record the raunch.

Shake yo’ bejesus.

A South Carolina male has been found guilty of second degree child cruelty for slapping a crying 2-year-old at a Walmart.

The mother carrying her child was shopping when the toddler began crying. The man, 61, approached the mother and said, “If you don’t shut that baby up, I will.”

He slapped the child four or five times in the face. Then he glared at the mother: “See, I told you I would shut her up.”

I think you left something out.

What’s that?

Call it an educated guess: Child is black, assailant white?

You’ve read the script.

The Prosecutor’s Office reported on its website that an arrest was made in a “bias incident” at a Walmart store in southern New Jersey.

A male voice came over the Walmart public address system Saturday evening and announced:

Attention, Walmart customers: All black people must leave the store immediately.

Gandhi, shot to death by an infuriated Brahmin, was reported to have uttered “Ram” (Lord Rama).

Serial killer John Wayne Gacy, about to be executed by lethal injection, shot back: “Kiss my ass.”

Lenny Bruce, transported to the ambulance after ODing on heroin, muttered about the nurse tending to him: “I saw her pussy.”

Timothy Learysuddenly raised his head on his deathbed and whispered: “Why not? Why not?”

Leary repeated his final utterance in case someone in attendance did not hear it.

Then he died — or faked dying.

Man’s a holy foo’.

I wager his ass is still trippin’.

Earth has suffered through 5 mass extinctions, the worst of which was 220 million years ago when 96 % of marine and 70 % of terrestrial organisms disappeared.

Scientists believe that our planet is threatened with the 6th mass extinction and that it has already begun.

Radical change in the chemical composition of ocean water is the crucial factor in the gradual sliding to mass extinction.

The worst extinction crises in history were dependent on chemical changes in oceans.

The oceans of Planet Earth are contaminated beyond reclaim.

Scientists attribute the sixth mass extinction to man and his institutions.

A driverpassed out in his 1961 El Camino at a gas station while a batch of methamphetamine was cooking in the passenger seat.

A stationemployee in Murfreesboro called police after the car was sitting at the pump for two hours on Labor Day.

Police saya chemical process to make the drug was in progress.

Meth-makingingredients can be explosive, so gas pumps were shut down as a precaution.

The driver, 26, is being held on a $35,000 bond charged with driving under the influence, driving on a suspended license, reckless endangerment, manufacturing methamphetamine without FDA approval.

Pingping, the world’s shortest man, insists he prefers managing his hairdressing salon to craving fame.

The 22-year-old, who lives with his 5 sisters in Inner Mongolia, is just 73cm tall — making him (Guinness) the shortest man with the ability to walk, or waddle.

Pingping’s favorite hobby: Murdering large people.

From a gallery above the frantic proceedings of the New York Stock Exchange, toss dollar bills to the traders below.

Mock them as they scramble to snatch the $$.

Yippie commander Magic Jew Abbie Hoffman did that in August ’67, making WASP Wall Street do the money-hop.

Shit, can’t be morning / Fuck that shit

Crawl naked unsteady out of spherical waterbed in nameless hotel anywhere city

Ceiling-mirror shattered / stained from group-grope action the night before or night before that

Spike your good-morning OJ with liquid meth

Three long tokes on the waterpipe

Slip on something suede with tassels smelling of cigarette smoke, patchouli

Zombie out to the elevator barefoot, press Pfor Penthouse

Ah, your mates are sitting at the bar, but who the fuck are they ?

Man, it’s those honky reporters from Rolling Stone & Crawdaddy Fuckin’ 9:30 in the morning

A study found that 91 percent of dollar bills contain traces of cocaine. That is nearly 30 percent higher than two years ago when 63 percent of greenbacks contained cocaine.

The startling discovery points to the increasingly widespread use of cocaine in the US, the world’s biggest consumer of the drug. Money gets contaminated with coke when drug dealers make a transaction or when users snort the drug using a rolled bill.

Washington DC topped US cities with 97 percent of dollar bills found to contain cocaine. The cleanest bills were collected from Green Bay, Wisconsin.

A 19-year-old raped & strangled was found on the Texas side of the border nude except for her cotton & lycra thong.

Oddity: The murdered teen who customarily wore a g-string was wearing a v-string. [Definition: see Wiki.]

Moreover, according to her sister, the murdered teen’s g-string was “canary” whereas the v-string was “apricot.”

Asked how the case was progressing, the lead investigator lit a Marlboro and looked up with bloodshot eyes: “I don’t know shit about thongs, okay? Plus I’m colorblind. But I promise you this:

“We’re gonna fuck up the illegal alien that done her.”

Cory Leigh Peppers has become the first human to be officially designated as gender not specified —neither male nor female.

Peppers, born male 48 years ago in Inverness, Scotland, became a female at age 29 after a sex change operation in Australia.

However, Peppers did not feel comfortable as a female and decided to separate from gender altogether, to become “neuter.”

Officials in New South Wales, Australia, have now altered Peppers’ birth certificate to specify the neutral gender.

Peppers has posted some details about his unprecedented reclassification on “Neuter Blog.”

Still to be formally addressed is the restroom question.

A 17-year-old girl with munitions strapped to her body boards a crowded bus.

A squadron of jets consult their monitors as they bomb from above the cloud line.

One act we ritually define as “terrorism”; the other as righteous assault.

Who is doing the defining?

Whose purpose does the definition serve?

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber blew himself up while severely wounding a Saudi prince in Jeddah.

The bombing left people wondering how one of the most wanted al-Qaeda operatives in Saudi Arabia could get so close to the royal head of counter-terrorism to explode himself and mutilate the prince.

The answer is the explosive was inside the bomber’s body; he swallowed it.

Western forensic experts are profoundly worried that this deadly new tactic will influence other terrorists; if so, it will render traditional airport security metal detectors obsolete.