Jane Bowles - My Sister's Hand in Mine - The Collected Works of Jane Bowles

MOLLY I’m not asleep.

GERTRUDE Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. It frightens me … I feel that you are plotting something. Especially when you get inside that summer house. I think your black hair helps me to feel that way. Whenever I think of a woman going wild, I always picture her with black hair, never blond or red. I know that what I’m saying has no connection with a scientific truth. It’s very personal. They say red-haired women go wild a lot but I never picture it that way. Do you?

MOLLY I don’t guess I’ve ever pictured women going wild.

GERTRUDE And why not? They do all the time. They break the bonds … Sometimes I picture little scenes where they turn evil like wolves … ( Shuddering ) I don’t choose to, but I do all the same.

MOLLY I’ve never seen a wild woman.

GERTRUDE ( Music ) On the other hand, sometimes I wake up at night with a strange feeling of isolation … as if I’d fallen off the cliffs and landed miles away from everything that was close to my heart … Even my griefs and my sorrows don’t seem to belong to me. Nothing does — as if a shadow had passed over my whole life and made it dark. I try saying my name aloud, over and over again, but it doesn’t hook things together. Whenever I feel that way I put my wrapper on and I go down into the kitchen. I open the ice chest and take out some fizzy water. Then I sit at the table with the light switched on and by and by I feel all right again. ( The music fades. Then in a more matter-of-fact tone ) There is no doubt that each one of us has to put up with a shadow or two as he grows older. But if we occupy ourselves while the shadow passes, it passes swiftly enough and scarcely leaves a trace of our daily lives … ( She knits for a moment. Then looks up the road ) The girl who is coming here this afternoon is about seventeen. She should be arriving pretty soon. I also think that Mr. Solares will be arriving shortly and that he’ll be bringing one of his hot picnic luncheons with him today. I can feel it in my bones. It’s disgraceful of me, really, to allow him to feed us on our own lawn, but then, their mouths count up to six, while ours count up to only two. So actually it’s only half a disgrace. I hope Mr. Solares realizes that. Besides, I might be driven to accepting his marriage offer and then the chicken would be in the same pot anyway. Don’t you agree?

MOLLY Yes.

GERTRUDE You don’t seem very interested in what I’m saying.

MOLLY Well, I …

GERTRUDE I think that you should be more of a conversationalist. You never express an opinion, nor do you seem to have an outlook. What on earth is your outlook?

MOLLY ( Uncertainly ) Democracy …

GERTRUDE I don’t think you feel very strongly about it. You don’t listen to the various commentators, nor do you ever glance at the newspapers. It’s very easy to say that one is democratic, but that doesn’t prevent one from being a slob if one is a slob. I’ve never permitted myself to become a slob, even though I sit home all the time and avoid the outside world as much as possible. I’ve never liked going out any more than my father did. He always avoided the outside world. He hated a lot of idle gossip and had no use for people anyway. “Let the world do its dancing and its drinking and its interkilling without me,” he always said. “They’ll manage perfectly well; I’ll stick to myself and my work.” ( The music comes up again and she is lost in a dream ) When I was a little girl I made up my mind that I was going to be just like him. He was my model, my ideal. I admired him more than anyone on earth. And he admired me of course. I was so much like him — ambitious, defiant, a fighting cock always. I worshipped him. But I was never meek, not like Ellen my sister. She was very frail and delicate. My father used to put his arms around her, and play with her hair, long golden curls … Ellen was the weak one. That’s why he spoiled her. He pitied Ellen. ( With wonder, and very delicately, as if afraid to break a spell. The music expresses the sorrow she is hiding from herself ) Once he took her out of school, when she was ten years old. He bought her a little fur hat and they went away together for two whole weeks. I was left behind. I had no reason to leave school. I was healthy and strong. He took her to a big hotel on the edge of a lake. The lake was frozen, and they sat in the sunshine all day long, watching the people skate. When they came back he said, “Look at her, look at Ellen. She has roses in her cheeks.” He pitied Ellen, but he was proud of me. I was his true love. He never showed it … He was so frightened Ellen would guess. He didn’t want her to be jealous, but I knew the truth … He didn’t have to show it. He didn’t have to say anything. ( The music fades and she knits furiously, coming back to the present ) Why don’t you go inside and clean up? It might sharpen your wits. Go and change that rumpled dress.

MOLLY (MOLLY comes out of the summer house and sniffs a blossom ) The honeysuckle’s beginning to smell real good. I can never remember when you planted this vine, but it’s sure getting thick. It makes the summer house so nice and shady inside.

GERTRUDE ( Stiffening in anger ) I told you never to mention that vine again. You know it was there when we bought this house. You love to call my attention to that wretched vine because it’s the only thing that grows well in the garden and you know it was planted by the people who came here before us and not by me at all. ( She rises and paces the balcony ) You’re mocking me for being such a failure in the garden and not being able to make things grow. That’s an underhanded Spanish trait of yours you inherit from your father. You love to mock me.

MOLLY ( Tenderly ) I would never mock you.

GERTRUDE ( Working herself up ) I thought I’d find peace here … with these waving palms and the ocean stretching as far as the eye can see, but you don’t like the ocean … You won’t even go in the water. You’re afraid to swim … I thought we’d found a paradise at last — the perfect place — but you don’t want paradise … You want hell. Well, go into your little house and rot if you like … I don’t care. Go on in while you still can. It won’t be there much longer … I’ll marry Mr. Solares and send you to business school. ( The voices of MR. SOLARES and his family arriving with a picnic lunch stop her. She leans over the railing of the balcony and looks up the road ) Oh, here they come with their covered pots. I knew they’d appear with a picnic luncheon today. I could feel it in my bones. We’ll put our own luncheon away for supper and have our supper tomorrow for lunch … Go and change … Quickly … Watch that walk. (MOLLY exits into the house. GERTRUDE settles down in her chair to prepare for MR. SOLARES’ arrival ) I wish they weren’t coming. I’d rather be here by myself really. ( Enter Spanish people ) Nature’s the best company of all. ( She pats her bun and rearranges some hairpins. Then she stands up and waves to her guests, cupping her mouth and yelling at the same time ) Hello there!

( In another moment MR. SOLARES, MRS. LOPEZ and her daughter, FREDERICA, and the three servants enter, walking in single file down the lane. Two of the servants are old hags and the third is a young half caste, ESPERANZA, in mulberry-colored satin. The servants all carry pots wrapped with bright bandanas. )

MR. SOLARES ( He wears a dark dusty suit. Pushing ahead of his sister, MRS. LOPEZ, in his haste to greet GERTRUDE and thus squeezing his sister’s arm rather painfully against the gate post ) Hello, Miss Eastman Cuevas! (MRS. LOPEZ squeals with pain and rubs her arm. She is fat and middle-aged. She wears a black picture hat and black city dress. Her hat is decorated with flowers, MR. SOLARES speaks with a trace of an accent, having lived for many years in this country. Grinning and bobbing around ) We brought you a picnic. For you and your daughter. Plenty of everything! You come down into the garden.