Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

Amy did this with such a Stock of Assurance, that the Girl was confounded, and knew not what to say; but the more she hesitated, the more Amy press’d her to go; and talking very kindly to her, told her , If she did not go to see her Lodgings, she might go to keep her Company, and she wou’d pay a Boat to bring her back-again, so, in a word, Amy prevail’d on her to go into the Boat with her, and carry’d her down to Greenwich .

’Tis certain, that Amy had no more Business at Greenwich than I had; nor was she going thither; but we were all hamper’d to the last Degree, with the Impertinence of this Creature; and in particular, I was horribly perplex’d with it.

As they were in the Boat, Amy began to reproach her with Ingratitude, in treating her so rudely, who had done so much for her, and been so kind to her; and to ask her what she had got by it? or what she expected to get? Then came in my Share, the Lady Roxana; Amy jested with that, and banter’d her a little; and ask’d her , if she had found her yet?

But Amy was both surpriz’d and enrag’d, when the Girl told her roundly, That she thank’d her for what she had done for her; but that she wou’d not have her think she was so ignorant, as not to know that what she [Amy] had done, was by her Mother’s Order; and who she was beholden to for it: That she cou’d never make Instruments pass for Principals, and pay the Debt to the Agent, when the Obligation was all to the Original: That she knew well enough who she was, and who she was employ’d by: That she knew the Lady — very well, (naming the Name that I now went by) which was my Husband’s true Name, and by which she might know whether she had found out her Mother or no.

Amy wish’d her at the Bottom of the Thames ; and had there been no Watermen in the Boat, and no-body in sight, she swore to me , she wou’d have thrown her into the River: I was horribly disturb’d when she told me this Story, and began to think this wou’d, at last, all end in my Ruin; but when Amy spoke of throwing her into the River, and drowning her, I was so provok’d at her, that all my Rage turn’d against Amy , and I fell thorowly out with her: I had now kept Amy almost thirty Year, and found her, on all Occasions, the faithfulest Creature to me, that ever Woman had; I say , faithful to me; for however wicked she was, still she was true to me; and even this Rage of hers was all upon my Account, and for fear any Mischief shou’d befal me.

But be that how it wou’d, I cou’d not bear the Mention of her Murthering the poor Girl, and it put me so beside myself, that I rise up in a Rage, and bade her get out of my Sight, and out of my House; told her , I had kept her too long, and that I wou’d never see her Face more; I had before told her, That she was a Murtherer, and a bloody-minded Creature; that she cou’d not but know that I cou’d not bear the Thought of it, much less the Mention of it; and that it was the impudentest Thing that ever was known, to make such a Proposal to me, when she knew that I was really the Mother of this Girl, and that she was my own Child; that it was wicked enough in her; but that she must conclude I was ten times wickeder than herself, if I cou’d come into it: That the Girl was in the right, and I had nothing to blame her for; but that it was owing to the Wickedness of my Life, that made it necessary for me to keep her from a Discovery; but that I wou’d not murther my Child, tho’ I was otherwise to be ruin’d by it: Amy reply’d somewhat rough and short, Would I not, but she wou’d, she said , if she had an Opportunity: And upon these Words it was that I bade her get out of my Sight, and out of my House; and it went so far, that Amy pack’d up her Alls, and march’d off, and was gone for almost good-and-all: But of that in its Order; I must go back to her Relation of the Voyage which they made to Greenwich together .

They held on the Wrangle all-the-way by Water; the Girl insisted upon her knowing that I was her Mother, and told her all the History of my Life in the Pallmall , as well after her being turn’d away, as before; and of my Marriage since; and which was worse, not only who my present Husband was, but where he had liv’d, viz . at Roan in France ; she knew nothing of Paris , or of where we was going to live, Namely , at Nimuegen; but told her in so many Words , That if she cou’d not find me here, she would go to Holland after me.

They landed at Greenwich , and Amy carried her into the Park with her, and they walk’d above two Hours there, in the farthest and remotest Walks; which Amy did, because as they talk’d with great heat, it was apparent they were quarrelling, and the People took Notice of it.

They walk’d till they came almost to the Wilderness, at the South side of the Park; but the Girl perceiving Amy offer’d to go in there, among the Woods, and Trees, stopp’d short there, and wou’d go no farther; but said , She wou’d not go in there.

Amy smil’d, and ask’d her what was the Matter? She replied short , She did not know where she was, nor where she was going to carry her, and she wou’d go no farther; and without any-more Ceremony, turns back, and walks apace away from her: Amy own’d she was surpriz’d; and came back too, and call’d to her; upon which the Girl stopt, and Amy coming up to her, ask’d her, what she meant?

The Girl boldly replied , She did not know but she might murther her; and that, in short , She wou’d not trust herself with her; and never wou’d come into her Company again, alone.

It was very provoking; but however, Amy kept her Temper, with much Difficulty, and bore it, knowing that much might depend upon it; so she mock’d her foolish Jealousie, and told her , She need not be uneasie for her, she wou’d do her no Harm, and wou’d have done her Good, if she wou’d have let her; but since she was of such a refractory Humour, she shou’d not trouble herself, for she shou’d never come into her Company again; and that neither she, nor her Brother, or Sister, shou’d ever hear from her, or see her any-more; and so she shou’d have the Satisfaction of being the Ruin of her Brother and Sister, as well as of herself.

The Girl seem’d a little mollif’d at that, and said , That for herself, she knew the worst of it, she cou’d seek her Fortune; but ’twas hard her Brother and Sister shou’d suffer on her Score; and said something that was tender, and well enough, on that Account: But Amy told her , It was for her to take that into Consideration; for she wou’d let her see, that it was all her own; that she wou’d have done them all Good, but that having been us’d thus, she wou’d do no more for any of them; and that she shou’d not need to be afraid to come into her Company again, for she wou’d never give her Occasion for it any-more; by the way , [that] was false in the Girl too, for she did venture into Amy’s Company again after that, once too much; as I shall relate by itself .

They grew cooler however, afterwards, and Amy carry’d her into a House at Greenwich , where she was acquainted, and took an Occasion to leave the Girl in a Room a-while, to speak to the People in the House, and so prepare them to own her as a Lodger in the House; and then going in to her again, told her , There she lodg’d, if she had a-mind to find her out; or if any-body else had any-thing to say to her; and so Amy dismiss’d her, and got rid of her again; and finding an empty Hackney-Coach in the Town, came away by Land to London ; and the Girl going down to the Water-side, came by Boat.