Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

My faithful Agent the QUAKER, fail’d not to write to me immediately; but as she was a cunning, as well as an honest Woman, it presently occurr’d to her, that this was a Story, which, whether True or False, was not very fit to come to my Husband’s Knowledge; that as she did not know what I might have been, or might have been call’d in former Times, and how far there might have been something or nothing in it, so she thought if it was a Secret, I ought to have the telling it myself; and if it was not, it might as well be publick afterwards, as now; and that, at least , she ought to leave it where she found it, and not hand it forwards to any-body without my Consent: These prudent Measures were inexpressibly kind, as well as seasonable; for it had been likely enough that her Letter might have come publickly to me, and tho’ my Husband wou’d not have open’d it, yet it wou’d have look’d a little odd that I shou’d conceal its Contents from him, when I had pretended so much to communicate all my Affairs.

In Consequence of this wise Caution, my good Friend only wrote me in few Words, That the impertinent Young-Woman had been with her, as she expected she wou’d; and that she thought it wou’d be very convenient that, if I cou’d spare Cherry , I wou’d send her up, (meaning Amy) because she found there might be some Occasion for her.

As it happen’d, this Letter was enclos’d to Amy herself, and not sent by the Way I had at first order’d; but it came safe to my Hands; and tho’ I was allarm’d a little at it, yet I was not acquainted with the Danger I was in of an immediate Visit from this teizing [368] teizing : See note 145. Creature, till afterwards; and I run a greater Risque indeed, than ordinary, in that I did not send Amy up under thirteen or fourteen Days, believing myself as much conceal’d at Tunbridge , as if I had been at Vienna .

But the Concern my faithful SPY, ( for such my QUAKER was now, upon the meer foot of her own Sagacity ) I say, her Concern for me, was my Safety in this Exigence, when I was, as it were , keeping no Guard for myself; for finding Amy not come up, and that she did not know how soon this wild Thing might put her design’d Ramble in Practice, she sent a Messenger to the Captain’s Wife’s House, where she lodg’d, to tell her that she wanted to speak with her: She was at the Heels of the Messenger, and came eager for some News; and hop’d, she said , the Lady, (meaning me) had been come to Town.

The QUAKER, with as much Caution as she was Mistress of, not to tell a downright Lye , made her believe she expected to hear of me very quickly; and frequently by the by , speaking of being Abroad to take the Air, talk’d of the Country about Bury , how pleasant it was; how wholesome; and how fine an Air: How the Downs about Newmarket were exceeding fine; and what a vast deal of Company there was, now the Court was there; till at last, the Girl began to conclude, that my Ladyship was gone thither; for, she said , She knew I lov’d to see a great-deal of Company.

Nay, says my Friend, thou tak’st me wrong, I did not suggest, says she , that the Person thou enquir’st after, is gone thither, neither do I believe she is, I assure thee : Well, the Girl smil’d, and let her know, that she believ’d it for-all that; so, to clench it fast, Verily says she, with great Seriousness, Thou do’st not do well, for thou suspectest every-thing, and believest nothing: I speak solemnly to thee , that I do not believe they are gone that Way; so if thou giv’st thyself the Trouble to go that Way, and art disappointed, do not say that I have deceiv’d thee . She knew well enough, that if this did abate her Suspicion, it wou’d not remove it; and that it wou’d do little more than amuse [369] amuse : bewilder, deceive. her; but by this she kept her in suspence till Amy came up, and that was enough.

When Amy came up, she was quite confounded, to hear the Relation which the QUAKER gave her, and found means to acquaint me of it; only letting me know, to my great Satisfaction, that she wou’d not come to Tunbridge first; but that she wou’d certainly go to Newmarket or Bury first.

However, it gave me very great Uneasiness; for as she resolv’d to ramble in search after me, over the whole Country, I was safe no-where, no, not in Holland itself; so indeed, I did not know what to do with her: And thus I had a Bitter in all my Sweet , for I was continually perplex’d with this Hussy, and thought she haunted me like an Evil Spirit.

In the mean time, Amy was next-door to stark-mad about her; she durst not see her at my Lodgings, for her Life; and she went Days without Number, to Spittle-Fields , where she us’d to come, and to her former Lodging, and cou’d never meet with her; at length , she took up a mad Resolution, that she wou’d go directly to the Captain’s House in Redriff , and speak with her; it was a mad Step, that’s true , but, as Amy said , she was mad, so nothing she cou’d do, cou’d be otherwise: For if Amy had found her at Redriff , she (the Girl) wou’d have concluded presently, that the QUAKER had given her Notice, and so that we were all of a Knot, [370] of a Knot : associated together, in touch with one another. and that, in short , all she had said was right: But as it happen’d, things came to hit [371] came to hit : succeeded, worked out. better than we expected; for that Amy going out of a Coach, to take Water at Tower-Wharf , [372] Tower-Wharf : the wharf beside the tower of London. As London Bridge was the only bridge over the Thames, crossings by boat were necessary and frequent. meets the Girl just come on-Shoar, having cross’d the Water from Redriff. Amy made as if she wou’d have pass’d by her, tho’ they met so full that she did not pretend she did not see her, for she look’d fairly upon her first; but then turning her Head away, with a Slight, offer’d to go from her; but the Girl stopp’d, and spoke first, and made some Manners [373] Manners : polite gestures. to her.

Amy spoke coldly to her, and a little angry; and after some Words, standing in the Street, or Passage, the Girl saying , she seem’d to be angry, and wou’d not have spoken to her: Why , says Amy, How can you expect I shou’d have any-more to say to you, after I had done so much for you, and you behav’d so to me ? The Girl seem’d to take no Notice of that now, but answer’d, I was going to wait on you now : Wait on me! says Amy ; what do you mean by that? Why, says she again, with a kind of Familiarity , I was going to your Lodgings.

Amy was provok’d to the last Degree at her, and yet she thought it was not her time to resent, because she had a more fatal and wicked Design in her Head, against her; which indeed, I never knew till after it was executed, nor durst Amy ever communicate it to me; for as I had always express’d myself vehemently against hurting a Hair of her Head, so she was resolv’d to take her own Measures, without consulting me any-more.

In order to this, Amy gave her good Words, and conceal’d her Resentment as much as she cou’d; and when she talk’d of going to her Lodging, Amy smil’d, and said nothing, but call’d for a Pair of Oars to go to Greenwich ; and ask’d her, seeing she said she was going to her Lodging, to go along with her, for she was going Home, and was all-alone.