Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

She seem’d to think it strange at first, considering how close I liv’d, but had nothing to say when she found I did not value the Expence; so in short, I resolv’d I wou’d have a Coach: When we came to talk of Equipages; she extoll’d the having all things plain; I said so too; so I left it to her Direction, and a Coach-Maker was sent for, and he provided me a plain Coach, no gilding or painting, lin’d with a light-grey Cloath, and my Coachman had a Coat of the same, and no Lace on his Hat.

When all was ready, I dress’d myself in the Dress I bought of her, and said , Come, I’ll be a QUAKER to-Day, and you and I’ll go Abroad; which we did, and there was not a QUAKER in the Town look’d less like a Counterfeit than I did: But all this was my particular Plot to be the more compleatly conceal’d, and that I might depend upon being not known, and yet need not be confin’d like a Prisoner, and be always in Fear; so that all the rest was Grimace. [245] Grimace : pretence, sham.

We live’d here very easie and quiet, and yet I cannot say I was so in my Mind; I was like a Fish out of Water; I was as gay, and as young in my Disposition, as I was at five and twenty; and as I had always been courted, flatter’d, and us’d to love it, so I miss’d it in my Conversation; [246] Conversation : way of life. and this put me many times, upon looking-back upon things past.

I had very few Moments in my Life, which in their Reflection, afforded me any-thing but Regret; but of all the foolish Actions I had to look back upon in my Life, none look’d so preposterous, and so like Distraction, nor left so much Melancholly on my Mind, as my Parting with my Friend, the Merchant of Paris , and the refusing him upon such honourable and just Conditions as he had offer’d; and tho’ on his just (which I call’d unkind) rejecting my Invitation to come to him again, I had look’d on him with some Disgust, yet now my Mind run upon him continually, and the ridiculous Conduct of my refusing him, and I cou’d never be satisfied about him; I flatter’d myself, that if I cou’d but see him, I cou’d yet Master him, and that he wou’d presently forget all that had pass’d, that might be thought unkind; but as there was no room to imagine any-thing like that to be possible, I threw those Thoughts off again as much as I cou’d.

However, they continually return’d, and I had no Rest Night or Day, for thinking of him, who I had forgot above eleven Years. I told Amy of it, and we talk’d it over sometimes in-Bed, almost whole Nights together; at last, Amy started a thing of her own Head, which put it in a Way of Management, tho’ a wild one too: You are so uneasie, Madam , says she, about this Mr . —, the Merchant at Paris; Come , says she, if you’ll give me Leave, I’ll go over, and see what’s become of him .

Not for ten Thousand Pounds, said I ; no, nor if you met him in the Street, not to offer to speak to him on my Account: No, says Amy , I wou’d not speak to him at-all, or if I did, I warrant you it shall not look to be upon your Account; I’ll only enquire after him, and if he is in Being, you shall hear of him; if not, you shall hear of him still, and that may be enough.

Why, says I , if you will promise me not to enter into any-thing relating to me, with him; nor to begin any Discourse at-all, unless he begins it with you, I cou’d almost, be perswaded to let you go and try.

Amy promis’d me all that I desir’d; and, in a word, to cut the Story short, I let her go; but ty’d her up to so many Particulars, that it was almost impossible, her going cou’d signifie any-thing; and had she intended to observe them, she might as well have staid at-home as have gone; for I charg’d her, if she came to see him, she shou’d not so much as take Notice that she knew him again; and if he spoke to her, she shou’d tell him, she was come away from me a great-many Years ago, and knew nothing what was become of me; that she had been come-over to France six Years ago, and was marry’d there, and liv’d at Calais , or to that Purpose.

Amy promis’d me nothing indeed; for, as she said , it was impossible for her to resolve what wou’d be fit to do, or not to do, till she was there, upon the Spot, and had found out the Gentleman, or heard of him; but that then, if I wou’d trust her, as I had always done, she wou’d answer for it, that she wou’d do nothing but what shou’d be for my Interest, and what she wou’d hope I shou’d be very well pleas’d with.

With this general Commision, Amy , notwithstanding she had been so frighted at the Sea, ventur’d her Carcass once more by Water; and away she goes to France ; she had four Articles of Confidence in Charge to enquire after, for me; and as I found by her, she had one for herself; I say, four for me, because tho’ her first and principal Errand was, to inform herself of my Dutch Merchant; yet I gave her in Charge to enquire, 2. After my Husband, who I left a Trooper in the Gensd’arms . 3. After that Rogue of a Jew , whose very Name I hated, and of whose Face I had such a frightful Idea , that Sathan himself cou’d not counterfeit a worse: And Lastly , After my Foreign Prince: And she discharg’d herself very well of them all, tho’ not so successful as I wish’d.

Amy had a very good Passage over the Sea, and I had a Letter from her, from Calais , in three Days after she went from London : When she came to Paris , she wrote me an Account, that as to her first and most important Enquiry, which was after the Dutch Merchant; her Account was, That he had return’d to Paris ; liv’d three Years there, and quitting that City, went to live at Roan : So away goes Amy for Roan .

But as she was going to bespeak a Place in the Coach to Roan , she meets very accidentally in the Street, with her Gentleman, as I call’d him ; that is to say, the Prince de —’s Gentleman, who had been her Favourite, as above .

You may be sure there were several other kind Things happen’d between Amy and him, as you shall hear afterwards: But the two main things were, 1. That Amy enquir’d about his Lord, and had a full Account of him; of which presently; and in the next Place, telling him whither she was going, and for what; he bade her not go yet, for that he wou’d have a particular Account of it the next Day, from a Merchant that knew him; and accordingly he brought her word the next Day, that he had been for six Years before that, gone for Holland , and that he liv’d there still.

This, I say , was the first News from Amy , for some time, I mean , about my Merchant: In the mean time, Amy, as I have said , enquir’d about the other Persons she had in her Instructions: As for the Prince, the Gentleman told her, he was gone into Germany , where his Estate lay, and that he liv’d there; that he had made great Enquiry after me; that he (his Gentleman) had made all the Search he had been able, for me; but that he cou’d not hear of me; that he believ’d if his Lord had known I had been in England , he wou’d have gone over to me; but that, after long Enquiry, he was oblig’d to give it over; but that he verily believ’d, if he cou’d have found me, he wou’d have married me; and that he was extremely concern’d that he cou’d hear nothing of me.

I was not at-all satisfied with Amy’s Account, but order’d her to go to Roan herself; which she did, and there with much Difficulty, (the Person she was directed to being dead) I say, with much Difficulty, she came to be inform’d, that my Merchant had liv’d there two Years, or something more; but that having met with a very great Misfortune, he had gone back to Holland, as the French Merchant said , where he had staid two Years; but with this Addition, viz . that he came back-again to Roan , and liv’d in good Reputation there another Year; and afterwards, he was gone to England : and that he liv’d in London : But Amy cou’d by no means learn how to write to him there, till by great Accident, an old Dutch Skipper, who had formerly serv’d him, coming to Roan, Amy was told of it; and he told her, that he lodg’d in St. Lawrence Pountney’s-Lane , in London ; but was to be seen every Day upon the Exchange , in the French Walk. [247] the Exchange, in the French Walk : The Royal Exchange, not far from Lawrence Pountney Lane in the City, was an imposing rectangular building with two floors around an inner quadrangle. It served as a meeting place for merchants, both foreign and English, provided warehousing and shops, and was a convenient place to exchange foreign currencies. The French Walk was located on the south side near the main entrance in Cornhill.