Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I was then within about two Months of my Time, and that soon wore off; when I found my Time was come, it fell out very happily, that he was in the House, and I entreated he would continue a few Hours in the House, which he agreed to; they call’d his Highness to come into the Room, if he pleas’d, as I had offer’d, and as I desir’d him, and I sent Word, I would make as few Cries as possible, to prevent disturbing him; he came into the Room once, and call’d to me, to be of good Courage, it wou’d soon be over, and then he withdrew again; and in about half an Hour more, Amy carried him the News, that I was Deliver’d, and had brought him a charming Boy; he gave her ten Pistoles for her News, stay’d till they had adjusted things about me, and then came into the Room again, chear’d me, and spoke kindly to me, and look’d on the Child, then withdrew; and came again the next Day, to visit me.

Since this, and when I have look’d back upon these things with Eyes unpossess’d with Crime, when the wicked Part has appear’d in its clearer Light, and I have seen it in its own natural Colours; when no more blinded with the glittering Appearances, which at that time deluded me, and, as in like Cases, if I may guess at others by myself ; too much possess’d the Mind; I say, since this, I have often wonder’d, with what Pleasure, or Satisfaction, the Prince cou’d look upon the poor innocent Infant; which, tho’ his own, and that he might that Way have some Attachment in his Affections to it, yet must always afterwards be a Remembrancer to him of his most early Crime; and which was worse, must bear upon itself, un merited, an eternal Mark of Infamy, which should be spoken of, upon all Occasions, to its Reproach, from the Folly of its Father, and Wickedness of its Mother.

Great Men are, indeed, deliver’d from the Burthen of their Natural Children, or Bastards, as to their Maintenance: This is the main Affliction in other Cases, where there is not Substance sufficient, without breaking into the Fortunes of the Family; in those Cases, either a Man’s legitimate Children suffer, which is very unnatural; or the unfortunate Mother of that illegitimate Birth, has a dreadful Affliction, either of being turn’d off with her Child, and be left to starve, &c . or of seeing the poor Infant pack’d off with a Piece of Money, to some of those She-Butchers, [109] She-Butchers : Foster-mothers who took deserted children in return for a fee (usually between two and five guineas) were notoriously callous, frequently allowing children to die in order to save the money. See note 30. who take Children off of their Hands, as ’tis call’d; that is to say, starve ’em, and, in a Word, murther ’em.

Great Men, I say, are deliver’d from this Burthen, because they are always furnish’d to supply the Expence of their Out-of-the-Way Off-spring, by making little Assignments upon the Bank of Lyons , or the Town-House of Paris , and settling those Sums, to be receiv’d for the Maintenance of such Expence as they see Cause.

Thus, in the Case of this Child of mine, while he and I convers’d, there was no need to make any Appointment, as an Appennage, or Maintenance for the Child, or its Nurse; for he supplied me more than sufficiently for all those things; but afterward, when Time, and a particular Circumstance, put an End to our conversing together; as such things always meet with a Period, and generally break off abruptly; I say, after that, I found he appointed the Children a settled Allowance, by an Assignment of annual Rent, upon the Bank of Lyons , which was sufficient for bringing them handsomely, tho’ privately, up in the World; and that not in a Manner unworthy of their Father’s Blood, tho’ I came to be sunk and forgotten in the Case; nor did the Children ever know any-thing of their Mother, to this Day, other, than as you may have an Account hereafter.

But to look back to the particular Observation I was making, which, I hope may be of Use to those who read my Story; I say, it was something wonderful to me, to see this Person so exceedingly delighted at the Birth of this Child, and so pleas’d with it; for he would sit and look at it, and with an Air of Seriousness sometimes, a great while together; and particularly, I observ’d, he lov’d to look at it when it was asleep.

It was, indeed, a lovely, charming Child, and had a certain Vivacity in its Countenance, that is, far from being common to all Children so young; and he would often say to me, that he believ’d there was something extraordinary in the Child, and he did not doubt but he would come to be a Great Man.

I could never hear him say so, but tho’ secretly it pleas’d me, yet it so closely touch’d me another Way, that I could not refrain Sighing, and sometimes Tears; and one time, in particular, it so affected me, that I could not conceal it from him; but when he saw Tears run down my Face, there was no concealing the Occasion from him; he was too importunate to be deny’d, in a thing of that Moment; so I frankly answer’d, It sensibly affects me, MY LORD, said I , that whatever the Merit of this little Creature may be, he must always have a Bend [110] Bend : bend sinister, commonly thought to be one of the signs of bastardy on a coat of arms. on his Arms; the Disaster of his Birth will be always, not a Blot only to his Honour, but a Bar to his Fortunes in the World; our Affection will be ever his Affliction, and his Mother’s Crime be the Son’s Reproach; the Blot can never be wip’d out by the most glorious Actions; nay, if it lives to raise a Family, said I , the Infamy must descend even to its innocent Posterity.

He took the Thought, and sometimes told me afterwards, that it made a deeper Impression on him, than he discover’d to me at that time; but for the present, he put it off, with telling me, these things cou’d not be help’d; that they serv’d for a Spur to the Spirits of brave Men; inspir’d them with the Principles of Gallantry, and prompted them to brave Actions; that tho’ it might be true, that the mention of Illegitimacy might attend the Name, yet that Personal Virtue plac’d a Man of Honour above the Reproach of his Birth; that as he had no Share in the Offence, he would have no Concern at the Blot; when having by his own Merit plac’d himself out of the reach of Scandal, his Fame shou’d drown the Memory of his Beginning.

That as it was usual for Men of Quality to make such little Escapes, [111] Escapes : transgressions, peccadilloes. so the Number of their Natural Children were so great, and they generally took such good Care of their Education, that some of the greatest Men in the World had a Bend in their Coats of Arms, and that it was of no Consequence to them, especially when their Fame began to rise upon the Basis of their acquir’d Merit; and upon this, he began to reckon up to me some of the greatest Families in France , and in England also.

This carry’d off our Discourse for a time; but I went farther with him once, removing the Discourse from the Part attending our Children, to the Reproach which those Children would be apt to throw upon us, their Originals; and when speaking a little too feelingly on the Subject, he began to receive the Impression a little deeper than I wish’d he had done; at last he told me, I had almost acted the Confessor to him; that I might, perhaps, preach a more dangerous Doctrine to him, than we shou’d either of us like, or than I was aware of; for, my Dear, says he , if once we come to talk of Repentance, we must talk of parting.

If Tears were in my Eyes before, they flow’d too fast now to be restrain’d, and I gave him but too much Satisfaction by my Looks, that I had yet no Reflections upon my Mind, strong enough to go that Length, and that I could no more think of Parting, than he could.