Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

He said a great many kind things, which were Great, like himself, and extenuating our Crime, intimated to me, that he cou’d no more part with me, than I cou’d with him; so we both, as I may say, even against our Light, and against our Conviction, concluded to SIN ON; in deed, his Affection to the Child, was one great Tye to him, for he was extremely fond of it.

This Child liv’d to be a considerable Man: He was first, an Officer of the Guard du Corps of France ; [112] the Guard du Corps of France : the largest cavalry troop of the King’s Household, enjoying considerable distinction and many privileges. and afterwards Colonel of a Regiment of Dragoons, in Italy ; and on many extraordinary Occasions, shew’d, that he was not unworthy such a Father, but many ways deserving a legitimate Birth, and a better Mother: Of which hereafter.

I think I may say now, that I liv’d indeed like a Queen; or if you will have me confess, that my Condition had still the Reproach of a Whore , I may say, I was sure, the Queen of Whores; for no Woman was ever more valued, or more caress’d by a Person of such Quality, only in the Station of a Mistress; I had, indeed, one Deficiency, which Women in such Circumstances seldom are chargeable with; namely, I crav’d nothing of him; I never ask’d him for any thing in my Life; nor suffer’d myself to be made use of, as is too much the Custom of Mistresses, to ask Favours for others; his Bounty always prevented me in the first, and my strict concealing myself, in the last; which was no less to my Convenience, than his.

The only Favour I ever ask’d of him, was, for his Gentleman, who he had all along intrusted with the Secret of our Affair, and who had once so much offended him, by some Omissions in his Duty, that he found it very hard to make his Peace; he came and laid his Case before my Woman, Amy , and begg’d her to speak to me, to interceed for him; which I did, and on my Account, he was receiv’d again, and pardon’d; for which, the grateful Dog requited me, by getting to-Bed to his Benefactress, Amy ; at which I was very angry; but Amy generously acknowledg’d, that it was her Fault as much as his; that she lov’d the Fellow so much, that she believ’d, if he had not ask’d her, she should have ask’d him; I say, this pacify’d me, and I only obtain’d of her, that she should not let him know, that I knew it.

I might have interspers’d this Part of my Story with a great many pleasant Parts, [113] Parts : matters. and Discourses, which happen’d between my Maid Amy , and I; but I omit them, on account of my own Story, which has been so extraordinary: However, I must mention something, as to Amy , and her Gentleman; I enquir’d of Amy , upon what Terms they came to be so intimate; but Amy seem’d backward to explain herself; I did not care to press her upon a Question of that Nature, knowing that she might have answer’d my Question with a Question, and have said, Why, how did I and the Prince come to be so intimate? so I left off farther inquiring into it, till after some time, she told it me all freely; of her own Accord, which, to cut it short, amounted to no more than this, that like Mistress, like Maid; as they had many leisure Hours together below, while they waited respectively, when his Lord and I were together above; I say, they could hardly avoid the usual Question one to another, namely, Why might not they do the same thing below, that we did above?

On that Account, indeed, as I said above, I could not find in my Heart to be angry with Amy ; I was indeed, afraid the Girl would have been with-Child too, but that did not happen, and so there was no Hurt done; for Amy had been hansell’d [114] hansell’d : tried out (i.e., sexually). before, as well as her Mistress, and by the same Party too, as you have heard .

After I was up again, and my Child provided with a good Nurse, and withal, Winter coming on, it was proper to think of coming to Paris again, which I did; but as I had now a Coach and Horses, and some Servants to attend me, by my Lord’s Allowance, I took the Liberty to have them come to Paris sometimes, and so to take a Tour into the Garden of the Thuilleries , and the other pleasant Places of the City: It happen’d one Day, that my Prince (if I may call him so) had a-Mind to give me some Diversion, and to take the Air with me; but that he might do it, and not be publickly known, he comes to me in a Coach of the Count de —, a great Officer of the Court, attended by his Liveries also; so that, in a word, it was impossible to guess by the Equipage, who I was, or who I belong’d to; also, that I might be the more effectually conceal’d, he order’d me to be taken up at a Mantua-Maker’s [115] a Mantua-Maker’s : A mantua (called after the Italian town once famous for silks) was a loose gown worn by women in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries. House, where he sometimes came, whether upon other Amours, or not, was no Business of mine to enquire: I knew nothing whither he intended to carry me; but when he was in the Coach with me, he told me, he had order’d his Servants to go to Court with me, and he would shew me some of the Beau Monde ; I told him, I car’d not where I went, while I had the Honour to have him with me; so he carried me to the fine Palace of Meudon , [116] the fine Palace of Meudon : The magnificent château, built in the sixteenth century at Meudon, about six miles east of Versailles, became the residence of the dauphin. The splendid terrace had been added by Abel Servien, Marquis de Sablé, who had acquired the chateau in 1664. where the Dauphine [117] Dauphine : Louis, ‘ le grand dauphin ’ (1661–1711), son and heir of Louis XIV, who predeceased his father. then was, and where he had some particular Intimacy with one of the Dauphine’s Domesticks, who procur’d a Retreat for me in his Lodgings, while we stay’d there; which was three or four Days.

While I was there, the KING happen’d to come thither, from Versailles , and making but a short Stay, visited Madam the Dauphiness , who was then living: [118] Madam the Dauphiness, who was then living : The dauphine , Marie Anne Christine Victoire, Princess of Bavaria, died in 1690. The Prince was here Incognito , only because of his being with me; and therefore, when he heard, that the KING was in the Gardens, he kept close with in the Lodgings; but the Gentleman, in whose Lodgings we were, with his Lady, and several others, went out to see the KING, and I had the Honour to be ask’d to go with them.

After we had seen the KING, who did not stay long in the Gardens, we walk’d up the Broad Terrass, and crossing the Hall, towards the Great Stair-Case, I had a Sight, which confounded me at once, as, I doubt not, it wou’d have done to any Woman in the World: The Horse-Guards, or what they call there the Gensd’arms , had upon some Occasion, been either upon Duty, or been Review’d, or something (I did not understand that Part) was the Matter, that occasion’d their being there, I know not what; but walking in the Guard-Chamber, and with his Jack-Boots on, and the whole Habit of the Troop, as it is worn; when our Horse-Guards are upon Duty, as they call it, at St. James’s-Park ; I say, there, to my inexpressible Confusion, I saw Mr. —, my first Husband, the Brewer.

I cou’d not be deceiv’d; I pass’d so near him, that I almost brush’d him with my Cloaths, and look’d him full in the Face, but having my Fan before my Face, so that he cou’d not know me; however, I knew him perfectly well, and I heard him speak, which was a second Way of knowing him; besides, being, you may be sure, astonish’d and surpriz’d at such a Sight , I turn’d about after I had pass’d him some Steps, and pretending to ask the Lady that was with me, some Questions, I stood as if I had view’d the Great Hall, the outer Guard-Chamber, and some other things; but I did it, to take a full View of his Dress, that I might farther inform myself.