Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

O! could we hear now, the Reproaches this Great Man afterwards loaded himself with, when he grew weary of this admir’d Creature, and became sick of his Vice! how profitable would the Report of them be to the Reader of this Story; but had he himself also known the dirty History of my Actings upon the Stage of Life, that little time I had been in the World, how much more severe would those Reproaches have been upon himself; but I shall come to this again.

I liv’d in this gay [107] gay : immoral or dissipated. However, the word also meant brilliant or charming and Roxana probably intends to suggest the splendour of her life as well. sort of Retirement almost three Years, in which time, no Amour of such a Kind, sure, was every carry’d up so high; the Prince knew no Bounds to his Munificence; he cou’d give me nothing, either for my wearing or using, or eating, or drinking, more than he had done from the Beginning.

His Presents were, after that, in Gold, and very frequent, and large; often a hundred Pistoles, never less than fifty, at a time; and I must do myself the Justice, that I seem’d rather backward to receive, than craving, and encroaching; not that I had not an avaricious Tem per; nor was it, that I did not foresee that this was my Harvest, in which I was to gather up, and that it would not last long; but it was, that really his Bounty always anticipated my Expectations, and even my Wishes; and he gave me Money so fast, that he rather pour’d it in upon me, than left me room to ask it; so that, before I could spend fifty Pistoles, I had always a hundred to make it up.

After I had been near a Year and a half in his Arms, as above, or thereabouts, I prov’d with-Child; I did not take any Notice of it to him, till I was satisfied, that I was not deceiv’d; when one Morning early, when we were in Bed together, I said to him, My Lord, I doubt [108] doubt : fear. your Highness never gives yourself Leave to think, what the Case should be, if I should have the Honour to be with-Child by you: Why, my Dear, says he , we are able to keep it, if such a thing should happen; I hope you are not concern’d about that: No, my Lord, said I , I should think myself very happy, if I could bring your Highness a Sort, I should hope to see him a Lieutenant-General of the King’s Armies, by the Interest of his Father, and by his own Merit.

Assure yourself, Child, says he , if it shou’d be so, I will not refuse owning him for my Son, tho’ it be, as they call it, a Natural Son; and shall never slight or neglect him, for the sake of his Mother: Then he began to importune me, to know if it was so; but I positively denied it so long, till at last, I was able to give him the Satisfaction of knowing it himself, by the Motion of the Child within me.

He profess’d himself overjoy’d at the Discovery, but told me, that now it was absolutely necessary for me to quit the Confinement, which, he said , I had suffer’d for his sake, and to take a House somewhere in the Country, in order for Health, as well as for Privacy, against my Lying-in: This was quite out of my Way; but the Prince, who was a Man of Pleasure, had, it seems, several Retreats of this Kind, which he had made use of, I suppose, upon like Occasions; and so leaving it, as it were, to his Gentleman, he provided a very convenient House, about four Miles South of Paris , at the Village of—, where I had very agreeable Lodgings, good Gardens, and all things very easie, to my Content; but one thing did not please me at all, viz . that an Old Woman was provided, and put into the House, to furnish every thing necessary to my Lying-in, and to assist at my Travel.

I did not like this Old Woman at all; she look’d so like a Spy upon me, or, (as sometimes I was frighted to imagine) like one set privately to dispatch me out of the World, as might best suit with the Circumstance of my Lying-in; and when his Highness came the next time to see me, which was not many Days, I expostulated a little on the Subject of the Old Woman; and by the Management of my Tongue, as well as by the Strength of reasoning, I convinc’d him, that it would not be at all convenient; that it would be the greater Risque on his Side; and that first, or last, it would certainly expose him, and me also; I assur’d him, that my Servant being an English Woman, never knew, to that Hour, who his Highness was; that I always call’d him the Count de Clerac ; and that she knew nothing else of him, nor ever should; that if he would give me leave to choose proper Persons for my Use, it shou’d be so order’d; that not one of them should know who he was, or perhaps, ever see his Face; and that for the reallity of the Child that should be born, his Highness, who had alone been at the first of it, should, if he pleas’d, be present in the Room all the Time; so that he would need no Witnesses on that Account.

This Discourse fully satisfied him, so that he order’d his Gentleman to dismiss the Old Woman the same Day; and, without any Difficulty, I sent my Maid Amy to Callais , and thence to Dover , where she got an English Midwife, and an English Nurse, to come over, on purpose to attend an English Lady of Quality, as they stil’d me, for four Months certain: The Midwife, Amy had agreed to pay a hundred Guineas to, and bear her Charges to Paris , and back again to Dover ; the poor Woman that was to be my Nurse, had twenty Pounds, and the same Terms for Charges, as the other.

I was very easie when Amy return’d, and the more, because she brought with the Midwife, a good Motherly sort of Woman, who was to be her Assistant, and would be very helpful on Occasion; and bespoke a Man-Midwife at Paris too, if there should be any Necessity for his Help: Having thus made Provision for every thing, the Count , for so we all call’d him in publick, came as often to see me, as I could expect, and continued exceeding kind, as he had always been; one Day, conversing together, upon the Subject of my being with-Child, I told him how all things were in order; but that I had a strange Apprehension that I should die with that Child: He smil’d, So all the Ladies say , my Dear, says he, when they are with-Child : Well, however, my Lord, said I , it is but just, that Care should be taken, that what you have bestow’d in your Excess of Bounty upon me, should not be lost; and upon this, I pull’d a Paper out of my Bosom, folded up, but not seal’d, and I read it to him: Wherein I had left Order, that all the Plate and Jewels, and fine Furniture, which his Highness had given me, should be restor’d to him by my Woman, and the Keys be immediately deliver’d to his Gentleman, in case of Disaster.

Then I recommended my Woman, Amy , to his Favour for a hundred Pistoles, on Condition she gave the Keys up, as above, to his Gentleman, and his Gentleman’s Receipt for them; when he saw this, My Dear Child , said he, and took me in his Arms, What, have you been making your Will, and disposing your Effects? Pray who do you make your universal Heir ? So far as to do Justice to your Highness, in case of Mortality, I have, my Lord, said I , and who should I dispose the valuable things to, which I have had from your Hand, as Pledges of your Favour, and Testimonies of your Bounty, but to the Giver of them? If the Child should live, your Highness will, I don’t question, act like yourself in that Part, and I shall have the utmost Satisfaction, that it will be well us’d by your Direction.

I cou’d see he took this very well: I have forsaken all the Ladies in Paris, says he, for you; and I have liv’d every Day since I knew you, to see that you know how to merit all that a Man of Honour can do for you; be easie, Child, I hope you shall not die; and all you have is your own, to do what with it you please .