Victor Serge - Unforgiving Years

He paced his room like a caged animal, like certain condemned men as they wait out their last hours. Sweat drenched his body; next his flesh felt so desiccated that he seemed to be burning up. Waves of nausea came, and he was glad to disgorge what had been an overrich meal. A diabolical doubt now took hold: Had he perhaps drunk something of the extra-special vintage? Blood draining from his face, he went back over his recollections of the dinner. Impossible. But what if… But there’d be no problem, if… Confounded America, overcivilized despite its brutalities, how it spoils one for the rough life of our times! This appalling malaise could only be caused by nervous shock which, although humiliating, was useful. Mr. Brown ripped the lining of his dressing gown with satisfaction. He took two potent sleeping pills, checked the mess of the room, assuring himself of his discipline and willpower. The drug was already working its divinely sedative effect when he remembered the revolver he had taken from Bruno Battisti. (So who could he really be, this “Bruno Battisti”? Oh well, none of my business…) He managed to wipe the gun carefully and carry it out into the middle of the coffee fields. But he was unable to shut the door on his return and collapsed, snoring already, onto the cool hard mat at the foot of his bed.

When Mr. Brown regained his senses, it was broad daylight. The room had been cleaned up. A native serving girl was changing the cold compress on his forehead. “ Gracias !” he said. “Where am I?” The bewilderment was not entirely feigned, because on sinking deep into slumber he had genuinely thought he was dying, dying happily, it was fantastically great to die while falling asleep… Harris’s ruddy snout rose before him like the moon — or like one of those huge gangster faces on a movie poster. Terribly severe, with a jaw like a hanging judge and eyes like an executioner! He was saying, “There’s only one good medicine in my book. Take a drink, old man!” The voice was full of tenderness. Mr. Brown made no objection and swallowed a shot of whiskey, which happened to be just the right medicine. “Thank you!” he said, stretching. He pretended total amazement. “What’s happening? What are you doing here, Harris? What time is it?”

“Congratulations, pal!” said Harris. “You’ve come back from a long way off. Bring him some hot broth, quick,” he ordered the maid. “And tell Don Gamelindo he’s OK… The lousiest day of a lousy world, my friend. But at least for you it’s the first day again, and all is well…”

Harris turned around, rubbing his hands together, flushed with relief.

Don Gamelindo’s huge sombrero loomed in the doorway silhouetted against the light. Mr. Brown turned pale with thoughts of the police, his fingers fluttered nervously against his throat. Harris said impatiently, “Buzz off, Don Gamelindo, he’s over it… Don’t come in… Take care of the padre.”

“All’s for the best in the best of all worlds…” sang like a jolly jig at the back of Mr. Brown’s head, in the most remote convolutions of his gray matter. If the priest is here, that means immediate burial! The salty broth the servant brought in tasted wonderful, especially when compared to the broth of the drowned. “Let me take your pulse,” Harris was saying. “You know I studied medicine in New Guinea…”

“How was that?” asked Mr. Brown foolishly.

“A tale too long to tell. Your heart’s fine, archaeologist. Too bad. You’ll still be able to go on measuring idols’ assholes…”

“That’s enough,” said Mr. Brown, suddenly sitting up. “Now tell me what all this is about? I overslept, and then what?”

He pretended to try to get out of bed, a movement promptly checked by Harris’s robust hand.

“Hey, not so fast. You’re supposed to take it easy… Dr. Harris’s orders… You’ve had a brief illness which might have been pretty serious, and was, in fact, more than serious for some people… Do you understand?”

“No.”

“Well, all in good time. Meanwhile: bed rest, stewed fruit, glass of beer… Did you hear that, Ramona? Pronto!”

There hung only one shadow over Mr. Brown’s speedy recovery. He kept glancing at Harris’s blunt face, admiring his features deformed by bitterness, the way he dried the welling tears before they overflowed, swelling his hairy nostrils, chewing on something with dull ferocity, all the while acting jovial, tender, fraternal. “How happy he would be to kill me,” reflected Mr. Brown, tranquilly. “And he’d be right.”

Everything is simple in this land of incandescent sunshine. Just a while ago there was drought, the suffering of a thirsty world. Then compact clouds the color of menace advanced over the Laguna, hiding the mountains… The tension is broken by a thunderclap. Warm fat raindrops begin to lash the water gently and raise a mist of dust across the fields. And then a million liquid javelins fall. This is the way things happen. Suddenly. Another time, on the road to Pozo Viejo, a courting couple dashed for shelter under the only nearby tree, a cypress half a dozen centuries old. The rain was pelting down. The lovers clung together, wrapped in the boy’s se-rape. It might have excited their desire, but they were not to be married before the feast of San Pedro. How good it feels, they whispered laughing. A white ball of fire tore through the ancient foliage, drew the sign of the serpent in black upon the trunk, and rebounded off the couple. When the families came to collect the bodies they found them holding hands, both half burned: he the left side, she the right. They nailed two crosses to the old tree. They wrote the names: Ponciano (the rest illegible) and Cristina (the rest torn off), “Pray for their souls.” They were fine, good-looking youngsters. Christians. Such is life. Así es la vida .

Thus the drift of Don Gamelindo’s half-conscious meditation, at the end of a harrowing day. Singularly saddened, grotesquely attired in black for the occasion, satisfied at having been of great service — without charge — because somebody had to organize things. Cars had bumped along the potholed road; horses ridden by half-naked boys (happy to have been entrusted with important missions) had galloped through the sweltering noon. You see it was like this: At around seven in the morning Don Gamelindo had been awakened with the news. By eight he was on his chestnut horse trotting toward Pozo Viejo to fetch Dr. Rigoberto Merino in his gray gabardine jacket, felt hat, and maroon boots, astride his proud Arabian, a bay mare worth three thousand pi-asters, Señor!… Dr. Merino spent more time in consultation with the servants than on examining the remains. Ramona explained that a can of olives that had been opened for last night’s dinner was at least a year old; three years ago, in her home village, several people had expired after consuming a tin of salmon, sí Señor! Melita — too-short skirt revealing muscular knees, sweat in the crease of her arms, wide puffy neck, small teeth pertly aligned in prominent gums — had heard of many similar cases, which she recounted. Dr. Merino interrupted her in order to take a professional look at those gums, brushing the nipple of her breasts with a hypocritical hand as he did so. He summoned her for next Sunday morning, after his regular office hours, for she was evidently suffering from a lack of certain vitamins. Melita promised to come without fail, sneaking velvety glances at him in between sniffles, dabbing her eyes and mumbling, “ Santísima Virgen, Virgen purísima …” Before filling in the death certificate, the good doctor had the foresight to collect his hundred piasters from Don Gamelindo. “Struck down by virulent food poisoning” et cetera, in a careful calligraphy decorated by the great flourishes of the signature. Don Tiburcio, San Blas’s town chairman, who had hastened over still wearing his mechanic’s overalls, countersigned the certificate without reading it — because he did not know how to read. Nonetheless, he asked the doctor: “Nothing suspicious, compadre?” The embarrassment of this little man with the noble Nahua profile laboriously tracing the letters of his signature amused Dr. Merino. “What suspicions would you like there to be, compañero ?” he replied in a superior tone.