William Maugham - Plays - Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour

Lady Frederick Berolles

Sir Gerald O'Mara

Mr. Paradine Fouldes

Marchioness of Mereston

Marquess of Mereston

Admiral Carlisle

Rose

Lady Frederick's Dressmaker

Lady Frederick's Footman

Lady Frederick's Maid

Thompson

A Waiter at the Hotel Splendide

Acts I and II — Drawing-room at the Hotel Splendide, Monte Carlo.

Act III — Lady Frederick's Dressing-Room.

Scene: Drawing-room of the Hotel Splendide at Monte Carlo. A large, handsomely furnished room, with doors right and left, and French windows at the back leading to a terrace. Through these is seen the starry southern night. On one side is a piano, on the other a table with papers neatly laid out on it. There is a lighted stove.

Lady Mereston, in evening dress, rather magnificently attired, is reading the papers. She is a handsome woman of forty. She puts down the paper impatiently and rings the bell. A servant answers. He has a French accent.

Did Mr. Paradine Fouldes come this evening?

Yes, miladi.

Is he in the hotel now?

Yes, miladi.

Will you send some one up to his room to say I'm waiting to see him?

Pardon, miladi, but the gentleman say 'e was on no account to be disturbed.

Nonsense. Mr. Fouldes is my brother. You must go to him immediately.

Mr. Fouldes his valet is in the 'all. Will your ladyship speak with him?

Mr. Fouldes is more difficult to see than a cabinet minister. Send his servant to me.

Very good, miladi.

[ Exit Servant, and presently Thompson, Mr. Fouldes' man, comes in .

Your ladyship wished to see me.

Good evening, Thompson. I hope you had a comfortable journey.

Yes, my lady. Mr. Fouldes always has a comfortable journey.

Was the sea calm when you crossed?

Yes, my lady. Mr. Fouldes would look upon it as a great liberty if the sea was not calm.

Will you tell Mr. Fouldes that I should like to see him at once?

[ Looking at his watch. ] Excuse me, my lady, but Mr. Fouldes said no one was to disturb him till ten o'clock. It's more than my place is worth to go to him at five minutes to.

But what on earth's he doing?

I don't know at all, my lady.

How long have you been with Mr. Fouldes?

Twenty-five years, my lady.

I should have thought you knew how he spent every minute of his day.

When I engaged Thompson I told him the first thing he must learn was the very difficult feat of keeping his eyes open and shut at one and the same time.

My dear Paradine, I've been waiting to see you for the last two hours. How tiresome you are.

You may give me a kiss, Maud, but don't be rough.

[ Kissing his cheek. ] You ridiculous creature. You really might have come to see me at once.

My dear, you cannot grudge me a little repose after a long and tedious journey. I had to repair the ravages to my person caused by twenty-seven hours in the train.

Don't be so absurd. I'm sure your person is never ravished.

Ravaged, my dear, ravaged. I should look upon it as an affectation at my age if I were not a little upset by the journey from London to Monte Carlo.

I'll be bound you ate a very hearty dinner.

Thompson, did I eat any dinner at all?

[ Stolidly. ] Soup, sir.

I remember looking at it.

Fish, sir.

I trifled with a fried sole.

Bouchées à la Reine, sir.

They have left absolutely no impression upon me.

Tournedos à la Splendide.

They were distinctly tough, Thompson. You must lodge a complaint in the proper quarter.

Roast pheasant, sir.

Yes, yes, now you mention it, I do remember the pheasant.

Chocolate ice, sir.

It was too cold, Thompson. It was distinctly too cold.

My dear Paradine, I think you dined uncommonly well.

I have reached an age when love, ambition and wealth pale into insignificance beside a really well-grilled steak. That'll do, Thompson.

Very well, sir.

It's too bad of you, Paradine, to devour a substantial meal when I'm eating out my very heart with anxiety.

It seems to agree with you very well. I've not seen you look better for years.

For heaven's sake be serious and listen to me.

I started immediately I got your telegram. Pray tell me what I can do for you?

My dear Paradine, Charlie's head over ears in love.

It's not altogether an unexpected condition for a young man of twenty-two. If the lady's respectable, marry him and resign yourself to being a dowager. If she's not, give her five hundred pounds and pack her off to Paris or London or wherever else she habitually practises her arts and graces.

I wish I could. But who d'you think it is?

My dear, there's nothing I detest more than riddles. I can imagine quite a number of fair ladies who would look without disdain upon a young marquess with fifty thousand a year.

Lady Frederick Berolles.

By Jupiter!

She's fifteen years older than he is.

Then she's not old enough to be his mother, which is a distinct advantage.