William Maugham - Plays - Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour

Now that is what I really admire. I like a man of character. You know, I've always been impressed by your strength and determination.

I don't know about that. But when I say a thing, I do it.

Yes, I know. And in five minutes you're going to say that Gerald may marry your pretty Rose.

No, no, no.

Now look here, don't be obstinate, I don't like you when you're obstinate.

I'm not obstinate. I'm firm.

After all, Gerald has lots of good qualities. He's simply devoted to your daughter. He's been a little wild, but you know you wouldn't give much for a young man who hadn't.

[ Gruffly. ] I don't want a milksop for a son-in-law.

As soon as he's married, he'll settle into a model country squire.

Well, he's a gambler, and I can't get over that.

Shall he promise you never to play cards again? Now, don't be horrid. You don't want to make me utterly wretched, do you?

[ Unwillingly. ] Well, I'll tell you what I'll do – they shall marry if he doesn't gamble for a year.

Oh, you duck. [ She impulsively throws her arms round his neck and kisses him. He is a good deal taken aback. ] I beg your pardon, I couldn't help it.

I don't altogether object, you know.

Upon my word, in some ways you're rather fascinating.

D'you think so, really?

I do indeed.

I rather wish that proposal of marriage had been on your own behalf.

Ah, with me, dear Admiral, experience triumphs over hope. I must tell the children. [ Calling. ] Gerald, come here. Rose.

I always knew your father was a perfect darling, Rose.

Oh, papa, you are a brick.

I thoroughly disapprove of the marriage, my dear, but – it's not easy to say no to Lady Frederick.

It's awfully good of you, Admiral, and I'll do my best to make Rose a ripping husband.

Not so fast, young man, not so fast. There's a condition.

Oh, father!

Gerald is to behave himself for a year, and then you may marry.

But won't Gerald grow very dull if he behaves himself?

I have no doubt of it. But dullness is the first requisite of a good husband.

Now you must pack off to bed, my dear. I'm going to smoke my pipe before turning in.

[ Kissing Lady Frederick.] Good-night, dearest. I'll never forget your kindness.

You'd better not thank me till you've been married a few years.

[ Holding out her hand to GERALD.] Good-night.

[ Taking it and looking at her. ] Good-night.

[ Gruffly. ] You may as well do it in front of my face as behind my back.

[ Lifting up her lips. ] Good-night.

[ He kisses her, and the Admiral and Rose go out.

Oh lord, I wish I were eighteen.

[ She sinks into a chair, and an expression of utter weariness comes over her face.

I say, what's up?

[ Starting. ] I thought you'd gone. Nothing.

Come, out with it.

Oh, my poor boy, if you only knew. I'm so worried that I don't know what on earth to do.

Money?

Last year I made a solemn determination to be economical. And it's ruined me.

My dear, how could it?

I can't make it out. It seems very unfair. The more I tried not to be extravagant, the more I spent.

Can't you borrow?

[ Laughing. ] I have borrowed. That's just it.

Well, borrow again.

I've tried to. But no one's such a fool as to lend me a penny.

Did you say I'd sign anything they liked?

I was so desperate I said we'd both sign anything. It was Dick Cohen.

Oh lord, what did he say?

[ Imitating a Jewish accent. ] What's the good of wathting a nithe clean sheet of paper, my dear lady?

[ Shouting with laughter. ] By George, don't I know it.

For heaven's sake don't let's talk of my affairs. They're in such a state that if I think of them at all I shall have a violent fit of hysterics.

But look here, what d'you really mean?

Well, if you want it – I owe my dressmaker seven hundred pounds, and last year I signed two horrid bills, one for fifteen hundred and the other for two thousand. They fall due the day after to-morrow, and if I can't raise the money I shall have to go through the Bankruptcy Court.

By George, that's serious.

It's so serious that I can't help thinking something will happen. Whenever I've got in a really tight fix something has turned up and put me on my legs again. Last time, Aunt Elizabeth had an apoplectic fit. But of course it wasn't really very profitable because mourning is so desperately expensive.

Why don't you marry?

Oh, my dear Gerald, you know I'm always unlucky at games of chance.

Charlie Mereston's awfully gone on you.

That must be obvious to the meanest intelligence.

Well, why don't you have him?

Good heavens, I'm old enough to be his mother.

Nonsense. You're only ten years older than he is, and nowadays no nice young man marries a woman younger than himself.

He's such a good fellow. I couldn't do him a nasty turn like that.

How about Montgomerie? He simply stinks of money, and he's not a bad sort.

[ Surprised. ] My dear boy, I hardly know him.

Well, I'm afraid it means marriage or bankruptcy.

Here's Charlie. Take him away, there's a dear. I want to talk to Paradine.

What, still here, Lady Frederick?