Bel Kaufman: Up The Down Staircase

Did you get anything done in homeroom today?

Bea

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

I checked off 2 1/2 items from some 20 on the list of things to be done.

A boy fell off his chair.

Nothing in my courses on Anglo-Saxon literature, or in Pedagogy, or in my Master's thesis on Chaucer had prepared me for this. I had planned to establish rapport, a climate of warmth and mutual respect. I would begin, I thought, with First Impressions: importance of appearance, manners, speech, on which I'd build an eloquent case for good diction, correct usage, fluent self-expression. From there it would be just a step to the limitless realms of creativity.

That's what I thought.

What happened was that I didn't get beyond the B's in taking attendance. And I forgot to have them salute the flag, and I have an uneasy feeling that it's illegal.

Syl

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 508

TO: 304

You're in the clear. On assembly days they salute in the auditorium. What's illegal now is the Bible reading.

Bea

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 304

TO: 508

Dear Bea—

What does the SS stand for in Eng. SS? Secret Service? Social Security? Sesame Seeds? Super-Slows?

Syl

INTRASCHOOL COMMUNICATION

FROM: 508

TO: 304

You're warm: special slow classes. The new teachers are stuck with the toughest assignments. Don't despair—by the time you get to be my age, you'll earn the choicest seniors.

I see by your program you're a "floater"—that means you travel from room to room. Insist on a desk drawer of your own in each room where you teach; if not, get a strong-armed boy to lug your things.

You have Hall Patrol—that's a cinch now that we have Aides to help with the non-teaching assignments. It means walking up and down the corridors and stopping kids without passes. It's a higher-class job than Cafeteria Duty, but carries less prestige than the Book Room or Staircase Patrol. All of us have one such "building assignment" a day, besides five teaching classes, a homeroom, and one "unassigned" (don't ever dare to call it "free") period. Those who play their cards right are relieved of homeroom, or even a teaching class, by becoming Lateness Coordinators or Program Integrators or Vocational Counselors or some such thing. We also have a lunch period. Yours, I see, is at the end of the third period, which means we can eat together on Wednesdays. Your gastric juices must start to flow at 10:17 A.M. It's a challenge.

Bea

(CHECK OFF EACH ITEM BEFORE LEAVING BUILDING TODAY)

_ MAKE OUT DELANEY CARDS AND SEATING PLAN

_ TAKE ATTENDANCE

_ FILL OUT ATTENDANCE SHEETS

_ SEND OUT ABSENTEE CARDS

_ MAKE OUT TRANSCRIPTS FOR TRANSFERS

_ MAKE OUT 3 SETS OF STUDENTS' PROGRAM CARDS (YELLOW) FROM MASTER PROGRAM CARD (BLUE), ALPHABETIZE AND SEND TO 201

_ MAKE OUT 5 COPIES OF TEACHER'S PROGRAM CARD (WHITE) AND SEND TO 211

_ SIGN TRANSPORTATION CARDS

_ REQUISITION SUPPLIES

_ ASSIGN LOCKERS AND SEND NAMES AND NUMBERS TO 201

_ FILL OUT AGE-LEVEL REPORTS

_ ANNOUNCE AND POST ASSEMBLY SCHEDULE AND ASSIGN ROWS IN AUDITORIUM

_ ANNOUNCE AND POST FIRE, SHELTER AND DISPERSAL DRILLS REGULATIONS

_ CHECK LAST TERM BOOK AND DENTAL BLACKLISTS

_ CHECK LIBRARY BLACKLIST

_ FILL OUT CONDITION OF ROOM REPORT

_ ELECT CLASS OFFICERS

_ URGE JOINING G.O. AND BEGIN COLLECTING MONEY

_ APPOINT ROOM DECORATIONS MONITOR AND BEGIN DECORATING ROOM

_ SALUTE FLAG (ONLY FOR NON-ASSEMBLY OR Y2 SECTIONS)

_ POINT OUT THE NATURE AND FUNCTION OF HOMEROOM: LITERALLY, A ROOM THAT IS A HOME, WHERE STUDENTS WILL FIND A FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE AND GUIDANCE TEACHERS WITH EXTRA TIME ARE TO REPORT TO THE OFFICE TO ASSIST WITH ACTIVITIES WHICH DEMAND ATTENTION.

CIRCULAR # 1A

TOPIC: ORGANIZATION

PLEASE KEEP ALL CIRCULARS ON FILE, IN THEIR ORDER DILIGENCE, ACCURACY AND PROMPTNESS ARE ESSENTIAL IN CARRYING OUT ALL INSTRUCTIONS AS TO PROCEDURES.

PROGRAM FOR MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

LONG HOMEROOM PERIOD (SEE CIRCULAR #H16) SHORT SUBJECT CLASS PERIODS (SEE CIRCULAR #7C, SECTION 4) ASSEMBLY BELL SCHEDULE (SEE ASSEMBLY CIRCULAR #3D, PAR. 5 & 6) PUPILS ARE TO REPORT BACK TO THEIR HOMEROOMS TO BE CHECKED OFF AT 2:56. DISMISSAL BELL WILL RING AT 3:05 SHARP. THIS, HOWEVER, IS UNCERTAIN.

TO: ALL ENGLISH TEACHERS

PLEASE SEND TO THE ENGLISH OFFICE BEFORE 3 TODAY YOUR REGISTERS IN ALL SUBJECT CLASSES IN ORDER TO ENABLE US TO EQUALIZE THE TEACHER-LOAD AND ACHIEVE A. GOAL OF 33 STUDENTS PER CLASS.

SAMUEL BESTER

CHAIRMAN, LANGUAGE ARTS DEPT.

FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.

TO: ALL TEACHERS

RE: REQUISITION OF SUPPLIES

PLEASE ANTICIPATE YOUR NEEDS AND REQUEST SUPPLIES BEFORE THEY ARE NEEDED. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE EXCESSIVE DEMANDS.

TO PREVENT NON-AUTHENTICITY OF SIGNATURES, PLEASE SIGN YOUR FULL NAME IN INK ON YOUR REQUISITION SLIP.

IF YOU WISH TO DECORATE YOUR ROOM WITH POSTERS, WE HAVE A FEW LEFT:

BLOCK LETTERS, BLUE ON WHITE:

"KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"

YELLOW, ON GREEN BACKGROUND:

"TRUTH IS BEAUTY"

ALSO SOME TRAVEL POSTERS IN BROWN AND TAN OF SWISS ALPS, SLIGHTLY TORN BUT STILL USABLE.

JJ McH

TO: ALL TEACHERS

LATENT MALADJUSTMENTS MAY EXHIBIT THEMSELVES IN SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR IN THE CLASSROOM. THIS IS A CRUCIAL PERIOD IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE ADOLESCENT IN THE SCHOOL ATMOSPHERE WHICH CONSUMES A LARGE SEGMENT OF HIS TIME. IN ORDER TO PROVIDE PROPER ORIENTATION TO ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES IN A DEMOCRACY, PLEASE SEND ALL NEW PUPILS TO ME ON ALTERNATE TUESDAYS FOR DEPTH-COVERAGE ON PERSONAL INTERVIEW SHEETS. THEY WILL BE EXCUSED FROM CLASSES ON THOSE DAYS. IN THE MEANTIME, TEACHERS ARE TO ACQUAINT THEMSELVS WITH THE PPP OF EACH STUDENT AND SEND THE DISRUPTIVE ELEMENTS TO MR. McHABE.

ELLA FRIEDENBERG

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR

TO: ALL TEACHERS

THERE HAS BEEN AN EPIDEMIC OF THEFTS FROM LOCKERS AND WARDROBES. IMPRESS UPON YOUR STUDENTS THE NECESSITY OF KEEPING THEM LOCKED UP AT ALL TIMES, EXCEPT WHEN IN DIRECT USE.

JJ MCHABE

ADM. ASST.

FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST.

TO: ALL TEACHERS

THE FIRST FACULTY CONFERENCE OF THE TERM IS SCHEDULED FOR MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, IN THE SCHOOL LIBRARY, PROMPTLY AT 3:05.

ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY. NO TEACHER IS TO BE EXCUSED FROM THE CONFERENCE EXCEPT ON WRITTEN REQUEST SIGNED BY THE CHAIRMAN OF THE DEPARTMENT AND COUNTERSIGNED BY THE PRINCIPAL OR ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT AT LEAST TWO DAYS PRIOR TO THE DATE SCHEDULED.

THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION WILL BE "EDUCATION AS GROWTH IN A DEMOCRACY." BE PREPARED WITH SUGGESTIONS ON: SHOULD MARKS BE ENTERED ON THE RIGHT OR LEFT OF THE BLUE LINE ON THE PRC?

JJ McH

TO: ALL TEACHERS

STUDENTS DELINQUENT IN OBTAINING GYM SUITS ARE TO BE ALPHABETIZED AND SENT TO ME.

GIRLS WHO WISH TO BE EXCUSED FROM GYM ON "CERTAIN DAYS" ARE TO BE SENT TO ME WITH ALL THE PERTINENT DATA.

PLEASE DISCOURAGE EXCESSIVE DIETING IN YOUR HOMEROOM.

FRANCES EGAN