Bel Kaufman: Up The Down Staircase

Frances Egan

School Nurse

Sept. 7

Dear Ellen,

I had begun a letter to you this morning but was interrupted, and now I can't find it in the flood of papers in which I am drowning.

Perhaps it's just as well; I couldn't possibly succeed in describing this place to you: the homeroom, the Assembly, the chaos of clerical work, the kids — whom I had come to guide and "gladly teche."

I've been here less than a day, and already I'm in hot water. A boy had "incurred a fall" in class, and I failed to report it on the proper form. Another left the room without a pass and is suspected of stealing a wallet from a locker which wasn't locked because I had neglected to inspect it. This was Joe Ferone, the problem-boy of Calvin Coolidge, who earlier, in homeroom, had been flagrantly rude to me, and insolent, and contemptuous.

While I was writing you the other letter (Where can it be? Among the Circulars? Directives? Faculty Mimeos? Department Notices? In the right-hand desk drawer? Left-hand? In my wastebasket, perhaps?), during what was presumably my lunch period, Admiral Ass (a Mr. McHabe, who signs himself Adm. Asst.) appeared in my room with Joe Ferone.

"This boy is on probation," he said. "Did he show up in homeroom this morning?"

"Yes," I said.

"Any trouble?" the Admiral asked.

There we stood, the three of us, taking each other's measure. Ferone was watching me through narrowed eyes.

"No. No trouble," I said.

I am writing this during my free . . . oops! un-assigned period, at the end of my first day of teaching. So far, I have taught nothing — but I have learned a great deal. To wit:

We have to punch a time clock and abide by the Rules.

We must make sure our students likewise abide, and that they sign the time sheet whenever they leave or reenter a room.

We have keys but no locks (except in lavatories), blackboards but no chalk, students but no seats, teachers but no time to teach.

The library is closed to the students.

Yet I'm told that Calvin Coolidge is not unique; it's as average as a large metropolitan high school can be. There are many schools worse than this (the official phrase is "problem-area schools for the lower socioeconomic groups") and a few better ones. Kids with an aptitude in a trade can go to vocational high schools; kids with outstanding talents in math, science, drama, dance, music, or art can attend special high schools which require entrance tests or auditions; kids with emotional problems or difficulties in learning are sent to the "600 schools." But the great majority, the ordinary lads, find themselves in Calvin Coolidge or its reasonable facsimile. And so do the teachers.

Do you remember Rhoda, who left Lyons Hall before graduation? She is now writing advertising copy for a cosmetics firm at three times my salary. I often think of her. And of Mattie, who was in graduate school with me, and who is teaching at Willowdale Academy, holding seminars on James Joyce under the philosophic maples. And I think of you, in a far away town, walking serene in daylight from Monday to Friday, and I think I must be crazy to stay on here. And yet—there is a certain phrase we have, a kind of in-joke: "Let it be a challenge."

There goes the bell. Or is it only the warning signal? The bells have gone berserk. I now go to check the PM attendance in my homeroom — Admiral Ass says it prevents escapes.

Love,

Syl

P. S. Did you know that according to the Board of Education's estimate it would cost the city $8 million to reduce the size of classes "by a single child" throughout the city?

Calvin Coolidge

CLARION

September

INTERESTING INTERVIEWS:

Miss Sylvia Barrett, the new English teacher, is not only everybody's choice "Audrey Hepburn" of Calvin Coolidge but is also a very attractive young woman of whom we are so very proud. The interview found her to be 5 feet 4 inches in her stocking feet, with brown hair and blue-gray eyes and very pleasant to talk to. She received her B.A. degree with Phi Beta Kappa and Magna Cum Laude (It's Greek to us!) and her M.A. (Miss America?) with highest honors. (Boy! What a record!)

Listed among her favorites are Chaucer the poet (That's Greek to us too!) and reading books. She is also partial to painting in her spare time (Don't go up and pose for her, boys!) and bicycling (built for two?), whipped cream (Oh, those calories!) and swimming (Yummm!); and she likes to visit different places like everyone else. She visited some places in Mexico last summer (Halba Espanol?). She feels that teaching here will be a real challenge to her.

Glad to have you at Coolidge, Miss "Audrey" Barrett, and hope you stay awhile.

A MESSAGE FROM OUR PRINCIPAL:

Your education has been planned and geared to arm and prepare you to function as mature and thinking citizens capable of shouldering the burdens and responsibilities which a thriving democracy imposes. It is through you and others like you that the forward march of democracy, spurred and fortified by a thorough and well-rounded education, will move on to greater triumphs and victories. We have no doubt that our aims and efforts in this direction will bear fruit and achieve the goals and objectives set forth, for in the miniature democracy of our school you are proving yourselves worthy and deserving of our trust and expectations.

Very sincerely yours,

Maxwell E. Clarke, Principal

COMPLIMENTS OF VANITY CORSET CO.

THE CORNER COFFEE SHOPPE: "WHERE FRIEND MEETS FRIEND"

HOW TO AVOID

FRESHMAN FOLLY——

SOPHOMORE SLUMP——

JUNIOR JITTERS——

SENIOR SORROWS:

JOIN YOUR G.O.!!! GET YOUR G.O. BUTTONS WHILE THEY LAST !!! GO, GO, G.O.!

SCHOOL SPIRIT, ANYONE?

COME AND ROOT FOR YOUR TEAM

SCHEDULED BASKETBALL GAMES:

SEPT. CALVIN COOLIDGE VS. MANHATTAN MUNICIPAL

OCT. CALVIN COOLIDGE VS. (?) UNSCHEDULED

NOV. CALVIN COOLIDGE VS. (?) UNSCHEDULED

DEC. (?)

Dr. Maxwell E. C larke

James J. McH A be

Mary L ewis

Syl V ia Barrett

Ella Fr I edenberg

Paul Barri N ger

Beatrice Scha C hter

Charlotte W O lf

Frederick Lo O mis

Henrietta Pastorfie L d

Marcus Manhe I m

Sa D ie Finch

Frances E G an

Samuel B E ster

FACULTY FLASHES

The teacher the girls would like to be on a desert island most with: MR. PAUL ("POET") BARRINGER

The teacher readiest with unselfish helps: MRS. BEATRICE ("MOM") SCHACHTER

The teacher who makes lessons most like games: MISS HENRIETTA ("PAL") PASTORFIELD

Most absentminded teacher: MR. MARCUS ("H2O") MANHEIM

Most glamorous teacher: MISS SYLVIA BARRETT

THE CALVIN COOLIDGE CLARION is "The Voice of Your School." Please subscribe and solicit ads to keep it "talking"!

We wish to express our gratitude to Miss Mary Lewis, Faculty Advisor to The Clarion, who so unstintingly gave of herself to us.