Bel Kaufman: Up The Down Staircase

There is Mary Lewis, bowed and cowed, who labors through the halls as overloaded as a pack mule, thriving on discomfort and overwork, compulsively following all directions from supervisors, a willing martyr to the system. She's an old-timer who parses sentences and gives out zeros to kids who chew gum.

There is Henrietta Pastorfield, a hearty spinster who is "married to the school," who woos the kids by entertaining them, convinced that lessons must be fun, knowledge sugar-coated, and that teacher should be pal.

There is Fred Loomis, a math teacher stuck with two out-of-license English classes, who hates kids with a pure and simple hatred. "At the age of 15," he said to me, "they should all be kicked out of school and the girls sterilized so they don't produce others like themselves." These were his words. And he comes in contact with some 200 children a day.

The school nurse, Frances Egan, wears white space shoes and is mad for nutrition; Mrs. Wolf, the librarian, cannot bear to see a book removed from its shelf; and Miss Ella Friedenberg, an ambitious typing teacher promoted to Guidance Counselor, swoops upon the kids and impales them with questions about masturbation. She has evolved a PPP (Pupil Personality Profile) into which she fits each youngster, branding him with pseudo-Freudian phrases. She has most of the teachers bamboozled, and some of the kids terrorized.

My other colleagues I know just by sight: Desk Despots, Blackboard Barons, Classroom Caesars and Lords of the Loose-Leaf, Paul calls them. He has the gift of words. Lyrics are his forte; he composed an amusing song about our principal: "Hark, hark, the Clarke/ At heaven's gate . . . something—something," I forget. He wrote a verse about me too: rhymed me with "14 carat." Very attractive man.

McHabe, of course, is the kind of petty tyrant who flourishes best in the school system, the army, or a totalitarian state. To me he personifies all that is picayune, mean and degrading to the human spirit. I've had a head-on clash with him over one of my boys, Joe Ferone, whom he had accused of theft—unjustifiably, as it turned out; and he has alluded darkly to the danger of my getting a U (Unsatisfactory) end-term rating.

I don't know why I am championing Ferone, who is the most difficult discipline problem in the school, except, perhaps, that I dimly sense in him a rebelliousness, like mine, against the same things. When he is in school, which isn't often, he is rude and contemptuous; hands in pockets, toothpick in mouth, rocking insolently on his heels, he seems to be watching me for some sign.

Most of the time, I am still struggling to establish communication. It is difficult, and I don't know whom to turn to. Dr. Clarke? I don't think he is aware of anything that is going on in his school. All I know about him is that he has a carpet in his office and a private john on the fourth floor landing. Most of the time he secludes himself in one or the other; when he does emerge, he is fond of explaining that education is derived from "e duco," or leading out of. He is also partial to such paired pearls as: aims and goals; guide and inspire; help and encourage ; and new horizons and broader vistas ; they drop from him like so many cultured cuff links.

And Dr. Bester, my immediate supervisor, Chairman of the English Department, I can't figure out at all. He is a dour, desiccated little man, remote and prissy. Like most chairmen, he teaches only one class of Seniors; the most experienced teachers are frequently promoted right out of the classroom! Kids respect him; teachers dislike him—possibly because he is given to popping up, unexpectedly, to observe them. "The ghost walks" is the grapevine signal for his visits. Bea told me he started out as a great teacher, but he's been soured by the trivia-in-triplicate which his administrative duties impose. I hope he doesn't come to observe me until I get my bearings. I'm still floundering, particularly in my SS class of "reluctant learners." (Under-achievers, non-academic-minded, slow, disadvantaged, sub-paced, non-college-oriented, underprivileged, non-linguistic, intellectually deprived, and laggers—so far, I've counted more than ten different euphemisms for "dumb kids"!)

But I am busiest outside of my teaching classes. Do you know any other business or profession where highly-skilled specialists are required to tally numbers, alphabetize cards, put notices into mailboxes, and patrol the lunchroom?

What a long letter this has turned into! I've quite lost touch with the mainstream, you see, isolated in 304, while bells ring, students come and go, and my wastebasket runneth over.

Write, write! And tell me of the even tenor of your days. If things get too rough here, I might ask you to move over.

Love,

Syl

P. S. Did you know that in New York City high school teachers devote approximately 100 hours a year to homeroom chores? This makes a grand total of over 500,000 hours that they spend on clerical work. That's official school time only; the number of extracurricular hours spent on lesson plans, records, marking papers, and so on is not estimated.

S.

NOTES FOR FACULTY CONFERENCE MINUTES

MET: On Monday, Sept. 28

At 3:06 P.M.

In: School Library

Attendance: 100%

Dr. Clarke's after-summer greeting: "Shoulder to wheel & nose to grind stone" –1 1/2 min.

Bea Schachter brought up urgent problems left over from last term: the burden of the teaching-load and of clerical work, and inadequate facilities – 1 min.

Above problems postponed for time being. Two Feuding Floaters sharing same room were given floor:

Floater #1: When enters classroom, finds writing on black-board with "Do not Erase" over it; feels it's unfair usurpation of valuable blackboard space.

Floater #2: Desk dictionary found in back of room; obviously taken by kid!

Dictionary not to be removed from desk at any time!

Floater #1: No room left in lefthand desk drawer.

Floater #2: Left-hand drawer not #l's but #2's.

Subcommittee of Grievance Com. on Rotation of Teachers to more Equitable Room Assignments formed to look into above. – 6 min.

Bea Schachter raised question of student dropouts.

McHabe: Must stick to mimeographed procedure.– 1/2 min.

Main topic for discussion: Marks to be entered on the left or the right side of blue line on PRC?

Various Pro's and Con's. Which is best way to save time?

Committee formed to look into. – 81/2 min.

Barringer suggested abolishing afternoon homeroom. Vetoed by McHabe –1/2 min.

Discussion on School Aides:

Aides were finally assigned to us to relieve teachers of non-teaching chores, but now teachers have been assigned other non-teaching chores. Also, Aides turned out to be in the way: they are not allowed to take over a class; not allowed to work on records; not allowed Late Room or Health Room. Also, cafeteria workers resent them for just sitting around.

Conclusion: School Aides to guard exits of building and challenge

visitors. – 101/2 min.

Problem raised re dope addiction among students, and "pushers" in

school area. Shelved for lack of time.– 1/2 min.

McHabe warned re smoking in lavatories. Urged rereading of Smoking Circular.–1 1/2 min.

Manheim: re inadequate Science Lab. equipment. Had made several requisitions.

McHabe: Must go through channels.–1/2 min.

Miss Egan (School Nurse): Urged importance of hot breakfasts. Start day by stoking engine. Affects marks.

Dr. Clarke: "Mens sana in corporesano."–1 min.

Mrs. Wolf (Librarian): When return books to library shelves, put in straight. Otherwise wastes time. Warn kids re crooked placing of books.– 2 min.