Jonathan Cottam - The Urban Book of the Dead

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Urban Book of the dead is my second book to be published, after 'The Unrequited Zombie'. It is a rather less experimental work, though still unusual, vivid, and descriptive. I would describe the book as both psychedelic and surreal, being rather pedantic about the use of those two words. That is, if it were surreal I would be dealing with a psychological work, something that looked towards expanding knowledge of the Id, that primitive part of our nature that is repressed by social conventions and the need to plan to get what we want. It is, in that it is self gratifying without recourse to opinion, it is every animalistic urge that can only be released through art, because to do it any other way would have terrible repercussions. Having said that, next to my early work, it is not particularly arty or deep. It is psychedelic because it looks to reaching a higher consciousness by through creativity, to reach a state beyond the normal level of seeing things, it is also psychedelic and surreal in the commonly understood sense, it is 'trippy' and sometimes deals with drugs. It starts like this… "I floated above my body, I was a bubble fit to burst, I squeezed and struggled with my form, my clothes gripping and distorting my figure with their relative solidity, were the same ghost like material as the rest of me. Down below my face stared back at me; distorted and grotesque as the spirit shapes on the bark of trees, I felt my ghost face and it was etched there too, deforming me, chiselled by a million molecules of heroin, I had my wings, hung as from a pin, spread and feathered, and spanning the whole nicotine ceiling. I stared at the blue marbled arm; growing out like the gnarled branch of a tree, the fingers gesturing me towards it, and hanging from it, the syringe full of bubbles, blood and a quicksand of powdered death whirling like a vortex. A spoon lay on the floor and a small bit of cigarette filter in it, all having served a purely symbolic process. It seemed years of injecting powders and stuff flicked down to a dirty lemonade had paid off, perhaps a bubble could kill you after all." The book is I think taking one thing at least to a new level in literature, egomania. That is because the concept of the book is I the authors fight with god who is defeated, whilst at the same time dealing with my real life struggles as I go back through things that really actually happened to me in my drug filled and violent life as a drug dealer and through prison etcetera, and, changing them. I say egomania but again I mean the Id, the ego compromises, the Id does not. It is a very angry book because I am taking back the control that was taken from me, in that, to a very large extent I did not choose my life but it was forced on me, as with all the mishaps of all my dead friends who did not survive, through suicide, alcoholism, heroin overdose and murder. Enter God. God then is a symbol for society, capitalism, and the state, and also, plain bad luck. So is God then not God, is the book not satanic? My interest in black magic personally does not extend to believing in it, or God in any accepted sense either. I believe in magic as will, that Hitler could gain power through will is magic, that people can realise the future not through clairvoyance but precognition, taking in the world around them and understanding consciously or unconsciously where it is all going to lead, that kind of magic I believe, the other sort I only have a fair knowledge of as an interest and I am not a Satanist, that would be a misplacement of effort. "The noise got louder, but lower, rather than higher, so it travelled further and vibrated the walls. Crack's appeared in the walls in the form of a hundred distorted faces of people I had known, adventured and suffered with. A fragment of glass from a picture of 'Judith with the head of Hollerfernes' hit me in my eye, almost bursting my substance, which it settled in like a bloody monocle, magnifying the African tribal Fang mask in the centre of the wall, with its pale long wooden nose and owl like brow, its jutting chin; appeared to grow eyes that searched with the deepest hideous depth around my room and the dead body of me whose 'nakedness' I wanted to cover from the gaze. The mask bowed and came out of the wall, after it a huge body wearing the blue pinstripes of my wall paper and looking every bit the business man, come to settle my accounts, I was not about to make it easy. The scrambled voices became one, the word "Jonathan!" boomed. This was God, this was the confrontation I had been waiting for my whole life." The meaning of that is obvious in the pinstriped suit I think, but also a little later the meaning and symbolism is made totally obvious. "God spoke "I am the unity, I am the morals and the law, think like me and my triumphs will be your triumphs because there will be no difference, surrender all self generated thought of conflict, all difference is imaginary, it is not held and is alien to mind." I replied simply, my head turned to him from my place on the ceiling, "I am my desire." -A little later it gets really obvious. "With haste I flew forward and stabbed God in the eyes with my fingers, which flattened against the harder substance of Gods eyes, I cried out "This is for poverty, this is for the atomisation of life, this is for your prisons and the police, for all my friends who are lost yet alive, and all those you sent to hell which is a place on Earth. This is for everything." Soon events from the past unfold, and people I knew come into the picture such as Jay. Jay was a traveller; that is he moved from town to town, lived rough and begged. He had the unnerving attribute of being both friendly, warm, and a complete psychopath, loyal and perverse, he was a real good character for a book. I meet Jay again fishing in Hell. "I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands. As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally. "Hello Monster!" he said smoothly. Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast. I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn't entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know. I asked a searching question. "How are you here? As far as I know you're still alive." Jay looked at me long and hard "Doesn't bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I'm in Hell." Yes, he was really like that and he did all those things. The character of Jay is a rich part of the book, to which I am indebted to knowing him, not that many people will ever read it, but I live to write, quite literally. Another theme of the book is the yearning for togetherness, community, against the very real need for individuality, adventure and subjectivity. The two themes run through every religion, philosophy and form of politics to a varying degree of scientific application. It is not as simple as one or the other and both sides in the book take both approaches. There is no answer in human nature between the two, it is irreconcilable and all we can do is draw attention theoretically to the issue between fascism and anarchism, individuality and togetherness, though we do find more honest and liveable conditions in libertarianism than dictatorial politics. The problem between wanting togetherness and a shared identity, but being repulsed at having to give up subjectivity so pervades the book that many characters rebel against the human form, whilst not giving up the need for community, and become many headed monsters. But, the book insists, the need for adventure is the unifying theory that makes sense of our misery and creates a symbiosis between the conflicting forces. "As the ship rowed closer I realised it was the rule of these creatures, my brave men which is what they were, to reject the human form given by God for those of their own imagination, and to conjoin like the ultimate pack of animals, or; what I had seen in human riots when a crowd does indeed become a single and very different animal than the sum of its parts. I saw men who had formed their joints together to form the bodies of double kneed, twelve-foot men with two heads. Two had done that. The dragon with seven necks and six heads was also there, waiting in futility for my strange communion, for I was still attached to the human form, it still represented for me a thing of beauty and free autonomy." The book is all about conflict, but as Buddhists say, all conflict is imaginary, so I think, we are all in a state of symbiosis in a world where assistance between organisms is the norm even when it appears in the form of its opposite. That's all I want to say about the book.

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I asked as we passed a woman doubled and spewing up “Who do you see? Do you see every one I see, any one could be one of them. If they see you walking with Lucifer and two angels or demons were done for. Do you see the man walking deliberately, the tall one bending like in the breeze, he might be drunk, and he might just be sober and too tall for the weather and from heaven or hell.”

Jane talked over her shoulder, blowing my hair with breath soured by imprisonment but sweet to me. “No. They are all just drunk; you could do with a drink yourself, I’m the one who should be worried. Are you the optimist drunk, social; or are you a wreck; because if you’re drunk you’re a wreck; you see a worm in the bottom of the tequila bottle, I see a genie. You know every time I drink a girl like me gets her wishes, you; I bet you just know you’ve swallowed a maggot.”

I laughed, deliberately blowing in her ear “You’ve swallowed so much spunk in your life you’re spitting it out with your words, your spunky my girl.” Jane stuck her tongue out at me and a woman passer-by looked nervously away, since there was nothing between Jane and her but the night. The woman opened the door of a black cab with a concerted drunken look that made me think she thought the friendly chug of the Taxi was the car laughing at her.

We got to the bins at the back of the night club with its dark old bricks and tubular silver bins. I spoke one last time “Climb in the bin and take that bin liner off, give us two minutes to get out and clank the lid, if it doesn’t get their attention clank it again.”

Jane got into the bin; the sign above her buzzed like insects and she swatted the air with her hands for several seconds before realising what it was. Although I only had eyes for her beautiful tear filled face and felt in my heart that those tears must be for me, so filled were they with an all encompassing mercy any one would want to grab for themselves; her face spoke the actions I didn’t see; starring at me with a look that insinuated it’s self so completely and instructively on the expressions of her face that it can best be described as the look of some one who thinks they are above climbing into bins and is climbing into a bin.

We left and I looked back till we were out of sight, and then I heard a clank followed by a fake surprised scream; “ahh, ohh”; a little too obviously surprised; and a tone of theatrical hysteria. I winced so tightly pressure built in my face and I was all squeezed out of shape.

I decided my Gollum was not coming back with us, he was to infiltrate the building again and keep an eye on what was going on “Go back then; keep out of sight; give me a shout if there’s anything going down. They might be looking for you if your victim survived long enough to grass you before burping his last degenerate, brothel odour breath.”

He jumped off my shoulder and left, and we three materialised back in mine.

“We have to be ready a good time before 1 am.” I shouted running into the kitchen looking at my watch; its molten face suggested 10 pm.

“Why can’t we just go back earlier in time?” asked Jay biting his nails anxiously whilst his voice remained smooth. “After all it’s in the past.”

From the kitchen through the open door I looked back and watched Judith examine her belly in the bathroom mirror “Because we are tied to that time, the picture in Jon’s pocket ties us to that time” Judith answered rubbing her hump and lifting it with her hands and prodding it. It was growing fast.

I went into the bathroom with a squeezy bottle in my hand “That’s coming on” I said to Judith’s bump kissing it.

“Go to Hell.” said Judith; then nodding her head enthusiastically and grinning, “Go to Hell and get some troops.”

I watched Judith for a while longer, the bump kicked a big bulge in her stomach and she looked down at it open mouthed. She pushed the leg back in and ripples appeared. Then a face stretched and opened its mouth over the translucent red skin of her belly, I heard a barely audible cry. Judith picked up a fly squat and patted her belly back in jauntily and enthusiastically, she looked at me smiling. “We’ve got a little acrobat in here” laughed Judith “whether he’s a little monkey or a trapeze artist he’s going in the circus!”

I went into the lounge Jay was still biting his finger nails on his right hand, pulling them with his teeth, they had elongated in the manner of cheesy string and he tried harder to bite them off; then he simply pulled them out, giving me a look and a smile that signified his inner frustration.

Jay’s eyes looked at me and went hypnotically deep, drowning deep, his face fell under the pressure of those depths, sank around his eyes, then his face really fell, a molten blank of loose ectoplasm and the mask said to me “Jon; aren’t you afraid at all”

“No.” I replied, I had no idea what that meant, “You saw me the last time I was afraid. It will never happen again.”

Suspicious I asked “Are you?”

Jay replied “No. of course not” pushing his face back up between his hands “I hope you can get us better bodies when this is over.”

I looked away from Jay, clearly Jay had a decision to make, one that should have been easy, but not for Jay; no matter; in some ways to have to struggle to make the right decision makes you the better man, struggle is heroic, habitually doing the right thing is a comfortable ease; I might say that I have for a long time, struggled to do the right thing.

I spoke to Judith; “I have to know before I die, what did the real Lucifer do, that frightens God so much?”

“What did you do? Nothing at first. An angel ordered to rebel, set up and cursed on the whim of a self confessed vain and jealous God. God got bored and wanted to play, he threw away chess pieces to play with real lives; and you; tumbled off the board with the kings and queens; you; carved out of wood; fell to Earth to be a wooden toy, with your wooden looks; the look of a condemned man. ‘I want you to fight me, I want you to cause some chaos, do your best because when you loose you’ll be a faggot in Hell’ is what he said. Thing is, you always won at chess, you had the battle strategies, you took the job seriously, having nothing to loose. It irked him, because people liked your ideas and always have done since. Read the Bible, it’s the propaganda distortion of the winning side, you stood for the liberation of desire, for the imagination, creativity, wholeness. God has always stood for a totalitarian corruption of the human soul, having made man like himself in vanity; he then had to deal with men, so everywhere he chained them.”

Judith looked sad, there was just one tear in her eye, all she would allow, she winked and peered at me through it like a broken monocle, magnifying what she desired and intimating hers, she continued, “I liked you, I liked you a lot. But you liked me more; you chased after me like your chasing after her now. Any way you paid for trying too hard. He didn’t send you to Hell, he took away your ability to regenerate and staked you in a town square for all to see, it was crows that time around, not pigeons; and they were like shadows that cut holes in all the good light, everything they covered lost its content and goodness, if they passed over a kind faced girl with mercy it would fill her with black hate as it passed, and they swirled and swirled, the people jeered as they pecked you to death, soon emptied of your eyes you did not have to see them anymore, and when they ate your ears no more did you have to hear them, that was the only mercy shown, it was accidental as well.”

Not exactly cheered up I put on the bravest mask in my collected thoughts and said looking at jay “I’m off to Hell Jay. We will meet at the back of the club at 12.15 am; me, you, and Judith. We will climb the fire escape and pick the lock and invade the head quarters. The minions of Hell will invade from the front and attack the night club people; who should all be on fire by then; a nice little pincer movement. Both of you take some of the hallucinogenic powder I made, snort it or inject it; or bomb it in some wrapped up rizla; it doesn’t matter.” My mind paused as I was about to set off “Here!” I gave them the ashtray, took a bit out and just bunged it up my nose, “achoo”; I sneezed on Judith’s face; Judith wiped her face with her hand unconcerned and turned away. I felt like we were all high on adrenalin, about to take on the most audacious act in human history.

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