Jay pulled the plate out of his head, looked at it and threw it away, it cluttered on the cooker, knocking a pan of old curry on the floor. The dog jumped down and licked it up with all three heads.
As Jay’s head knitted together he grabbed hold of a squeezy bottle from the kitchen side cabinet “This stuff will chill it out.” He said.
I looked at Jay still damaged in his mind “No. Jay. No. You have no idea what acid does to those sorts of dogs I was at a party once…”
Jay squirted the dog. I took hold of him and at a run, held back and tugging him, my feet straining to move him wildly, got him into the living room and closed the door.
A head burst through the door. Bits of plywood separated by cardboard packing fell to the floor. The dog looked friendlier. Its head blinked and focused on Jay’s hand. Suddenly a bone appeared in Jay’s hand.
Jay said startled looking at his hand “How the fuck…”
I butted in “Its imagining things and making them real. By Christ I hadn’t considered that.”
Jay looked behind him sensing something. I saw what was behind him as he moved. A giant rabbit stood on its hind quarters, long incisors nearly a foot long and eyes that reflected so much light they were bright beams that cut holes, burning holes in the back of Jay’s Indian hoody as he moved away. He got out of the range of its vision.
The dog broke more of the hole away by shaking its head. The bits just fell away. I looked back at Jay, he was a fucking liability, he had somehow, magic or some other means, got a rope and he was approaching the dogs head with a lasso as a home made choke chain.
Jay moved his head to the side and the dog did the same “nice dog” he pleaded coolly.
I shouted at him, maddened “don’t do it Jay; you’re pedigree chum for that dog, without the inconvenience of a tin.”
Jay lassoed the dog’s visible head, and then the whole dog came crashing through the door. The dog’s muscles had the appearance of bunched up cables, every sinew stood out of its black coat. It turned one of its head’s at me with contempt, nodding an open mouthed, cunning and haughty contempt. Its limbs appeared to defy gravity with steps of a thunderous canter and bounce, not because like us it was weightless but because of shear compacted strength.
Now, jay weighed absolutely nothing, he was minus weight, a spirit. The dog looked like it weighed three hundred pounds. The out come was obvious to any one who wasn’t recovering from major brain damage and had no common sense any way. The effect reminded me strongly of a party I had been to many years ago where some one fed their bullterrier an acid tab; minus twenty screaming girls with tooth injuries and plus one giant rabbit, which some people would have been seeing anyway. But Jay was playing his part as the owner.
That’s what happens when you’re at a party in a large crowded flat, listening to raga and watching some chav as they became known. In a white ‘ England ’ base ball cap and an ageing boyish face with a knowing and fond expression on his face crouched with his arm around his bullterrier, feeding his dog looking up trustingly, a handful of dog biscuits and LSD tabs. Doing nothing about it but wondering along with others in the know, looking at each other and the dog owner as we sat on the floor ‘what will happen next, what absurd demonstration could possibly result from this wicked act’.
As the dog chased the rabbit with thunderous, destructive strides, in circles around the room, leaping over the settee every time they came around, with me now stood on it leaning back against the wall, the rabbit turning around to try and bite its attacker as it ran. Jay was crashed into a wall and immediately disintegrated, droplets of Jay with his translucent face etched on them, the eyes searching around in every drop, fell towards the floor and the dog stopped chasing the rabbit, mesmerised it caught drops on its smoky tongues, making a sizzling noise. Feathers filled the room and started to attach themselves to the droplets in little fluttering wings. The rabbit paused, catching its breath and happy to be out of the action. The remaining arm of Jay attached to the rope, tried to pull the dog back, muscles taught.
I tried to distract the dog by taking over the rabbit, I spread my fingers and imagined invisible strings to the rabbit, as I waved my fingers in the air and swooped my arms, the rabbit leapt to the dog and tapped it on the back. One of the heads moved around, the others carried on lapping up Jay with a stink of sulphur from the reaction of contact and red smoke. The dog’s eyes happily hypnotised. The rabbit pulled up the fur on its arms revealing pink muscular flesh. The rabbit struck a Mr Universe pose to show its edible body off to the full, an arm tensed, a front leg squatted. Finally the dog relented and turned around fully, snapping at it with all three snaking heads. I made the rabbit hop away fast and the dog took chase. In my hand appeared a magicians hat and rabbit and dog leapt into it one after the other. I placed the hat on my head and it thudded and bulged, then with a final yelp went silent. I took it off and looked in it, there was nothing to see, I decided the hat did not suit me and cast it aside.
I opened the door and went into the kitchen, what was left of the door buckled and scraped, dragging its frame. Once in the kitchen I opened the council house orange cupboard where the boiler was and took out a rusty metal bucket and mop. I went back into the living room to where a pool of Jay lay on the floor, the reflection of his face looked at me sad and agonised, making attempts to knit into a three dimensional being. I mopped him into the steel bucket, feathers and all. I poured Jay out onto the sofa and he slowly reformed, his molten face gave out a groan, slowly he reformed, I placed the arm that had been attached to the dog next to him.
I put his head under a cushion. He let out a “Ahh” then said “I need to rest for a bit Jon” his eye lids flickering in shock and pain, he held up a fleshing out hand. Jay sat up momentarily and folded his feathery wings over his eyes, I left him there. I opened the shattered door that ground against the red chord carpet, and entered the kitchen. The wind was thankfully blowing the outside smoke away from the broken window, and I set about putting back together the large pieces of glass. It was calming and intellectually stimulating, exactly like doing a giant jigsaw puzzle, I told myself my head would come back together just like the window as I completed it, and it did.
Jay came in looking much better and shaking his head he looked in my cupboards and he demanded nicely “I need some food Monster! You’ve nothing in and moneys useless here. Well nearly.”
“Let’s go a walk and find some then.” I said “Not sure what other people do for food here, there’s always magic but personally I’d like a look around this place.”
Jay shook his head, “magic’s banned or heavily regulated here Jon; they don’t do that for food. Well; Okay it’s polluted out though, this place isn’t living in the same sense as the Earth, and it isn’t a self regulating organism. It’s more alive in the sense of a provider from the imagination; consequently God has let it get rather polluted.” Jay shook his head and scratched it. “First thing you’ve got to do here when you take over is make the place sustainable.”
“Where do you go to eat?” I asked
“Well, from the little I know about the place, there’s a McDonalds around the corner, people exchange organs there for burgers, and of course the organs grow back. The McDonalds just got dumped here when as I was saying some one died in their toilets of heroin overdose, a sacrifice to the great god McDonald no doubt at all.”
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