Jonathan Cottam - The Urban Book of the Dead

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Urban Book of the dead is my second book to be published, after 'The Unrequited Zombie'. It is a rather less experimental work, though still unusual, vivid, and descriptive. I would describe the book as both psychedelic and surreal, being rather pedantic about the use of those two words. That is, if it were surreal I would be dealing with a psychological work, something that looked towards expanding knowledge of the Id, that primitive part of our nature that is repressed by social conventions and the need to plan to get what we want. It is, in that it is self gratifying without recourse to opinion, it is every animalistic urge that can only be released through art, because to do it any other way would have terrible repercussions. Having said that, next to my early work, it is not particularly arty or deep. It is psychedelic because it looks to reaching a higher consciousness by through creativity, to reach a state beyond the normal level of seeing things, it is also psychedelic and surreal in the commonly understood sense, it is 'trippy' and sometimes deals with drugs. It starts like this… "I floated above my body, I was a bubble fit to burst, I squeezed and struggled with my form, my clothes gripping and distorting my figure with their relative solidity, were the same ghost like material as the rest of me. Down below my face stared back at me; distorted and grotesque as the spirit shapes on the bark of trees, I felt my ghost face and it was etched there too, deforming me, chiselled by a million molecules of heroin, I had my wings, hung as from a pin, spread and feathered, and spanning the whole nicotine ceiling. I stared at the blue marbled arm; growing out like the gnarled branch of a tree, the fingers gesturing me towards it, and hanging from it, the syringe full of bubbles, blood and a quicksand of powdered death whirling like a vortex. A spoon lay on the floor and a small bit of cigarette filter in it, all having served a purely symbolic process. It seemed years of injecting powders and stuff flicked down to a dirty lemonade had paid off, perhaps a bubble could kill you after all." The book is I think taking one thing at least to a new level in literature, egomania. That is because the concept of the book is I the authors fight with god who is defeated, whilst at the same time dealing with my real life struggles as I go back through things that really actually happened to me in my drug filled and violent life as a drug dealer and through prison etcetera, and, changing them. I say egomania but again I mean the Id, the ego compromises, the Id does not. It is a very angry book because I am taking back the control that was taken from me, in that, to a very large extent I did not choose my life but it was forced on me, as with all the mishaps of all my dead friends who did not survive, through suicide, alcoholism, heroin overdose and murder. Enter God. God then is a symbol for society, capitalism, and the state, and also, plain bad luck. So is God then not God, is the book not satanic? My interest in black magic personally does not extend to believing in it, or God in any accepted sense either. I believe in magic as will, that Hitler could gain power through will is magic, that people can realise the future not through clairvoyance but precognition, taking in the world around them and understanding consciously or unconsciously where it is all going to lead, that kind of magic I believe, the other sort I only have a fair knowledge of as an interest and I am not a Satanist, that would be a misplacement of effort. "The noise got louder, but lower, rather than higher, so it travelled further and vibrated the walls. Crack's appeared in the walls in the form of a hundred distorted faces of people I had known, adventured and suffered with. A fragment of glass from a picture of 'Judith with the head of Hollerfernes' hit me in my eye, almost bursting my substance, which it settled in like a bloody monocle, magnifying the African tribal Fang mask in the centre of the wall, with its pale long wooden nose and owl like brow, its jutting chin; appeared to grow eyes that searched with the deepest hideous depth around my room and the dead body of me whose 'nakedness' I wanted to cover from the gaze. The mask bowed and came out of the wall, after it a huge body wearing the blue pinstripes of my wall paper and looking every bit the business man, come to settle my accounts, I was not about to make it easy. The scrambled voices became one, the word "Jonathan!" boomed. This was God, this was the confrontation I had been waiting for my whole life." The meaning of that is obvious in the pinstriped suit I think, but also a little later the meaning and symbolism is made totally obvious. "God spoke "I am the unity, I am the morals and the law, think like me and my triumphs will be your triumphs because there will be no difference, surrender all self generated thought of conflict, all difference is imaginary, it is not held and is alien to mind." I replied simply, my head turned to him from my place on the ceiling, "I am my desire." -A little later it gets really obvious. "With haste I flew forward and stabbed God in the eyes with my fingers, which flattened against the harder substance of Gods eyes, I cried out "This is for poverty, this is for the atomisation of life, this is for your prisons and the police, for all my friends who are lost yet alive, and all those you sent to hell which is a place on Earth. This is for everything." Soon events from the past unfold, and people I knew come into the picture such as Jay. Jay was a traveller; that is he moved from town to town, lived rough and begged. He had the unnerving attribute of being both friendly, warm, and a complete psychopath, loyal and perverse, he was a real good character for a book. I meet Jay again fishing in Hell. "I dropped my line in the molten lead from my rod. Immediately the rod bent almost double, despite its thickness. It pulled so hard I estimated that what ever was on the end must have been over two hundred pounds. I reeled in my rod and a giant fish splashed on the end of it, it looked like some kind of gigantic roach, its tail splashing molten lead at me as its body curved in the waves trying to get away. I landed the fish in the boat and it suffocated there its mouth open and body heaving, I marvelled at the square scales on its silver body, bigger than my hands. As I stood fascinated, the body of the fish, distorted as if something inside was trying to push its way out, a fist punched its way through, then two hands, pulled the fish apart, then before me was the crouched naked body of Jay, covered in a stinky fish slime, he held his nose and spoke nasally. "Hello Monster!" he said smoothly. Jay stood up tall, rocking only slightly; and threw chunks of fish in the water, now without the protection of its tough outer layers, the bits of fish flamed up as they entered the sea, with puffs of flame and billows of smoke. He held the rest of the carcass above his head, his arms at full length, and chucked that in after it; there was a huge flaming that threatened to engulf the boat, but it went out fast. I was pleased to see Jay, I had him picked out as my right hand man, there was something about him that persuaded you to trust him at the same time as acknowledging he wasn't entirely trust worthy, a slightly sly warmth, a look in the eyes that said he was tough and dependable, but somehow self centred. But, however he was useful, very handy; a good person to know. I asked a searching question. "How are you here? As far as I know you're still alive." Jay looked at me long and hard "Doesn't bloody look like it does it Monster. In Hell as well. What did I do to deserve that? A few fights, drug dealing, a couple of rich burglaries, fucking a tree on LSD, underage sex and a sexual assault in McDonalds that was nothing but feeling some ones leg, and I'm in Hell." Yes, he was really like that and he did all those things. The character of Jay is a rich part of the book, to which I am indebted to knowing him, not that many people will ever read it, but I live to write, quite literally. Another theme of the book is the yearning for togetherness, community, against the very real need for individuality, adventure and subjectivity. The two themes run through every religion, philosophy and form of politics to a varying degree of scientific application. It is not as simple as one or the other and both sides in the book take both approaches. There is no answer in human nature between the two, it is irreconcilable and all we can do is draw attention theoretically to the issue between fascism and anarchism, individuality and togetherness, though we do find more honest and liveable conditions in libertarianism than dictatorial politics. The problem between wanting togetherness and a shared identity, but being repulsed at having to give up subjectivity so pervades the book that many characters rebel against the human form, whilst not giving up the need for community, and become many headed monsters. But, the book insists, the need for adventure is the unifying theory that makes sense of our misery and creates a symbiosis between the conflicting forces. "As the ship rowed closer I realised it was the rule of these creatures, my brave men which is what they were, to reject the human form given by God for those of their own imagination, and to conjoin like the ultimate pack of animals, or; what I had seen in human riots when a crowd does indeed become a single and very different animal than the sum of its parts. I saw men who had formed their joints together to form the bodies of double kneed, twelve-foot men with two heads. Two had done that. The dragon with seven necks and six heads was also there, waiting in futility for my strange communion, for I was still attached to the human form, it still represented for me a thing of beauty and free autonomy." The book is all about conflict, but as Buddhists say, all conflict is imaginary, so I think, we are all in a state of symbiosis in a world where assistance between organisms is the norm even when it appears in the form of its opposite. That's all I want to say about the book.

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Jay’s smile got even broader “But it’s kind of appropriate don’t you think? I think I will carry on using it, I’m not going to call you fucking Satan.”

“No, don’t do that” I said, feeling slightly queasy.

Jay went into the Kitchen, whistled, then the kettle whistled and he was back in with two cups of coffee. He handed me a cup insinuating strength in his hand and I put it to my lips. I immediately felt a bit drowsy.

Jay noticed “Here lie down Monster, I’ll watch over the fort.”

I put my feet up on the couch, almost unable to move, and my eyes rolled and my eyelids would not stay open so I let them stay shut.

I slept lightly however, drugged as I was, I heard Jays voice, then Gods, paralysed and unable to move or open my eyes, yet I dreamed perfectly what was happening around me.

Jay took a step back from God, his attempt at a smile, ending in open mouthed apprehension. “He’ll sleep for hours, why don’t you take him out now, get it all over with.”

God replied leaning and booming “I want him to suffer after what he did to me, to go through the effort of finding her only to be tricked and powerless; to see him watch the girl suffer in person.”

Jay shook his head uncomfortable with the thought. God handed him a slip of paper with symbols on it of a magical nature.

God boomed, insinuating my sleep “This slip with the seals on it, will take away his powers when you put it in his pocket, do it when we meet, give him clues to find the girl if he still doesn’t work it out.”

Jay replied “Well, okay then.”

Having been scarred and vulnerable I now had to nearly laugh, God would help me find Jane and all I had to do was keep my enemy close and out of my pockets, my mind at ease I allowed myself to fall back asleep, the worst that would happen is I would awake with my eyebrows shaved off. But; even before I was asleep I was taken by a sinking disappointment that took me under faster, so I slipped down into a welcome feeling of death overtaking me; it was so disappointing, I had wanted so much to believe in Jay, give him a chance to do the right thing, I had thought that I had known something inherently reliable in him, beneath his faults and mistakes, instead I was experiencing the betrayal that had lurked there inside him, it seemed to be his defining feature after all.

I awoke some hours later to Jay staring at me protectively from his seat across the room. I immediately sat up and examined the postcard in my pocket, ‘so Jay will help me find her.’ The picture made me swell with tortured anger, a big man in a suit with his trousers around his ankles was abusing her. The fascination I felt for her kept drawing me back to the picture, my anger had a trinity, it made me angry with myself for being fascinated; and for caring; giving the response God wanted, finally at the petty mindedness of God, though the bible should of informed me of that, and a far from happy life, when I was alive.

“Any clues?” asked Jay.

“She always dances in the early hours of the morning”, I said edgily

“Let me see” Jay demanded in a friendly manner.

I handed the picture to Jay “Looks like the guys some kind of bouncer” Said Jay.

I surged upright and banged my head with my fist “Of course she’s in a night club! May be if I could watch her dance I could tell the songs from the rhythms of the music, the tunes in her eyes, maybe tell that the song meant something to her, a memory I can isolate, narrow down the kind of place and the era. I don’t know what to do, he’s hurting her because of me, who I am, I made it happen; we’re fishing again.”

“No” said Jay, “it’s simpler than that, he may want you to find her, is there an appropriate night club, somewhere with memories or somewhere apt to him? Does it ring any bells Monster? I want to help you really I do.”

I believed him, and with a sense of triumph because I knew where he was leading me and his guess was not a guess and there for reliable, there was only one place ‘apt’, but I would still have to hunt for it.

I searched Jays face for evidence of his sincerity, he really wanted to make this as easy as possible, I said “She was raped in a night club some years ago, I don’t know where, could have been Liverpool. I’m guessing he took her back there, to that time and place. Do you know where?”

Jay looked bemused, possibly hurt; “I can’t tell you that Monster, there’s no way for me to know. A police report might have been filed by the other girl.”

“The other girl?” I said. Jay had slipped up; he would expect me to quiz him on it.

Jay looked cool, “You said there was another girl involved.” Jay flexed his fingers and made a cage out of them, smiling, I was sure he didn’t realise he was unconsciously signifying a trap

“I must of” I replied, disconcerted by Jays charming exposure of what was on his mind.

Jay looked disconcerted too; I wondered if he had seen through me. “Jon, you know I’ve never let you down, remember when I wouldn’t serve scouse some draw and he insulted you and you fought him, I joined in when he had you in that head lock, we took care of him and threw him out. I’ve never let you down, we’re solid. I wouldn’t let you down ever if I had a choice.”

A little touched I replied “Just do what you have to do Jay, as I said to Kieran and Frazer when they were ripping off my grass; if you feel you have to take then take, just don’t take the piss.” I started to roll a fag.

Jay’s eyes went far away “I would never let you down, not in my heart, we go way back. Some times when we help each other, we can’t even say.”

I always wanted to trust Jay, never quite sure I could, or any one else for that matter. Caught in the past I had a thought, as I spoke I got carried away, I lit my fag and spun circles of smoke, dotted the red tip in the air like I was drawing a map, a plan of action. “We should bring the streets to God. What do we know, skip diving, begging, rolling dog ends, drugs, fighting, improvised weapons, shoplifting, burglary; we have a knowledge he isn’t as conversant with, he should fight on our ground not the other way. Drugs of all sorts, known or invented, can give us an edge in speed of thought or imagination, increase strength. I have lock picks for the advantage of surprise, I have a survival manual with every kind of home made weapon and explosive, we can leave here and lie low, we can squat, we can survive anywhere, in all three worlds.” With that I flicked ash on the floor, watched it sail, land and disintegrate with the thought of destruction. My little bombshell.

I looked at Jay “I’m going to make a Gollum to find Jane; we are going to be busy with other things. I will make him small and he can go unnoticed.”

Jay looked intent and put his hands in the air “Okay; what ever a Gollum is.”

I looked him in the eyes and replied “A Gollum is voodoo, it is a miniature version of me brought to life to do my bidding, he will search unnoticed and find her, he will be telepathically connected to me, I will be able to find him in my mind and know what he is doing all the time. He can find the place and recon it. Meanwhile we can make weapons and powerful drugs, since we’re going to be taking him on in the physical world and our magic won’t be so strong. We need a zip gun for you since I have shotgun cartridges; I have my Dessert Eagle” I patted the gun at my waist “We also need powerful drugs both positive and negative, If we can imagine a different world down there, our magic will still be as effective, we need a contact poison, my lock picks, and some more improvised weapons.”

Jay started walking to the kitchen whistling “Well I will take care of the weapons and the pharmacy; you can get on with your Gollum thing” He said between whistles.

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