Guy Maupassant - Comedy of Marriage and Other Tales

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Oh, no, not having anything to lose, they have nothing to risk.

MME. DE SALLUS

Ah, men are sad creatures! They marry a young girl because she is demure and self-contained, and they leave her on the morrow to dangle after a girl who is not young and who certainly is not demure, her chief attraction being that all the rich and well-known men about town have at one time been in her favor. The more danglers she has after her, the more she is esteemed, the more she is sought after, and the more she is respected; that is to say, with that kind of Parisian respect which accrues to a woman in the degree of her notoriety – a notoriety due either to the scandal she creates, or the scandal men create about her. Ah, yes, you men are so nice in these things!

M. DE SALLUS [ laughs gently ]

Take care! One would think you were jealous.

MME. DE SALLUS

I? Jealous? For whom do you take me? [ The butler announces .] Madame is served. [ Hands a letter to M. de Sallus.]

MME. DE SALLUS [ to Jacques de Randol]

Your arm, M. Jacques de Randol.

JACQUES DE RANDOL [ in a low tone ]

How I love you!

MME. DE SALLUS [ indifferently ]

Just a little, I suppose.

JACQUES DE RANDOL

Ah, no; with all my soul!

M. DE SALLUS [ after reading his letter ]

Come along, then, let us go to dinner. I have to go out this evening.

JEAN MARTINEL

Nephew of M. Martinel, a painter; not yet thirty years of age, but already well known and the recipient of various honors.

LEON DE PETITPRÉ

Brother to Gilberts Martinel, a young lawyer about thirty years of age.

M. MARTINEL

An old gunmaker of Havre, aged fifty-five.

M. DE PETITPRÉ

An old magistrate, officer of the Legion of Honor. Aged sixty.

DR. PELLERIN

A fashionable physician of about thirty-five.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Sister to M. de Petitpré, about fifty-five years of age.

HENRIETTE LÉVÊQUE

Nicknamed Musotte; a little model, formerly Jean Martinel’s mistress. Twenty-two years of age.

MME. FLACHE

A midwife. Formerly a ballet-dancer at the Opera. About thirty-five years of age.

GILBERTE MARTINEL

Daughter of M. and Mme. de Petitpré, married in the morning to Jean Martinel. About twenty years old.

LISE BABIN

A nurse, about twenty-six.

SERVANTS

Time: Paris of to-day. The first and third acts take place in M. de Petitpré’s drawing-room.

The second act takes place in Musotte’s bedchamber .

( A richly yet classically furnished drawing-room in M. de Petitpré’s house. A table , C.; sofas , R.; chairs and armchairs , L. Wide doors , C., opening upon a terrace or gallery. Doors R. and L. of C. Lighted lamps .)

Enter from R. M. de Petitpré, Monsieur Martinel, Madame de Ronchard, Léon de Petitpré, Jean and Gilberte. Gilberte is in her bridal attire, but without wreath and veil .

MME. DE RONCHARD [ after bowing to M. Martinel, whose arm she relinquishes, seats herself R.]

Gilberte, Gilberte!

GILBERTE [ leaves Jean’s arm ]

What is it, Auntie?

MME. DE RONCHARD

The coffee, my dear child.

GILBERTE [ goes to the table ]

I will give you some, Auntie.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Don’t soil your gown.

LÉON [ comes up ]

No, no, not to-day shall my sister serve coffee. The day of her marriage! No, indeed, I will take care of that. [ To Mme. de Ronchard.] You know that I am a lawyer, my dear Aunt, and therefore can do everything.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Oh, I know your abilities, Léon, and I appreciate them —

LÉON [ smiles, and gives his Aunt a cup of coffee ]

You are too good.

MME. DE RONCHARD [ taking cup, dryly ]

For what they are worth.

LÉON [ aside, turns to the table ]

There she goes again – another little slap at me! That is never wanting. [ offers a cup to Martinel.] You will take a small cup, won’t you, M. Martinel, and a nip of old brandy with it? I know your tastes. We will take good care of you.

MARTINEL

Thank you, Léon.

LÉON [ to Petitpré]

Will you have a cup, father?

PETITPRÉ

I will, my son.

LÉON [ to the newly married couple, seated L. and talking aside ]

And you, you bridal pair there? [ The couple, absorbed in each other, do not answer. ] Oh, I suppose we must not bother you. [ He sets cup down on the table ].

PETITPRÉ [ to Martinel]

You don’t smoke, I believe?

MARTINEL

Never, thank you.

MME. DE RONCHARD

You astonish me! My brother and Léon would not miss smoking each day for anything in the world. But what an abomination a cigar is!

PETITPRÉ

A delicious abomination, Clarisse.

LÉON [ turns to Mme. de Ronchard]

Almost all abominations are delicious, Auntie; in fact many of them, to my personal knowledge, are exquisite.

MME. DE RONCHARD

You naughty fellow!

PETITPRÉ [ takes Léon’s arm ]

Come and smoke in the billiard-room, since your aunt objects to it here.

LÉON [ to Petitpré]

The day when she will love anything except her spaniels —

PETITPRÉ

Hold your tongue and come along. [ Exit C.]

MARTINEL [ to Mme. de Ronchard]

This is the sort of marriage that I like – a marriage that, in this Paris of yours, you don’t have very often. After the wedding breakfast, which takes place directly after you come from the church, all the guests go home, even the maids of honor and the ushers. The married couple remain at home and dine with their parents or relatives. In the evening they play billiards or cards, just as on an ordinary night; the newly married couple entertain each other. [Gilberte and Jean rise, and hand in hand slowly retire C.] Then, before midnight, good night!

MME. DE RONCHARD [ aside ]

Which is altogether very bourgeois !

MARTINEL [ sits R. upon the sofa beside Mme. de Ronchard]

As to newly married couples – instead of going on that absurd and traditional thing you call a honeymoon, it is far better for them to go at once to the apartment or house prepared for them. I dare say you will think my plan lacking in fashion and display, but I cannot help that. For myself, I must say that I like absence of all ostentation.

MME. DE RONCHARD

Your plan is not according to the customs of polite society, Monsieur.

MARTINEL

Polite society, indeed! Why, there are thirty-six different kinds of polite society. For instance, take Havre.

MME. DE RONCHARD [ interrupts ]

I know only ours. [ Corrects herself. ] That is, I mean to say, mine, which is the correct one.

MARTINEL

Oh, naturally, naturally! Nevertheless, simple as it may be, this marriage is an acknowledged fact, and I hope that you have taken into your good books my dear nephew, who, until now —

MME. DE RONCHARD

I can hardly help doing so since he is my brother’s son-in-law, and my niece’s husband.

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