Julia Deering - The Playful Parent - 7 ways to happier, calmer, more creative days with your under-fives

Toys play Twister:If you have the game Twister (which I highly recommend getting) you can set it out for your little one with a few soft toys as the contestants. Your child can be in charge of the spinner and move the toys to the correct colour spots on the play-mat. They’ll make up the rest of the rules as they go along.

Sustenance

Whether we want to make a cup of tea or have a quick sandwich, finding time for our own sustenance is often a huge challenge for parents of the under-fives. One of my friends told me how she would surreptitiously eat most of her meals and snacks standing in her kitchen, facing away from her kids while they were in their high chairs. She had to hide what she was eating because they would always abandon whatever they were doing, even if it was having something identical, in favour of her food. Another friend’s two-year-old had a serious obsession with kettles for a while; he desperately wanted to open and close the lid and put the kettle on its stand over and over again if he ever got the faintest whiff of anyone wanting a cuppa. It was often easier to just not ever think about having a cup of tea. Some young children are very intrigued for a while with the process of food preparation and, as another mum told me, ‘sometimes, just sometimes, I’d rather they just let me get on with it.’

‘. . . very little ones grabbing at/climbing up your legs, or trying to get in the oven when you open it, or wanting to be carried so you have to do everything with one hand. Bigger little ones demanding food instantly when you are trying to cook it, “but Mum, I want something to eat NOW”! If you give in and do snacks then the cooked food doesn’t get eaten.’

A mum of two, trying to make lunch

Maybe the dream scenario, while food and drink is being prepared and partaken, is for your little one to be – as the French would have it – sage ; a word I rather like. By this they mean that children, and very young children at that, are calm and self-controlled around food and at mealtimes – they certainly do not clamber to take your food, or food that’s destined for them but that is not ready yet, nor do they ask for different food. The way in which French parents achieve these dream eating habits and table manners in les enfants is, as you may have guessed, by setting strict rules; there is certainly no pandering to the potential fussy eaters out there. But I can totally see how the sage child, the calm and well-mannered child that waits patiently while food is being prepared, eats when and what they’re given, and allows their parents to do the same, might be something that makes this particular aspect of parenting easier. It’s how to achieve this, though, and that’s the tricky bit. Unless you’re French, of course.

If your child is finding it difficult at mealtimes – is not sage – and is exhibiting unwanted behaviour, then take a look at the chapter Sanity Savers, which might help. If, however, your child can’t find their flow of independent play while you prepare food or drink for yourself or them, try one or two of these 10-second set-ups to help them wait:

Play dough:This is a kitchen basic in my house. It’s such a wonderful way to get young children busy and concentrating at the kitchen table or on a plastic mat on the floor while the grown up cooks. There’s a recipe for homemade play dough– and a batch will last for ages if you keep it in an airtight container. One of the best things about using play dough as a 10-second set-up is that it is so versatile – you can ring the changes in a flash, refreshing children’s interest by offering different things to use with it; from favourite figurines, shells and sticks and rubber stamps, to toy kitchen equipment like plastic cookie-cutters and rolling pins, cupcake cases, buttons and pipe cleaners. The only thing they mustn’t do is eat it.

Empty muffin tins and ice cube trays:These compartmentalised containers are irresistible to young children. Just add pom-poms, favourite mini figurines, toys or play dough and see how the play develops.

Egg boxes and cardboard tubes:These recyclables are brilliant for little ones. Grab what’s to hand from your recycling stash and add some things to hide in the boxes or slide down the tubes, such as small figurines or toy vehicles. Or make a sensory tub for your little one to explore, right before their eyes, by placing the tubes and egg boxes in a large, wide-based box along with some uncooked rice (the rice can be used again and again), some plastic scoops, bowls and a funnel or two.

Pestle and mortar and herbs:We have a wooden pestle and mortar which my two children have loved since they were tiny; it makes them feel very chef-like or scientist-like. Just put out some handfuls of things for them to crush – like herbs from the garden, eggshells, a cracker or a few cornflakes.

Pincer practice:If you have a set of small tongs in your kitchen, or a set of kids’ chopsticks or tweezers, you can entice your child with a challenge to sort pom-poms, uncooked pasta shapes (which you can use again and again), fresh apple skin or carrot peelings – these are great materials for scissor practice too.

What’s in the drawer?:My mum had a drawer in her kitchen which could be easily reached and opened by my two children when they were tots. She realised this, and so always had some wonderful kitchen-y things in there for them to haul out and investigate. If you have a drawer that your little one always delves into, why not make it a ‘magic’ drawer and occasionally change or add to its contents? It could have a range of things inside from wooden spoons, a colander, sieve, and tubs and bowls, to more surprising contents from time to time like:

a few tote bags, cardboard boxes or socks with interesting things inside to investigate

a book or two

a soft toy

stuff for a tea party – a toy tea set, tablecloth and a toy guest or two

a clean metal baking tray, which will be magnetic, plus any magnetic dinosaurs, letters, vehicles or whatever you have to hand

plastic cups, bowls, containers and wooden spoons

Colander and pipe cleaners:This has become a bit of a classic ‘as seen on’ the Pinterest boards of the world – and with good reason. Young children really love posting and weaving pipe cleaners in and out the holes of a colander.

Salt-trays:A little fine table salt goes a long way. Thinly cover a tray with salt, and let your little one make their mark – just as they like (though do keep an eye on them to make sure they don't eat it!). You can add paintbrushes and forks to let them create different marks. A little side-to side shake allows them to start over again. Set them up somewhere where they’re comfortable and can really see into the tray easily – a low table, or the floor (with a wipe-clean tablecloth or play-mat underneath).

Busy bags: What you’ll need to do beforehand: Take a couple of small tote bags or simple drawstring bags and fill them with different things from time to time. The surprise of a new bag appearing is usually a big hit. In the busy bags you could put: