Edward Phillips - More of the World’s Best Drinking Jokes

Fourth Estate

An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

A HarperCollins Original 1993

Text copyright © Edward Phillips 1993

Edward Phillips asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks

HarperCollins Publishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication

Source ISBN: 9780006379591

Ebook Edition © APRIL 2016 ISBN: 9780008191955

Version: 2016-09-28

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Copyright Copyright Copyright More of the World's Best Drinking Jokes Keep Reading Also Available About the Publisher Fourth Estate An Imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd. 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk A HarperCollins Original 1993 Text copyright © Edward Phillips 1993 Edward Phillips asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks HarperCollins Publishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication Source ISBN: 9780006379591 Ebook Edition © APRIL 2016 ISBN: 9780008191955 Version: 2016-09-28

More of the World's Best Drinking Jokes More of the World's Best Drinking Jokes A wife decided she would leave her drunken husband, but a neighbour persuaded her to give him one more chance. ‘Instead of nagging him,’ she was advised, ‘treat him nicely. Maybe he’ll feel so ashamed, he’ll stop drinking so heavily.’ So the next night when he staggered home, she did not rant as usual. She made him a cup of tea, warmed his slippers, loosened his collar and tie and stroked his head. ‘Shall we go to bed now?’ she suggested. ‘Might as well,’ he replied. ‘If I go home, there’ll only be a row.’ Did you hear the one about the two drunks who were riding a roller coaster? Finally one turned to the other and said, ‘You know, I think we got on the wrong bus!’ A doctor, hoping to cure a man of his alcoholism, asked him, ‘How did you come to get so completely intoxicated?’ ‘I got into bad company, doctor,’ he said. ‘You see, there were four of us. I had a bottle of whisky, and the other three were teetotallers.’ In the course of an interview, a British wine expert visiting a French vineyard was asked by a reporter, ‘Which do you think is more important, sex or wine?’ The connoisseur thought it over, then cautiously enquired, ‘Claret or Burgundy?’ The drunk was on his way home after an afternoon drinking session. He accidentally wandered into the zoo and found himself in front of a cage containing a hippopotamus. ‘Don’t look at me like that, dear,’ he stammered. ‘I can explain everything!’ I like the way they test whisky in Kentucky. They take a jug of the stuff and send a charge of electricity through it. If the whisky turns sour, it’s no good. But if it chases the current back to the generator, then it’s ready for sale. If you’re drinking, don’t drive to work. In fact, if you’re drinking, don’t go to work at all – stay home and have a ball. A little boy of about ten went into a bar and sat down at one of the tables, all by himself. The barmaid came over and he said, ‘Bring me a double Scotch.’ ‘You’re under age – do you want to get me into trouble?’ the waitress said. ‘We’ll talk about that later – just bring me my double Scotch.’

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Also Available Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес». Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес. Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.

About the Publisher Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес». Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес. Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.

More of the World's Best Drinking Jokes

A wife decided she would leave her drunken husband, but a neighbour persuaded her to give him one more chance. ‘Instead of nagging him,’ she was advised, ‘treat him nicely. Maybe he’ll feel so ashamed, he’ll stop drinking so heavily.’ So the next night when he staggered home, she did not rant as usual. She made him a cup of tea, warmed his slippers, loosened his collar and tie and stroked his head. ‘Shall we go to bed now?’ she suggested.

‘Might as well,’ he replied. ‘If I go home, there’ll only be a row.’