Debra Kastner - A Holiday Prayer

Neil slipped quietly away into the night, away from Maddie, feeling the cold closing around him with every step he took. His hands clenched into fists, trying to force from his mind the lie still ringing in his ears.

My friends call me Rory.

Keeping to the shadows of the makeshift tent, Neil adjusted the collar of his knee-length wool coat high around his neck. From his pocket he pulled a Colorado Rockies baseball cap which he placed low over his brow, shadowing his ravaged face from the crowd.

He couldn’t afford to have anyone recognize him and uncover his deception.

It was the very same reason that, up until last night, he never went out in public: to keep the world from finding out the truth about that one accursed night. Finding out the truth about him.

Until Maddie.

She forced him out of his self-imposed solitude, though she was the last person on earth with whom he wanted to come face-to-face. The irony of his situation cut him like a razor.

He watched her approach the podium nervously, hesitating before the clamoring crowd. From his vantage point near the front and to the right, he could see her hand shaking as she stepped before the microphone. She tapped it gently with her forefinger, then stepped back when the speakers crackled. Neil couldn’t help chuckling.

He tamped down the desire to rescue her. She was putting on a good show for the crowd, but he could see the lines of strain around her mouth, the fear shining in her eyes. He wanted to burst forward, take over the situation, put her at ease. He was good with people, had no trouble speaking in public. He could stand by her side, make things easier for her.

But this was her night. As tough as speaking before this crowd was, it was something she needed to do. He couldn’t rush in and take her place, not only because it wouldn’t be fair to Maddie, but because he’d be recognized. He needed to stay under the cover of darkness.

Clearing her throat, she began again, quietly at first, and then with growing passion, to tell the agonizing story that began and ended with March’s Department Store.

She was so beautiful, even with her features laced with pain and sadness. She looked like an angel from heaven under the stage lights, glowing with a warmth and purity that pervaded even the pain.

Neil’s chest tightened. If only it were another place, another time. If he could erase the past, he would be in grave danger of losing his heart.

But the past could never be changed. He would forever live in the cold shadow of Peter Carlton’s death.

The chill of the night air enveloped him, the dampness of the light snowfall weighing him down as surely as the guilt burdening his shoulders.

The crowd applauded and Maddie stepped away from the microphone. She grasped Nicky’s hand and then wandered through the throng, looking for a familiar face.

Looking for him.

He stepped out of the shadows and turned quickly to leave. He was a coward. His mind berated him even as he walked away. But he couldn’t play the game anymore.

He wouldn’t. The truth might show in his eyes.

And if she didn’t find out…if her big brown eyes met his, he might throw caution to the wind and act on his feelings. He didn’t know which was worse. And he didn’t want to find out.

He increased his stride and pushed through the crowds, making good his escape.

“Rory, wait!”

She’d seen him. His shoulders stiffened and he slackened his pace. Her words burned inside his chest, but he couldn’t help smiling when he looked into her shining eyes. “How did it feel to be up there in front of everyone?” he asked around the guilt clogging his throat.

“I can’t believe it. I was so nervous, but once I got up there I just forgot about everything except telling the story. My adrenaline’s pumping a mile a minute. It was so…invigorating!”

She reached up and swiped the cap from his head, swatting him playfully in the chest with it.

Neil chuckled and wrenched the cap away from her, tapping her lightly on top of her head before placing the cap in his coat pocket.

With an offended screech, she tried to retrieve it, but he shifted back and forth, always just out of her grasp. “Missed me, Missed me. Now ya gotta kiss me!” he whispered in her ear, hugging her to his chest.

Laughing and sputtering, they both fell into a heap in a cold, wet snowbank. Suddenly her smile faded and self-doubt flooded her expression. “But I—how did I do? Really?”

“You were wonderful, Maddie. Born to be a public speaker.”

Maddie grinned. “Now there’s hogwash if I’ve ever heard it. But please—don’t stop!” It had been so long since she’d heard a compliment from a man. She felt her cheeks flaming with heat, but she didn’t care. Right now she was willing to beg for a compliment from this handsome stranger.

He made her laugh. He made her feel. He made the night light up with thousands of brilliant colors that put the Wildlights to shame.

He pulled her into the curve of his arm, the palm of her hand against his chest. She could feel his heart pounding, and her own heartbeat rose in challenge.

She glanced at her son, hoping the boy was not upset by the sight of this unknown man with his arm around her shoulder. But Nicky seemed oblivious, running ahead with wild abandon from one display to the next. He exclaimed over the lights, bounced excitedly over every new animal he discovered. And when he glanced back at his mother, he only smiled to see her in Rory’s arms.

“Shall I tell you how beautiful you are?” Rory whispered as they followed the path her son had taken. “How your brown eyes sparkle in the moonlight?”

“Mmm,” Maddie answered, allowing her emotions to be led as her feet were being led. Far from reality and deeply into a dream.

“You can’t be serious,” she whispered.

“Ah, but I am.” He grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“You can feel it,” he continued, “here.” He placed her palm over his heart. “And you can see it…”

She could see into the depths of his blazing dark eyes, see a flicker of untamed emotion so intense that it heated her insides. She couldn’t have been married for eight years without recognizing what was happening to her, knowing what she was feeling. Understanding what she’d been missing.

It wasn’t just a kiss or a touch that she lacked. She missed the intimacy of two souls meeting, and bonding. She missed this amazing instant and uncanny rapport they shared.

It was what he longed for, as well. She could feel it in her heart. He wasn’t playing games with her. The intensity in his eyes left no doubt that he was serious.

And this time, she didn’t want to run away.

She knew the moment he read her answer in her eyes. She couldn’t have spoken if she had wanted to—except with her heart. And she hoped that was enough for Rory.

He cupped her chin in his palm and shook his head ever so slightly. His dark eyes clouded, but Maddie was beyond being able to do more than lean into him, asking for his affection the only way she could.

“Maddie, I—”

“Rory.”

A muffled groan rose from the depths of his chest as he gave in to the longing in his eyes. The unspoken question remained as his gaze locked with hers, and slowly, slowly, he bent his head toward her.

Maddie’s senses heightened until she was sure she could feel the crackling of tension in the air between them. His featherlight caress of her cheek, sliding gently to the back of her neck to pull her closer, became the focus of her world.

And those eyes. Those eyes.

She wanted to cling to him, to share one breath and heartbeat.