Debra Kastner - A Holiday Prayer

But they both knew this was neither the right time, nor the right place.

Reluctantly, he broke away. “We need to catch up with Nicky,” he murmured, and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, holding her so tightly that he could easily have crushed her, yet so gently that she felt surrounded by the strength of a fortress, safe and protected from the fears haunting her.

She closed her eyes, content for the moment to rest her head against his solid shoulder, to extend the shimmering bliss for as long as possible.

Suddenly his muscles tensed beneath her cheek. Her eyes snapped open to see what was wrong, but Rory wasn’t looking at her.

Jaw clenched, he scanned the throng of people nearby. “Where’d he go?” he asked. His voice was crisp with authority.

“Nicky?” She pointed toward the predatory bird display. “Why, he was right over there when—” She stopped mid-sentence, her eyes searching the area for her son’s familiar face. “Where’s Nicky?”

He was gone.

Her stomach lurched into her throat. Where was he? He’d been exclaiming over the eagles not a minute before. Before she’d lost herself in Rory’s arms.

“Where is he?” she cried, wresting herself from Rory’s embrace. “Where’s my son? Oh, if anything happens to Nicky…”

“Maddie.” Rory’s voice was low and controlled.

“I’ll never forgive myself. “Oh, God, please let him be safe,” she prayed aloud.

“Maddie!”

“This was a terrible, terrible mistake. If I hadn’t—”

“Maddie!” Rory took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. “You’ve got to snap out of it. Take some deep breaths and try to calm down. We’ll find him.”

The even tenor of his words had the needed effect, soothing her soul with steady, reassuring waves. His eyes blazed into hers, transferring his strength to her.

She scrubbed at the tears streaking down her face. “You’re right. Let’s not panic. He can’t be far.”

“We need to put this together piece by piece. A minute ago, Nicky was in front of the eagle cage. Where would he go from there?” Rory took her hand and began backtracking the way they’d come, his eyes alert.

“I don’t know!” she wailed, and burst into a fresh round of tears. “He knows not to wander off. He could be anywhere.”

“He could be. But he isn’t. He’s somewhere. We’ve just got to figure out where.” His words were firm, almost harsh, but the hand stroking the tears on her cheek was gentle and reassuring.

Maddie strained to think of where her son might be, but she couldn’t get past the wild waves of panic in her mind.

She paused as the answer floated just above her consciousness. “The elephants!”

“Didn’t he see the elephants earlier?”

“We didn’t get a chance. We were too busy with the program. And they’ve always been his favorite.” Her voice caught. “I promised him. And then I was so preoccupied with my stupid speech, and finding you—I forgot all about it.”

“Come on, then.” He reached for her hand, then sprinted toward the lights of the pavilion, glancing back from time to time to be sure that she was keeping pace.

She was. She held her breath, hoping against hope that her son was safe. The lights from the Pachyderm Pavilion blazed brightly, beckoning visitors. Nicky would have had no trouble finding his way.

Tears streamed from her eyes, though she fought to keep them back. “God, please,” she whispered quietly and ferverently. “Please. Don’t take Nicky, too.”

She didn’t even realize that she spoke aloud until Rory looked back, his brow furrowed. “He won’t,” he ground out through clenched teeth. “He can’t.”

“No?” she yelled, her body quivering with rage. She didn’t care that she was making a scene, that others were staring at the couple racing helter-skelter through the zoo. Fury threatened to overwhelm her, and she focused on the anger. It gave her strength. It was easier to be angry than afraid. “Why not? He took Peter.”

“Maddie, don’t.”

Rory’s voice was laced with pain, as if her words had been directed toward him. She wasn’t angry with him. Rory had distracted her, but only because she let him.

She was mad at herself. And at God.

But most of all at Neil March. It was all his fault that she was alone. Neil March was responsible for everything bad that had happened to her—even Nicky’s disappearance. If Peter was still alive…

But it wasn’t Neil March that she was hurting with her cutting words. It was Rory. Dear, kind Rory, who appeared just as upset by Nicky’s disappearance as she was.

She didn’t know why it should matter to him, why she should matter to him. But somehow she knew that Rory’s affection for her and Nicky was real. Her anger subsided, leaving her shoulders in tight knots and her stomach unnervingly empty.

Rory stopped as they reached the pavilion and pulled her to him, his breath coming in short gasps that clouded in the crisp air.

Suddenly his embraced tightened. “Maddie, look. There!”

A chuckle erupted from Rory’s throat.

Maddie looked to where he pointed, then sagged against him in relief. If he hadn’t been holding her so tightly, she was certain her legs would have folded beneath her.

Nicky was hanging from the guardrail, leaning as far as his gangly body would let him, straining to touch a friendly elephant’s trunk. He was talking animatedly to the beast, and didn’t even seem to notice that he’d left his mother far behind.

He’s growing up, Maddie thought, the realization pinching her heart. But she knew that Nicky would indeed have panicked once he lost interest in the elephants and realized that he was alone.

Just as she and every other child, at some point in their young lives, had done. She remembered the shocking revelation in her own life—that she was nothing more than a tiny dot on the huge map of civilization. And that she was totally and completely alone.

She’d been shopping in a department store with her father, and begging to be able to stop and look at a colorful rack of books. Her father, thinking he’d give his daughter a moment to browse, had stepped two aisles over to look at hand tools—well within earshot, but completely out of Maddie’s sight.

How she’d screamed, her little heart frantic. She’d been completely terrified.

And had felt utterly alone.

It had happened again when Peter died, and then again for this brief period when she thought she’d lost Nicky. Fortunately, she’d found him before he’d suffered any trauma over the incident. In fact, she was relatively positive he didn’t even know there had been an incident.

If only her own heart was so strong.

“Thank God we found him,” Rory said, echoing the silent prayer in her own thoughts.

He marched up to the boy and picked him off the rail by the waist. Nicky yelled and squirmed, but Rory held him tightly until he’d calmed.

“You little scamp!” he chastised gently but firmly. “You gave your mother and me a healthy scare.”

Nicky started to protest, then looked at Maddie. She knew she couldn’t hide her tear-streaked face, and a fresh wave of tears already threatened to engulf her.

“Young man!” she said in her best mother’s voice. “Don’t you ever wander off on me again. Is that understood?”

Nicky’s bottom lip quivered endearingly. Maddie gave him a moment, then opened her arms to him. He dashed to her, and she held him tight, squeezing her eyes tight against the tears. Her dear little man. And he was safe. Thank you, God, she silently prayed. Forgive me for my anger. I know I should have trusted you.