David Walliams - Ratburger

First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2012

Published in this ebook edition in 2019

HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,

HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Text © David Walliams 2012

Illustrations © Tony Ross 2012

Cover lettering of author’s name © Quentin Blake 2010

David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780007453542

Ebook Edition © 2019 ISBN: 9780007453559

Version: 2019-09-16

For Frankie, the boy with the beautiful smile.

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2012 Published in this ebook edition in 2019 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk Text © David Walliams 2012 Illustrations © Tony Ross 2012 Cover lettering of author’s name © Quentin Blake 2010 David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Source ISBN: 9780007453542 Ebook Edition © 2019 ISBN: 9780007453559 Version: 2019-09-16

Dedication For Frankie, the boy with the beautiful smile.

Thank-yous Thank-yous: I would like to thank the following people, in order of importance: Ann-Janine Murtagh, my boss at HarperCollins. I love you, I adore you. Thank you so much for believing in me, but most of all, thank you for being you. Nick Lake, my editor. You know I think you are the absolute best in the business, but also thank you so much for helping me NOT ONLY grow as a writer, but also as a man. Paul Stevens, my literary agent. I wouldn’t pay you 10% plus VAT for making a few phone calls if I didn’t feel completely blessed to be represented by you. Tony Ross. You are the most talented illustrator in the price range we had available. Thank you. James Stevens and Elorine Grant, the designers. Thanks. Lily Morgan, the copy editor. Cheers. Sam White, the publicity manager. Geraldine Stroud, the publicity director. Ta.

Meet the characters in this story Meet the characters in this story:

1. Prawn-Cocktail-Crisp Breath

2. A Very Special Little Girl

3. Nuffink

4. Dirty Business

5. Droppings

6. Rat-a-tat-tat

7. Animal Smuggling

8. Bread Sandwich

9. One Shoe

10. The Ogre

11. The Black Death

12. Instant Suspension

13. Burt’s Burgers

14. A Bogie on the Ceiling

15. Ten-Tonne Truck

16. The Blackberry Bush

17. “I Smell a Rat!”

18. “Pulverisation”

19. The Great Escape

20. Tug of War

21. Sizzling Bottom

22. Free Spit

23. The Pulverisation Machine!

24. Childburger

25. Roadkill

26. The Executioner & Axe

27. A Hole in the Fence

28. Rat Poison

29. Pink Furry Slippers

30. Room-mates

31. Rich and Famous Rat

32. Actually Too Much Fudge

Epilogue

Footnotes

Keep Reading …

Books by David Walliams:

About the Publisher

Thank-yous:

I would like to thank the following people, in order of importance:

Ann-Janine Murtagh, my boss at HarperCollins. I love you, I adore you. Thank you so much for believing in me, but most of all, thank you for being you.

Nick Lake, my editor. You know I think you are the absolute best in the business, but also thank you so much for helping me NOT ONLY grow as a writer, but also as a man.

Paul Stevens, my literary agent. I wouldn’t pay you 10% plus VAT for making a few phone calls if I didn’t feel completely blessed to be represented by you.

Tony Ross. You are the most talented illustrator in the price range we had available. Thank you.

James Stevens and Elorine Grant, the designers. Thanks.

Lily Morgan, the copy editor. Cheers.

Sam White, the publicity manager. Geraldine Stroud, the publicity director. Ta.

Meet the characters in this story:

The hamster was dead.

On his back.

Legs in the air.

Dead.

With tears running down her cheeks, Zoe opened the cage. Her hands were shaking and her heart was breaking. As she laid Gingernut’s little furry body down on the worn carpet, she thought she would never smile again.

“Sheila!” called Zoe, as loudly as she could. Despite her father’s repeated pleas, Zoe refused to call her stepmother ‘Mum’. She never had, and she vowed to herself that she never would. No one could replace Zoe’s mum – not that her stepmother ever even tried.

“Shut ya face. I’m watchin’ TV and stuffin’ meself!” came the woman’s gruff voice from the lounge.

“It’s Gingernut!” called Zoe. “He’s not well!”

This was an understatement.

Zoe had once seen a hospital drama on the telly where a nurse tried to revive a dying old man, so she desperately attempted to give her hamster mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by blowing very gently into his open mouth. That didn’t work. Neither did connecting the rodent’s little heart to an AA battery with a paper clip. It was just too late.

The hamster was cold to the touch, and he was stiff.

“Sheila! Please help …!” shouted the little girl.

At first Zoe’s tears came silently, before she let out a gigantic cry. Finally she heard her stepmother trudge reluctantly down the hall of the little flat, which was situated high up on the 37 thfloor of a leaning tower block. The woman made huge effort noises whenever she had to do anything. She was so lazy she would order Zoe to pick her nose for her, though of course Zoe always said ‘no’. Sheila could even let out a groan while changing channels with the TV remote.