David Walliams - Grandpa’s Great Escape

GRANDPA’S GREAT ESCAPE. Text © David Walliams 2015. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

First published in hardback in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2015

HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,

HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is

www.harpercollins.co.uk

1

Illustrations © Tony Ross 2015

Cover lettering of author’s name © Quentin Blake 2015

HB ISBN 978-0-00-749401-9

TPB ISBN 978-0-00-813519-5

Ebook Edition © September 2015 ISBN 9780008140359

Version: 2017-06-22

David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.

1 Cover

2 Title Page

3 Copyright Copyright GRANDPA’S GREAT ESCAPE. Text © David Walliams 2015. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. First published in hardback in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2015 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk 1 Illustrations © Tony Ross 2015 Cover lettering of author’s name © Quentin Blake 2015 HB ISBN 978-0-00-749401-9 TPB ISBN 978-0-00-813519-5 Ebook Edition © September 2015 ISBN 9780008140359 Version: 2017-06-22 David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.

4 Dedication Dedication This book is dedicated to Sam & Phoebe, who are nearly always good. With love, David x

5 Prologue Prologue O ne day Grandpa began to forget things. It was little things at first. The old man would make himself a cup of tea and forget to drink it. Before long he would have lined up a dozen cups of cold tea on his kitchen table. Or he would run a bath and forget to turn off the taps, flooding his neighbour’s flat downstairs. Or he would leave the house with the express purpose of buying a stamp, but return home with seventeen boxes of cornflakes. Grandpa didn’t even like cornflakes. Over time, Grandpa started to forget bigger things. What year it was. Whether his long-deceased wife Peggy was alive or not. One day he even stopped recognising his own son. Most startling of all was that Grandpa completely forgot he was an old age pensioner. The old man had always told his little grandson Jack stories of his adventures in the Royal Air Force all those years ago in World War II. Now these stories became more and more real to him. In fact, instead of just telling these stories, he began living them out. The present faded into scratchy black and white as the past burst into glorious colour. It didn’t matter where Grandpa was, or what he was doing, or whom he was with. In his mind he was a dashing young pilot behind the controls of his Spitfire fighter plane. All the people in Grandpa’s life found this very difficult to understand. Except one person. His grandson Jack. Like all children the boy loved to play, and it seemed to him that his grandpa was playing. Jack realised all you had to do was play too.

6 Part I: Reach for the Sky

7 1 Spam à la Custard

8 2 Slippers

9 3 A Waft of Cheese

10 4 Second-hand Trike

11 5 Loon in the Moon

12 6 A Runaway Bulldozer

13 7 Disneyland for Old People

14 8 Spit it Out!

15 9 Coloured Chalks

16 10 Facts Facts Facts

17 11 A Legend

18 12 Bunking Off

19 13 The Willies

20 14 Cartwheels of Joy

21 15 Snoring Like an Elephant

22 16 Empty Bunk

23 17 Nothing

24 18 Jiggery-Pokery

25 19 Bird of Prey

26 20 Breaking the Rules

27 21 Jungle Roar

28 22 Forty Winks

29 23 Nuts and Berries

30 24 A Wardrobe in a Suit

31 25 Deeper Doo-Doo

32 26 Turning the Tables

33 27 Behind Enemy Lines

34 28 A Costly Call

35 29 A Shadowy Figure

36 Part II: A Matter of Life and Death

37 30 Twilight Towers

38 31 The World’s Ugliest Nurses

39 32 Weeping Willow

40 33 Slither Like a Snake

41 34 Hidden in a Moustache

42 35 Still More Socks

43 36 With a Spoon?!

44 37 Something Dark, Something Creepy

45 38 Dummies

46 39 Bonkers

47 40 A Rope of Knickers

48 41 Jolly Good Show

49 42 Bruises on the Bottom

50 43 Down the Hatch

51 44 All Sorts

52 45 Wigs and Make-up

53 46 Burned Moustache

54 47 Shake & Go

55 48 Inferno!

56 49 Hot as Hell

57 50 Coffboggan

58 51 Swoon

59 52 Lost Marbles

60 Part III: One of Our Aircraft is Missing

61 53 Glory Days

62 54 Racing the Sun

63 55 Driving a Tank

64 56 Fill Her Up!

65 57 ZOOM!

66 58 Never Surrender

67 59 Pure Poetry

68 60 Speeding Through Fire

69 61 Down to Earth

70 Part IV: The Way to the Stars

71 62 Salute to a Hero

72 63 Broken Noses

73 64 Pants on Fire!

74 65 An Army of Oldies

75 66 Goodbye

76 Epilogue

77 Glossary

78 More from the World of David Walliams

79 Also by David Walliams

80 About the Publisher

Guide Cover Contents Chapter 1

1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 2526 27 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 42 43 44 45 46 47 53 54 57 58 59 60 61 64 65 67 66 68 69 70 71 72 73 75 76 77 78 79 81 82 85 86 87 88 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 101 102 104 105 106 107 110 111 112 113 117 118 119 120 121 122 124 125 126 127 130 133 134 135 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 155 158 159 160 161 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 176 177 178 179 182 183 184 185 186 187 189 190 191 192 193 194 198 199 202 203 204 208 209 210 213 214 215 216 217 221 222 223 224 225226 229 230 231 232 234 235 237 236 238 241 242 243 244 245 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 256 257 258 260 261 262 263 267 270 271 272 276 277 278 281 282 283 284 285 286 290 291 292 293 294 295 298 299 300 301 302 303 306 307 308 309 310 314 315 316 317 321 325 326 327 328 331 332 333 334 340 342 343 344 345 346 347 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 359 360 364 365 368 369 370 371 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 401 402 403 404 405 408 410 411 414 416 417 418 419 420 421 424 425 426 427 428 429 432 433 436 437 438 440 441 442 443 446 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461