Andy Stanton - Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity

OF THE CANNIBAL SKELETON PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

ROBOTS, THE NON-EXISTENT PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

MARTIANS, CHARLOTTE GLASS, PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

THE HEXAGONAL PONY, THE GIANT PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

WALKING CHESSMEN, THE CRUMBS PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

OF THE SOUTH AND PLOVER PRAISE FOR Mr Gum: ‘Funny? You bet.’ Guardian ‘Andy Stanton accumulates silliness and jokes in an irresistible, laughter-inducing romp.’ Sunday Times ‘Raucous, revoltingly rambunctious and nose- snortingly funny.’ Daily Mail ‘It’s hilarious, it’s brilliant . . . Stanton’s the Guv’nor, The Boss.’ Danny Baker, BBC London Radio ‘It provoked long and painful belly laughs from my daughter, who is eight.’ Daily Telegraph ‘They’re the funniest books . . . I can’t recommend them enough.’ Stephen Mangan ‘They are brilliant.’ Zoe Ball, Radio 2 ‘Funniest book I have ever and will ever read . . . When I read this to my mum she burst out laughing and nearly wet herself . . . When I had finished the book I wanted to read it all over again it was so good.’ Bryony, aged 8 ‘Do not even think about buying another book – This is gut- spillingly funty.’ Alex, aged 13 ‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant.’ Jeremy Strong

20,000 YEARS BC

NATBOFF

L

ong long timm go in Lamonic Bibber was

cavma days. Bigges cavma was Natboff.

1

‘ME THROW ROCK AT MITY WOOLY

MAMMOF!’ say Natboff. ‘HAHA! WOOLY

MAMMOF CRY LIKK BABY! NATBOFF BIG

AN STRONG! NATBOFF HARIES FATTES

CAVMA OF AL TIMM! NATBOFF BESTT!’

But liff always go rong. Wun day Natboff

walkig alonn wen com acros even bigge harier

cavma of al timm.

‘HOO YOU?’ say Natboff.

‘ME CHUNKA!’ say even bigge cavma.

‘NATBOFF HATE CHUNKA!’ say Natboff.

‘NATBOFF EAT CHUNKA!’ say Natboff.

Natboff try eat Chunka but Natboff no

gud at. Chunka leg to thik for Natboff teeth.

‘HAHA,’ say Chunka. ‘NATBOFF

PATHETI! CHUNKA BESST!

‘NATBOFF GOT CAV?’ say Chunka.

‘YEAH,’ say Natboff.

2

‘NATBOFF GOT WIFE?’ say Chunka.

‘YEAH,’ say Natboff.

‘WAT WIFE NAME?’ say Chunka.

‘WIFE NAME SALLY,’ say Natboff.

‘WEL, THIS CHUNKA LUKKY DAY,’

say Chunka. ‘NOW CHUNKA COM TO

NATBOFF CAV AN STEEL NATBOFF WIFE.’

O NO, thinnk Natboff. NATBOFF WISH

NATBOFF NO TELL CHUNKA ABOU CAV

AN WIFE.

‘HEY CHUNKA,’ say Natboff, crafty stile.

‘YOU KNO JUS NOW WEN NATBOFF

TELL YOU ABOU CAV AN WIFE CAL

SALLY? NATBOFF WAS ONLEH MAKK

JOKKE! THER NO CAV! THER NO SALLY!

JUS FUNNEH JOKKE!’

‘TO LATE,’ say Chunka. ‘CHUNKA

CAN TEL THEY REAL. CHUNKA COMIG

3

TO CAV TO STEEL WIFE.’

O NO, thinnk Natboff. CHUNKA NOT

JUS FAT AN HARY. CHUNKA A CLEVA

FELLO INTO THE BARGEN.

4

Chunka go to Natboff cav an grab up

Sally.

‘HEY SALLY,’ say Chunka. ‘ME

CHUNKA. ME MUCH BETER AN FATTER