William Shakespeare - The Complete Works of William Shakespeare

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

I do obey thee till I give thee bail:—

But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear

As all the metal in your shop will answer.

ANGELO.

Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,

To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Master, there’s a bark of Epidamnum

That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

And then, sir, bears away: our fraughtage, sir,

I have convey’d aboard; and I have bought

The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae.

The ship is in her trim; the merry wind

Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at all

But for their owner, master, and yourself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

How now! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,

What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

Thou drunken slave! I sent the for a rope;

And told thee to what purpose and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

You sent me, sir, for a rope’s end as soon:

You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

I will debate this matter at more leisure,

And teach your ears to list me with more heed.

To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:

Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk

That’s cover’d o’er with Turkish tapestry

There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:

Tell her I am arrested in the street,

And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave; be gone.

On, officer, to prison till it come.

[Exeunt MERCHANT, ANGELO, OFFICER, and ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

To Adriana! that is where we din’d,

Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:

She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.

Thither I must, although against my will,

For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil.

[Exit.]

SCENE 2. The same.

[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.]

ADRIANA.

Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?

Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye

That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?

Look’d he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?

What observation mad’st thou in this case

Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?

LUCIANA.

First he denied you had in him no right.

ADRIANA.

He meant he did me none; the more my spite.

LUCIANA.

Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA.

And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

LUCIANA.

Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA.

And what said he?

LUCIANA.

That love I begg’d for you he begg’d of me.

ADRIANA.

With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA.

With words that in an honest suit might move.

First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA.

Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA.

Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA.

I cannot, nor I will not hold me still;

My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,

Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;

Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;

Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

LUCIANA.

Who would be jealous then of such a one?

No evil lost is wail’d when it is gone.

ADRIANA.

Ah! but I think him better than I say,

And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse:

Far from her nest the lapwing cries, away;

My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Here, go; the desk, the purse: sweet now, make haste.

LUCIANA.

How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

By running fast.

ADRIANA.

Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.

A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;

One whose hard heart is button’d up with steel;

A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;

A wolf—nay worse, a fellow all in buff;

A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands

The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;

A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry foot well;

One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell.

ADRIANA.

Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

I do not know the matter: he is ‘rested on the case.

ADRIANA.

What, is he arrested? tell me at whose suit?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

I know not at whose suit he is arrested, well;

But he’s in a suit of buff which ‘rested him, that can I tell.

Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

ADRIANA.

Go fetch it, sister. This I wonder at,

[Exit LUCIANA]

Thus he unknown to me should be in debt.—

Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;

A chain, a chain: do you not hear it ring?

ADRIANA.

What, the chain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

No, no, the bell; ‘tis time that I were gone.

It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

ADRIANA.

The hours come back! that did I never hear.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

O yes. If any hour meet a sergeant, ‘a turns back for very fear.

ADRIANA.

As if time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth to season.

Nay, he’s a thief too: have you not heard men say

That Time comes stealing on by night and day?

If he be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,

Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

[Enter LUCIANA.]

ADRIANA.

Go, Dromio, there’s the money, bear it straight;

And bring thy master home immediately.—

Come, sister; I am press’d down with conceit-

Conceit my comfort and my injury.

[Exeunt.]

SCENE 3. The same.

[Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.]

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me

As if I were their well-acquainted friend;

And every one doth call me by my name.

Some tender money to me, some invite me;

Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;

Some offer me commodities to buy;

Even now a tailor call’d me in his shop,

And show’d me silks that he had bought for me,

And therewithal took measure of my body.

Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,

And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

[Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

Master, here’s the gold you sent me for.

What, have you got the picture of old Adam new apparelled?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Not that Adam that kept the paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No? Why, ‘tis a plain case: he that went like a bass-viol in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob, and ‘rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.

What! thou mean’st an officer?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Ay, sir,—the sergeant of the band: that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says ‘God give you good rest!’