GEORGE SHAW - Collected Works

RUFIO. What are you talking about?

APOLLODORUS. I will shew you. ( Calling to Britannus ) How far off is the nearest galley?

BRITANNUS. Fifty fathom.

CAESAR. No, no: they are further off than they seem in this clear air to your British eyes. Nearly quarter of a mile, Apollodorus.

APOLLODORUS. Good. Defend yourselves here until I send you a boat from that galley.

RUFIO. Have you wings, perhaps?

APOLLODORUS. Water wings, soldier. Behold!

He runs up the steps between Caesar and Britannus to the coping of the parapet; springs into the air; and plunges head foremost into the sea.

CAESAR ( like a schoolboy—wildly excited ). Bravo, bravo! ( Throwing off his cloak ) By Jupiter, I will do that too.

RUFIO ( seizing him ). You are mad. You shall not.

CAESAR. Why not? Can I not swim as well as he?

RUFIO ( frantic ). Can an old fool dive and swim like a young one? He is twenty-five and you are fifty.

CAESAR ( breaking loose from Rufio ). Old!!!

BRITANNUS ( shocked ). Rufio: you forget yourself.

CAESAR. I will race you to the galley for a week’s pay, father Rufio.

CLEOPATRA. But me! me!! me!!! What is to become of me ?

CAESAR. I will carry you on my back to the galley like a dolphin. Rufio: when you see me rise to the surface, throw her in: I will answer for her. And then in with you after her, both of you.

CLEOPATRA. No, no, NO. I shall be drowned.

BRITANNUS. Caesar: I am a man and a Briton, not a fish. I must have a boat. I cannot swim.

CLEOPATRA. Neither can I.

CAESAR ( to Britannus ). Stay here, then, alone, until I recapture the lighthouse: I will not forget you. Now, Rufio.

RUFIO. You have made up your mind to this folly?

CAESAR. The Egyptians have made it up for me. What else is there to do? And mind where you jump: I do not want to get your fourteen stone in the small of my back as I come up. ( He runs up the steps and stands on the coping. )

BRITANNUS ( anxiously ). One last word, Caesar. Do not let yourself be seen in the fashionable part of Alexandria until you have changed your clothes.

CAESAR ( calling over the sea ). Ho, Apollodorus: ( he points skyward and quotes the barcarolle )

The white upon the blue above—

APOLLODORUS ( swimming in the distance )

Is purple on the green below—

CAESAR ( exultantly ). Aha! ( He plunges into the sea. )

CLEOPATRA ( running excitedly to the steps ). Oh, let me see. He will be drowned. ( Rufio seizes her. ) Ah—ah—ah—ah! ( He pitches her screaming into the sea. Rufio and Britannus roar with laughter. )

RUFIO ( looking down after her ). He has got her. ( To Britannus ) Hold the fort, Briton. Caesar will not forget you. ( He springs off. )

BRITANNUS ( running to the steps to watch them as they swim ). All safe, Rufio?

RUFIO ( swimming ). All safe.

CAESAR ( swimming further of ). Take refuge up there by the beacon; and pile the fuel on the trap door, Britannus.

BRITANNUS ( calling in reply ). I will first do so, and then commend myself to my country’s gods. ( A sound of cheering from the sea. Britannus gives full vent to his excitement ) The boat has reached him: Hip, hip, hip, hurrah!

Cleopatra’s sousing in the east harbor of Alexandria was in October 48 B. C. In March 47 she is passing the afternoon in her boudoir in the palace, among a bevy of her ladies, listening to a slave girl who is playing the harp in the middle of the room. The harpist’s master, an old musician, with a lined face, prominent brows, white beard, moustache and eyebrows twisted and horned at the ends, and a consciously keen and pretentious expression, is squatting on the floor close to her on her right, watching her performance. Ftatateeta is in attendance near the door, in front of a group of female slaves. Except the harp player all are seated: Cleopatra in a chair opposite the door on the other side of the room; the rest on the ground. Cleopatra’s ladies are all young, the most conspicuous being Charmian and Iras, her favorites. Charmian is a hatchet faced, terra cotta colored little goblin, swift in her movements, and neatly finished at the hands and feet. Iras is a plump, goodnatured creature, rather fatuous, with a profusion of red hair, and a tendency to giggle on the slightest provocation.

CLEOPATRA. Can I——

FTATATEETA ( insolently, to the player ). Peace, thou! The Queen speaks. ( The player stops. )

CLEOPATRA ( to the old musician ). I want to learn to play the harp with my own hands. Caesar loves music. Can you teach me?

MUSICIAN. Assuredly I and no one else can teach the Queen. Have I not discovered the lost method of the ancient Egyptians, who could make a pyramid tremble by touching a bass string? All the other teachers are quacks: I have exposed them repeatedly.

CLEOPATRA. Good: you shall teach me. How long will it take?

MUSICIAN. Not very long: only four years. Your Majesty must first become proficient in the philosophy of Pythagoras.

CLEOPATRA. Has she ( indicating the slave ) become proficient in the philosophy of Pythagoras?

MUSICIAN. Oh, she is but a slave. She learns as a dog learns.

CLEOPATRA. Well, then, I will learn as a dog learns; for she plays better than you. You shall give me a lesson every day for a fortnight. ( The musician hastily scrambles to his feet and bows profoundly. ) After that, whenever I strike a false note you shall be flogged; and if I strike so many that there is not time to flog you, you shall be thrown into the Nile to feed the crocodiles. Give the girl a piece of gold; and send them away.

MUSICIAN ( much taken aback ). But true art will not be thus forced.

FTATATEETA ( pushing him out ). What is this? Answering the Queen, forsooth. Out with you.

He is pushed out by Ftatateeta, the girl following with her harp, amid the laughter of the ladies and slaves.

CLEOPATRA. Now, can any of you amuse me? Have you any stories or any news?

IRAS. Ftatateeta——

CLEOPATRA. Oh, Ftatateeta, Ftatateeta, always Ftatateeta. Some new tale to set me against her.

IRAS. No: this time Ftatateeta has been virtuous. ( All the ladies laugh—not the slaves. ) Pothinus has been trying to bribe her to let him speak with you.

CLEOPATRA ( wrathfully ). Ha! you all sell audiences with me, as if I saw whom you please, and not whom I please. I should like to know how much of her gold piece that harp girl will have to give up before she leaves the palace.

IRAS. We can easily find out that for you.

The ladies laugh.

CLEOPATRA ( frowning ). You laugh; but take care, take care. I will find out some day how to make myself served as Caesar is served.

CHARMIAN. Old hooknose! ( They laugh again. )

CLEOPATRA ( revolted ). Silence. Charmian: do not you be a silly little Egyptian fool. Do you know why I allow you all to chatter impertinently just as you please, instead of treating you as Ftatateeta would treat you if she were Queen?

CHARMIAN. Because you try to imitate Caesar in everything; and he lets everybody say what they please to him.

CLEOPATRA. No; but because I asked him one day why he did so; and he said “Let your women talk; and you will learn something from them.” What have I to learn from them? I said. “What they are ,” said he; and oh! you should have seen his eye as he said it. You would have curled up, you shallow things. ( They laugh. She turns fiercely on Iras ) At whom are you laughing—at me or at Caesar?