GEORGE SHAW - Collected Works

RUFIO. What has happened, man?

THEODOTUS ( rushing down the hall between them ). The fire has spread from your ships. The first of the seven wonders of the world perishes. The library of Alexandria is in flames.

RUFIO. Psha! ( Quite relieved, he goes up to the loggia and watches the preparations of the troops on the beach. )

CAESAR. Is that all?

THEODOTUS ( unable to believe his senses ). All! Caesar: will you go down to posterity as a barbarous soldier too ignorant to know the value of books?

CAESAR. Theodotus: I am an author myself; and I tell you it is better that the Egyptians should live their lives than dream them away with the help of books.

THEODOTUS ( kneeling, with genuine literary emotion: the passion of the pedant ). Caesar: once in ten generations of men, the world gains an immortal book.

CAESAR ( inflexible ). If it did not flatter mankind, the common executioner would burn it.

THEODOTUS. Without history, death would lay you beside your meanest soldier.

CAESAR. Death will do that in any case. I ask no better grave.

THEODOTUS. What is burning there is the memory of mankind.

CAESAR. A shameful memory. Let it burn.

THEODOTUS ( wildly ). Will you destroy the past?

CAESAR. Ay, and build the future with its ruins. ( Theodotus, in despair, strikes himself on the temples with his fists. ) But harken, Theodotus, teacher of kings: you who valued Pompey’s head no more than a shepherd values an onion, and who now kneel to me, with tears in your old eyes, to plead for a few sheepskins scrawled with errors. I cannot spare you a man or a bucket of water just now; but you shall pass freely out of the palace. Now, away with you to Achillas; and borrow his legions to put out the fire. ( He hurries him to the steps. )

POTHINUS ( significantly ). You understand, Theodotus: I remain a prisoner.

THEODOTUS. A prisoner!

CAESAR. Will you stay to talk whilst the memory of mankind is burning? ( Calling through the loggia ) Ho there! Pass Theodotus out. ( To Theodotus ) Away with you.

THEODOTUS ( to Pothinus ). I must go to save the library. ( He hurries out. )

CAESAR. Follow him to the gate, Pothinus. Bid him urge your people to kill no more of my soldiers, for your sake.

POTHINUS. My life will cost you dear if you take it, Caesar. ( He goes out after Theodotus. )

Rufio, absorbed in watching the embarkation, does not notice the departure of the two Egyptians.

RUFIO ( shouting from the loggia to the beach ). All ready, there?

A CENTURION ( from below ). All ready. We wait for Caesar.

CAESAR. Tell them Caesar is coming—the rogues! ( Calling ) Britannicus. ( This magniloquent version of his secretary’s name is one of Caesar’s jokes. In later years it would have meant, quite seriously and officially, Conqueror of Britain. )

RUFIO ( calling down ). Push off, all except the longboat. Stand by it to embark, Caesar’s guard there. ( He leaves the balcony and comes down into the hall. ) Where are those Egyptians? Is this more clemency? Have you let them go?

CAESAR ( chuckling ). I have let Theodotus go to save the library. We must respect literature, Rufio.

RUFIO ( raging ). Folly on folly’s head! I believe if you could bring back all the dead of Spain, Gaul and Thessaly to life, you would do it that we might have the trouble of fighting them over again.

CAESAR. Might not the gods destroy the world if their only thought were to be at peace next year? ( Rufio, out of all patience, turns away in anger. Caesar suddenly grips his sleeve, and adds slyly in his ear. ) Besides, my friend: every Egyptian we imprison means imprisoning two Roman soldiers to guard him. Eh?

RUFIO. Agh! I might have known there was some fox’s trick behind your fine talking. ( He gets away from Caesar with an ill-humored shrug, and goes to the balcony for another look at the preparations; finally goes out. )

CAESAR. Is Britannus asleep? I sent him for my armor an hour ago. ( Calling ) Britannicus, thou British islander. Britannicus!

Cleopatra runs in through the loggia with Caesar’s helmet and sword, snatched from Britannus, who follows her with a cuirass and greaves. They come down to Caesar, she to his left hand, Britannus to his right.

CLEOPATRA. I am going to dress you, Caesar. Sit down. ( He obeys. ) These Roman helmets are so becoming! ( She takes off his wreath. ) Oh! ( She bursts out laughing at him. )

CAESAR. What are you laughing at?

CLEOPATRA. You’re bald ( beginning with a big B, and ending with a splutter ).

CAESAR ( almost annoyed ). Cleopatra! ( He rises, for the convenience of Britannus, who puts the cuirass on him. )

CLEOPATRA. So that is why you wear the wreath—to hide it.

BRITANNUS. Peace, Egyptian: they are the bays of the conqueror. ( He buckles the cuirass. )

CLEOPATRA. Peace, thou: islander! ( To Caesar ) You should rub your head with strong spirits of sugar, Caesar. That will make it grow.

CAESAR ( with a wry face ). Cleopatra: do you like to be reminded that you are very young?

CLEOPATRA ( pouting ). No.

CAESAR ( sitting down again, and setting out his leg for Britannus, who kneels to put on his greaves ). Neither do I like to be reminded that I am—middle aged. Let me give you ten of my superfluous years. That will make you 26 and leave me only—no matter. Is it a bargain?

CLEOPATRA. Agreed. 26, mind. ( She puts the helmet on him. ) Oh! How nice! You look only about 50 in it!

BRITANNUS ( Looking up severely at Cleopatra ). You must not speak in this manner to Caesar.

CLEOPATRA. Is it true that when Caesar caught you on that island, you were painted all over blue?

BRITANNUS. Blue is the color worn by all Britons of good standing. In war we stain our bodies blue; so that though our enemies may strip us of our clothes and our lives, they cannot strip us of our respectability. ( He rises. )

CLEOPATRA ( with Caesar’s sword ). Let me hang this on. Now you look splendid. Have they made any statues of you in Rome?

CAESAR. Yes, many statues.

CLEOPATRA. You must send for one and give it to me.

RUFIO ( coming back into the loggia, more impatient than ever ). Now Caesar: have you done talking? The moment your foot is aboard there will be no holding our men back: the boats will race one another for the lighthouse.

CAESAR ( drawing his sword and trying the edge ). Is this well set to-day, Britannicus? At Pharsalia it was as blunt as a barrel-hoop.

BRITANNUS. It will split one of the Egyptian’s hairs to-day, Caesar. I have set it myself.

CLEOPATRA ( suddenly throwing her arms in terror round Caesar ). Oh, you are not really going into battle to be killed?

CAESAR. No, Cleopatra. No man goes to battle to be killed.

CLEOPATRA. But they do get killed. My sister’s husband was killed in battle. You must not go. Let him go ( pointing to Rufio. They all laugh at her ). Oh please, please don’t go. What will happen to me if you never come back?

CAESAR ( gravely ). Are you afraid?

CLEOPATRA ( shrinking ). No.

CAESAR ( with quiet authority ). Go to the balcony; and you shall see us take the Pharos. You must learn to look on battles. Go. ( She goes, downcast, and looks out from the balcony. ) That is well. Now, Rufio. March.

CLEOPATRA ( suddenly clapping her hands ). Oh, you will not be able to go!