Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

"Why, that’s absolutely amazing (совершенно поразительно) . I’ve never heard anything like this before (я никогда не слышала ничего подобного: «такое как это раньше») . How old are you? (сколько вам лет) "

"I’m twenty six (26) ," he replied.

Mrs. Herman from London was visiting some friends in Florida when she saw a little old man rocking merrily away on his front porch. He had a lovely smile on his face. She just had to go over to him.

"I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. I would love to know your secret for a long and happy life."

"I smoke four packets of cigarettes a day, drink five bottles of scotch whiskey a week, eat lots and lots of fatty food and I never, I mean never exercise."

"Why, that’s absolutely amazing. I’ve never heard anything like this before. How old are you?"

"I’m twenty six," he replied.

I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look.

I would love to know your secret for a long and happy life.

Why, that’s absolutely amazing.

I’ve never heard anything like this before.

How old are you?

Moishe is being indoctrinated (прорабатывается; ему вдалбливается доктрина) by the Russian government (Российским правительством) :

Govt. Official (правительственный служащий) : "If you had a yacht (если бы у тебя была яхта) , what would you do with it? (чтобы ты с ней сделал) "

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia (отдал бы Матери-России) ."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace (дворец; palace ['p&lIs]) , what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater (свитер) , what would you do with it?"

No reply (нет ответа) .

Government official asks the question again (снова задает: «спрашивает» этот вопрос) .

And still (все еще, по-прежнему) no reply.

Finally (наконец) he shouts (выкрикивает) : "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater (потому что у меня есть свитер) ."

Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian government:

Govt. Official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?"

Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia."

Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?"

No reply.

Government official asks the question again.

And still no reply.

Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?"

Moishe: "Because I have a sweater."

If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great (школа про$то $упер) . I am making lot$ of friend$ (я дружу $о многими: «делаю кучи дру$ей») and $tudying very hard (и учу$ь у$иленно) . With all my $tuff ($ моей нагру$кой) , I $imply can't think of anything I need (я про$то не могу думать о чем-то, в чем я нуждаю$ь) , $o if you would like (и е$ли ты хочешь) , you can ju$t $end me a card (ты можешь по$лать мне открытку) , a$ I would love to hear from you (так как я хочу получить изве$тие от тебя: «у$лышать от тебя») .

Love ($ любовью) ,

Your $on (твой $ын)

$hlomo

The Reply (ответ) :

Dear Shlomo,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy (я знаю, что астроNOмии, экоNOмики и океаNOграфии) are eNOugh to keep (довольNO, чтобы сделать: «держать, удерживать») even an hoNOr student busy (даже почетNOго студента занятым; honor — честь; honor student — особо хорошо успевающий студент, получающий известную долю независимости /в выборе того, чем ему заниматься/. При этом полагаются на его добросовестность — «честь») . Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge (NO не забудь, что погоня за знанием) is a NOble task (благородNOе дело: «задача») , and you can never study eNOugh (и ты не можешь никогда учиться достаточNO) .

Love your father,

NOach

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,

Your $on

$hlomo

The Reply:

Dear Shlomo,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love your father,

NOach

I am making lots of friends.

I am studying very hard.

You can never study enough.

A man walked (один человек пришел: «вошел») into a lawyer's office (в адвокатскую контору) and inquired (спросил, осведомился) about the lawyer's rates (о расценках, сколько берет) .

"$50.00 for three questions (за три вопроса) ," replied the lawyer (ответил адвокат) .

"Isn't that awfully steep? («разве это не ужасно дорого»; steep — высокий, крутой) " asked the man (спросил этот человек) .

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question? (а каков ваш третий вопрос) "

A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.

"$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer.

"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

Isn't that awfully steep?

A Jewish lady calls the newspaper (звонит в газету) and asks for the obituary section (отдел некрологов) .

The obit guy asks (парень из отдела некрологов спрашивает) , "What can I do for you? (что я могу сделать для вас = чем могу помочь») "

"I'd like to place an obituary (я хотела бы поместить некролог) ."

"Awright (= all right — хорошо, ладно: «все в порядке») , how would you like it to read? (как бы вы хотели, чтобы он звучал: «читался») "

"Irving Cohen died (умер) ."

"That's it? (это /все/) Irving Cohen died?"

"That's it."

"But you get four lines in the obit (но у вас четыре строчки для некролога) . It's included in the price (это включено в цену) ."

"All right. Irving Cohen died… Cadillac for sale (кадиллак на продажу = продается кадиллак) ."