Marisa Santi - Dancing To Happiness

I throw my arms around him and say: <>

Since I can no more hold the gathered stress, I burst into tears again, leaning my head against his chest. He holds me tightly: <> he tells me, with one of his wonderful encouraging smiles.

We go to get the award and perform again our choreography. We change our clothes and catch up with the others to go for a drink together.

When we arrive at the club I introduce Matthias to Oscar and he, like me and all the women who watch Matthias, remains enchanted by this charming man.

<> he whispers in my ear.

<>

<>

<> I ask pretending to reproach him.

<>

<> I confide to him smiling.

<>

<>

We look at each other and burst into laughter.

The days pass and I resumed the same routine. Thinking about it, it has already been over a month since Mathias arrived and a beautiful friendship is being born between us. Yeah, a friendship that is causing me a lot of problems with Max. We quarrel often because he does not like me to spend time with my new friend; his suffocating jealousy grows day by day. His stupid scenes are getting me tired and nervous. Soon I’m going to have a psychology exam and I’m studying hard. It’s difficult for me to focus upon it with one who bombards me with messages and calls to continuously supervise me. Let’s add to this, the exam of the dance school for the academic diploma. Sometimes I think that I have been foolhardy to have chosen both the department of psychology and the ballet school. I did it because I need both. In both cases I can be of some help to others. If I go on like this, I will be the one who needs a psychologist! I stay locked in my bedroom to study for days now. Sometimes I wonder how my father succeeds in not freaking out. He is a businessman, he follows the Financial Exchange and helps my mother with the boarding house. I must have gotten from him to involve myself with thousand tasks. Stop thinking, Isabel! It would be better that I exercise a little to release stress. I go down to the gym and start working on the new choreography for which I’m going to be examined, but each attempt ends badly: These new steps are driving me crazy! I’m going through a bad artistic period; I’m much tired and my relationship with Max is taking a turn for the worst: the one towards the decline! I decide to give it a rest with the workout and to go on the terrace to try to relax a little. I sit on the porch swing and my eyes begin to fill with tears. While I’m busy feeling sorry for myself I don’t notice Matthias’ presence and seeing him I wince.

He sits next to me and sweetly asks me: <>

I look at him astonished by his presence and his care and answer with a weak voice: <> surely I can not tell him that I also have some problems with Max because of his presence.

Suddenly I realize that while he was listening to my whining he had taken my hand and was caressing it with tenderness to console me. His touch... I have not time to think about the effect that makes me his hand on mine that, all of a sudden, he takes my face in his hand and, looking intensely into my eyes, says: <>

I do not know whether to be more upset about the emotion I’m feeling with his hands on my face or about the hindrance to the choreography.

<> I think aloud.

<>

<> I say to him, blushing.

<> he concludes, giving me two kisses on the cheeks and freeing my face from his hands.

I needed him to find determination and will to fight and it is thanks to him that I find myself again in the gym more positively charged and motivated than before. Of course, problems with Max remain, but I can not talk about them with Matthias, probably he would not take it well. However, I can not stop thinking about his hand that caressed mine; at that time I felt butterflies in my stomach... I must stop thinking about it!

While I’m focused on what I’m doing, I jerk for the sudden squeak of the door. Roberta bursts into the gym paying no attention to my puzzlement: <>

<> I ask her doubtfully.

Usually she advises before coming to visit me. I perceive a negative sensation...

<> she says without looking at me, almost as if she feared my reaction.

<> I exclaim intrigued.

<> she asks me quickly and always more intimidated in a “now or never” style.

This request is like a bolt from the blue that runs through me and I say the first thing that goes through my head. <>

<> Robbie asks me scornfully, regaining confidence in herself.

It’s certain that this day is going from bad to worse!

My blood froze in my veins, I feel like a thief caught red-handed. I rebut without ruminate too much: <> I realize that I’m trying to justify myself clutching at straws and saying the first stupid thing that can save me.

<> she asks me sarcastically, showing off a hateful malicious smile.

<>

<> she exclaims looking at me badly.

<> I say to her with a fake smile.

<>

<>

<>

<> I say, raising my hands in surrender.

<> she says, hugging me with affection. Time to say goodbye and she went away leaving me upset and thoughtful.

Returning home, Roberta meets Max and decides to talk to him about the conversation she had with her friend just a moment ago, about Isabel’s strange attitudes and about her presumed doubts. They both suppose that there’s the likelihood that Isabel is falling in love with the handsome Matthias.

It’s night but I can not sleep. Max continues to be angry with me, Robbie is all over me and asks me impossible favours, I’m tired, I have many important things on which I have to focus and they give me no respite. Don’t they realize that I’m at a delicate phase? I’m about to have a nervous breakdown! Then there is Matthias, yeah, Matthias... At this time I’d like to leave for another galaxy!

I don’t know what to do. My head is about to explode with all this thinking.

If I could I’d go on a mountain top and I’d scream with all my strength Matthias is right, I must concentrate on one thing at a time. Now the ballet school is important. Stop thinking about Max and Robbie’s bullshit! I curl up under the blanket and finally my eyelids begin to get heavy. I just want to sleep and not to think about anything and anybody.

V

Walking lightheartedly towards home, some screams draw my attention. I recognise Matthias’ voice, I look towards the direction from which the yells come and I witness an unpleasant scene. At the front door there’s him who is arguing with two men with a dodgy face. Without anyone noticing it I stop to understand what they might want from him; but when Matthias notices my presence he asks me in an aggressive way to leave them alone. This attitude caught me off guard, I have never heard him use that tone of voice before, especially with me. I say nothing and look at him in a bad way, although in reality I wanted to insult him heavily. How dare he address me in this way? What have I done to be treated thus? I’m furious but at the same time worried. Those fellows make the skin crawl. I hope he doesn’t work with such kind of people or even worse that he hangs out with them. Surely it’s not like that. I don’t see him going around with that kind of people. Who are they? What do they want from him?

My curiosity thunders, I have a strong desire to go to him and to bombard him with questions. I don’t do it not to seem nosy and above all I don’t do it for pride. He could use other manners! I stay all the afternoon in my bedroom to study and to avoid meeting him. But my concern gets the better of my intentions. After all is said and done he has always been there for me when I needed it. I arm myself with strength and courage and I go towards his bedroom. Now or never!