Marisa Santi - Dancing To Happiness

What dude! After all, he left me alone last night.

Fortunately, on the way we meet Roberta.

<> I say thanking my lucky stars to give me the chance to discuss no more with Max.

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<> Max says making what might be called a fake smile. He kisses me and says goodbye to Robbie.

<> I say returning the kiss.

When I see Max going away I breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing gets past Robbie and she looks at me inquisitively. So I tell her everything that has happened in the last hours.

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<> I say worried about the “pearls of wisdom” that are going to come out of her mouth.

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<> I ask her confuse about what she has just pointed out to me.

<> She says taking me by the arm while we walk towards the entrance of the classroom.

It’s true that in recent times I could hardly feel new emotions. In fact, the more time passed, the more my pout was getting worse. My discontent will always remain a mystery. Robbie sees me practically every day and knows me better than anyone else. I didn’t know she was so worried about my fickle attitude. Maybe I’m just a little more tired than usual. I should control myself and put a stop to the constant desire to expect too much from myself. I’m constantly in competition with the whole world, I should give me some limits. But if I want to fulfil my dreams I can not afford to give up. Sometimes I’d like to be more carefree. I have chosen the department of psychology to study the mental processes and to understand human behaviour. In the future I want to work with children and adolescents, very sensitive persons. Some of them may have behavioural problems and I’d like to combine my studies with my passion. I love the discipline that is better known as contemporary dance: performance art that expresses the movement of the body and includes more styles on the basis of classical ballet. I want to be able to impart the same emotions that I feel and I want to teach others to unite body and mind to get carried away and overwhelmed by this combination. Contemporary dance is an expression in the round, also it includes the recitation of texts. One day it would be great to have my very own school! I do not dream to take part in musicals for a lifetime or to gambol in some stupid TV show. I love dance for what it gives me. It’s poetry for me, unconditional love and it makes me feel free. I do not need audiences, the music enters into my bones and, from that moment on, my body is able to do whatever I want, even to fly.

I get lost in my thoughts and I do not notice the time that is passing, when Robbie thinks to bring me sharply back to reality <> she asks me point blank.

Understanding that she was referring to Matthias I answer: <> I pause and then I ask her: <>

<> she answers immediately, seizing the moment.

In the afternoon I was able to study a little and to spend a couple of hours in the gym, this time without embarrassing interruptions. I go to the bathroom to freshen up and to get ready for dinner. Robbie will come here in a while. I’m still in my bedroom when her message arrives on my mobile phone:

Come down, I’m at the front door.

I rush at the entrance to let her in and make her sit. Matthias has not been seen at all before dinner time, but when he makes his entrance in the dining room to join us, I notice Robbie’s look and open mouth. Maybe now she can understand too why he upset me so much. It should be illegal to be so devilishly handsome With two fingers I push upwards Robbie’s chin to make her close her mouth and I say amused: <> there’s only one thing she can do: remain silent. But she takes revenge with a little kick under the table.

<> I ask him staring into his eyes without being mesmerised by his overwhelming magnetism.

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<> I say to him pointing at her.

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Despite the initial block, Robbie becomes friendly with Matthias. She shows off her cheeky beggar and bombards him with questions. How is it possible that he doesn’t affect my timid friend as he does to me? Last night I was petrified and could hardly speak. We exchanged roles: she has become extroverted and I have become excessively shy. In the dining room there’s the background chatter typical of more open conversations. Suddenly Vanessa tells me shouting from a table not very close to ours: <>

<> Matthias asks me leaking the desire to be invited too

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<> he answers staring at me in way of making me feel uncomfortable. I look down to hide the blushing and above all to prevent Robbie from noticing it.

The evening passes pleasantly. We decide to stay at home and, as usual, we lose track of time if it wasn’t for the first symptoms of tiredness that stand out. Given the time, Roberta decides to go home.

<> she says, dragging me with her. She thanks me for the invitation to dinner and above all to make her become acquainted with Matthias.

While we are heading for her car she looks at me and says: <>

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<> I growl at her.

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I burst into a nervous laughter and say: <>

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I try to get rid of her to not continue this useless conversation.

<>

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We kisses on the cheeks. I see her moving away with her car and then I return home.

I try not to think about what she told me. I don’t want to dwell upon what my friend believes she has seen and upon her “brain movies”. It’s true that he embarrasses me much and I can not help but look at him, but it’s only because I’m attracted by his appearance. I not even know him. Why does Robbie always demoralize me in this way? Heigh-ho!

IV

The last two weeks have been devastating but the long-awaited day of the competition arrived. Oscar, my dancing partner and friend, and I waited for hours for our turn to arrive. We began with a paso doble and two pas seul. During the wait Oscar has had anxiety all the time. Finally they start with the ranking and we hear our names placed in first position. The strain and the intense sacrifices of these months have been useful!

<> Oscar exclaims, then he takes me in his arms and makes me spin like a top.

The tears begin to run down unexpectedly, probably because of the tension accumulated during this last period. Besides discovering myself shy, I have become whiner too.

Still incredulous for first place: <> I say to him happily.

In these circumstances all the tiredness gathered in days past vanishes. We are a competitive couple and the presence of our friends made us stronger. Their affection gave us a great energy. We had a great responsibility and we could not disappoint the school, our choreographers and all those who believe in us. This will be our last year together. I will miss Oscar a lot. He will go to Broadway, in America. We dance together since we were ten years old. I will never forget the time in which he became depressed because he had not the courage to face his homosexuality. He made many hearts palpitate. He is good-looking and a disarming sweetheart; nobody could imagine he wasn’t hetero. In these years many girls wanted to have him as a partner and not only for dance. After he has overcome his fear and has been accepted by his family for who he is, he succeeded in finding love too. His boyfriend has his own interests and helped him much to come out of the abyss. We have faced many adventures within the school and in life. The thought that he’s going to leave makes me nostalgic. How am I without my Oscar?