Sophie Kinsella: Shopaholic and sister

“Really?” I look at him in surprise.

“It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. The company’s successful as it is, but I want to go bigger. Wider. The Arcodas Group is a very large corporation with lots of different interests. They own property developments… sports centers… shopping malls…”

“Shopping malls?” I say, suddenly alert. “Do you get a discount?”

“If we get the account. Maybe.”

“So, does Arcodas have any shopping malls in Milan?” I say, trying to sound helpful. “Because I could go and visit one. For research.”

“They haven’t got any in Milan. They’re only over here for a retail conference.” Luke puts his briefcase down and gives me a long look.

“What?” I say.

“Becky… I know this is Milan. But please. Don’t go crazy today.”

“Go crazy?” I say, a little offended. “What do you mean?”

“I know you’re going to go shopping… ”

How does he know that? Honestly, Luke has such a nerve. How does he know I’m not going to go and see some famous statues or something?

“I’m not going to go shopping!” I say haughtily. “I simply mentioned the shopping malls to show an interest in your work.”

“I see.” Luke gives me a quizzical look, which bugs me.

“I’m actually here for the culture.” I lift my chin. “And because Milan is a city I’ve never seen.”

“Uh-huh.” Luke nods. “So you weren’t planning to visit any designer shops today?”

“Luke,” I say kindly, “I am a professional personal shopper. Do you really think I’m going to get excited by a few designer shops?”

“Frankly, yes,” says Luke.

I feel a slight swell of indignation. Didn’t we make vows to each other? Didn’t he promise to respect me and not ever doubt my word?

“You think I came here just to go shopping? Well, take this!” I reach for my bag, then take out my purse and thrust it at him.

“Becky, don’t be silly—”

“Take it! I’ll just have a simple walk around the city! I’ll go and look at the cathedral.”

“OK, then.” Luke shrugs and pockets my purse.

Damn. I didn’t think he’d actually take it.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter, because I have another credit card hidden in my bag, which Luke doesn’t know about.

“Fine,” I say, folding my arms. “Keep my money. I don’t care!”

“I’m sure you’ll survive,” says Luke. “You can always use the credit card you keep hidden in your bag.”

What?

How does he know about that? Has he been spying on me?

This has to be grounds for divorce, surely.

“Have it!” I say furiously, reaching into my bag. “Have everything! Take the shirt off my back!” I throw my credit card at him. “You may think you know me, Luke. But you don’t. All I want is to soak up a little culture, and maybe invest in the odd souvenir or local artifact.”

“Local artifact?” echoes Luke. “By ‘local artifact’ do you mean ‘Versace shoes’?”

“No!” I say, after a short pause.

Which is true.

True-ish.

I was thinking more of Míu Míu. Apparently it’s really cheap over here!

“Look, Becky, just don’t go overboard, OK?” says Luke. “We’re up to our luggage limits as it is.” He glances at our open cases. “What with the South American ritual mask and the voodoo stick… Oh, and let’s not forget the ceremonial dancing swords… ”

How many times is Luke going to give me grief about the ceremonial dancing swords? Just because they ripped his stupid shirt.

“For the millionth time, they’re presents!” I say. “We couldn’t have shipped them. We have to have them with us as we arrive, otherwise we won’t look like proper travelers!”

“That’s fine. All I’m saying is, we don’t have room for South American masks and six extra pairs of boots.”

Oh, he thinks he’s so funny.

“Luke, I’m not like that anymore, OK?” I say, a little crushingly. “I’ve grown up a little. I would have thought you might have noticed.”

“If you say so.” Luke picks up my credit card, scrutinizes it, then gives it back to me. “You’ve only got a couple of hundred pounds left on this one, anyway.”

What?

“How do you know that?” I say in outrage. “That’s my private credit card!”

“Then don’t hide the statement under the mattress. The maid in Sri Lanka found it when she was making the bed and gave it to me.” He kisses me and picks up his briefcase. “Enjoy the city!”

As the door closes I feel a tad disgruntled. Little does Luke know. Little does Luke know I was actually planning to buy him a present today. Years ago, when I first met him, Luke had this belt which he really loved, made of gorgeous Italian leather. But he left it in the bathroom one day and it got hot leg-wax on it.

Which was not entirely my fault. Like I told him, when you’re in total agony, you don’t think “What would be the most suitable implement to scrape burning wax off my shins?” You just grab the nearest thing.

Anyway. So I was planning to buy him a replacement today. A little “end of honeymoon” gift. But maybe he doesn’t deserve it if he’s going to spy on me and read my private credit card statements. I mean, what a cheek. Do I read his private letters?

Well, actually I do. Some of them are really interesting! But the point is—

Oh my God. I freeze, struck by a dreadful thought. Does that mean he saw how much I spent in Hong Kong that day he went off to see the stock exchange?

Fuck.

And he hasn’t said anything about it. OK, maybe he does deserve a present, after all.

I take a sip of cappuccino. Anyway, I’m the one laughing, not Luke. He thinks he’s so clever, but what he doesn’t know is that I’ve got a secret genius plan.

Half an hour later I arrive downstairs at reception, wearing tight black trousers (not quite capri but close enough), a striped T-shirt, and a scarf knotted round my neck, European-style. I head straight for the foreign exchange desk and beam at the woman behind it.

“Ciao!” I say brightly. “Il…”

I trail off into silence.

What was I thinking? That if I started confidently enough, with hand gestures, Italian would just pour naturally out of my mouth?

“I’d like to change some money into euros, please,” I say, switching into English. I reach into my bag and triumphantly pull out a bundle of creased-up notes. “Rupees, dirhams, ringgits…” I dump the notes on the counter and reach for some more. “Kenyan dollars…” I peer at a strange pink note I don’t recognize. “Whatever that one is…”

It is incredible how much money I was carrying around with me without even noticing! I had loads of rupees in my bath bag, and a whole bunch of Ethiopian birrs inside a paperback book. Plus there were loads of odd notes and coins floating around at the bottom of my carry-on bag.

And the point is, this is free money! This is money we already had.

I watch excitedly as the woman sorts it all into piles. “You have seventeen different currencies here,” she says at last, looking a bit dazed.

“We’ve been to lots of countries,” I explain. “So, how much is it all worth?”

As the woman starts tapping on a small computer, I feel quite excited. Maybe the exchange rates on some of these have moved in my favor. Maybe this is all worth loads!

Then I feel a bit guilty. After all, it’s Luke’s money too. Abruptly I decide that if it’s more than a hundred euros, I’ll give half back to him. That’s only fair. But that’ll still leave me with fifty! Not bad, for doing absolutely nothing!

“After commission…” The woman looks up. “Seven forty-five.”

“Seven hundred and forty-five euros?” I stare at her in joy and amazement. I had no idea I was carrying around that kind of money! God, it just shows! All those people who say, “Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves”… they’re right! Who would have thought it?