Sophie Kinsella: Shopaholic and sister

I dart a startled glance at Luke. He looks equally jolted.

No. I mean… I couldn’t…

I couldn’t be—

All of a sudden my brain is doing frantic sums. I haven’t even thought about… But the last time I… it must have been… It’s been at least…

Oh my God.

“Becky?” says Luke in a strange voice.

“Um… Luke…”

I take a deep breath, trying to keep cool.

OK. Don’t panic. Do not panic…

WEST CUMBRIA BANK

45 STERNDALE STREET

COGGENTHWAITE

CUMBRIA

Ms Jessica Bertram

12 Hill Rise

Scully

Cumbria CA19 1BD

12 June 2003

Dear Ms Bertram,

I was surprised to see today that a sum of one thousand pounds has been taken from your account.

This is most unusual activity for your account and for this reason I am contacting you to ensure that a mistake has not been made.

Yours sincerely,

Howard Shawcross

Customer Account Manager

WEST CUMBRIA BANK

45 STERNDALE STREET

COGGENTHWAITE

CUMBRIA

Ms Jessica Bertram

12 Hill Rise

Scully

Cumbria CA19 1 BD

22 June 2003

Dear Ms Bertram,

I was shocked and grieved by the tone of your last letter.

I do “have a life” as you put it.

Yours sincerely,

Howard Shawcross

Customer Account Manager

Rebecca Brandon

37 Maida Vale Mansions

Maida Vale

London NW6 0YF

Manager

Harvey Nichols

109Ð125 Knightsbridge

London SW1X 7RJ

25 June 2003

Dear Sir,

I am doing a piece of hypothetical research. I was wondering whether it is true that if you give birth in Harvey Nichols (accidentally, of course!) you are entitled to free clothes for life.

I would be very grateful if you could let me know.

Obviously, as I have mentioned, this is a completely hypothetical inquiry.

Yours sincerely,

Rebecca Brandon (née Bloomwood)

Hugest gratitude to the endlessly wise and supportive Susan Kamil, to Irwyn Applebaum, Nita Taublib, Barb Burg, Sharon Propson, Susan Corcoran, Cathy Paine, and Margo Lipschultz.

Thanks as ever to the fabulous Araminta Whitley, Celia Hayley, Kim Witherspoon, and David Forrer. A special thank-you to Joy Terekiev and Chiara Scaglioni for a wonderful welcome in Milan and some essential Italian!

Thanks to the members of the Board. To Henry, for everything. To Freddy and Hugo for suggesting I write about pirates instead (maybe next time).

And a big thank-you to my parents for taking me in off the streets so I could finish writing this…