Sophie Kinsella: Shopaholic and sister

“Mrs. Brandon!” The head craftsman, Vijay, has appeared at the entrance.

Damn. I didn’t know he’d be around.

“Sorry, Vijay!” I say quickly. “I’m in a bit of a hurry. I’ll see you later… Come on, Luke!”

“No problem!” Vijay beams and wipes his hands on his apron. “I just wanted to tell you that your table is ready.”

Shit.

Slowly Luke turns to look at me.

“Table?” he says.

“Your dining table,” says Vijay in happy tones. “And ten chairs. I show you! We display the work!” He snaps his fingers and barks some orders and suddenly, to my dismay, about eight men troop out, carrying a huge carved teak table on their shoulders.

Wow. It’s a tad bigger than I remembered.

Luke looks absolutely stunned.

“Bring the chairs!” Vijay is bossing the men. “Set it up properly!”

“Isn’t it lovely?” I say in superbright tones.

“You ordered a dining table and ten chairs… without telling me?” says Luke, goggling as the chairs arrive.

OK. I don’t have many options here.

“It’s… my wedding present to you!” I say with sudden inspiration. “It’s a surprise! Happy wedding, darling!” I plant a kiss on his cheek and smile hopefully up at him.

“Becky, you already gave me a wedding present,” says Luke, folding his arms. “And our wedding was a fairly long time ago now.”

“I’ve been… saving it up!” I lower my voice so Vijay can’t hear. “And honestly, it isn’t that expensive…”

“Becky, it’s not the money. It’s the space! This thing’s a monstrosity!”

“It’s not that big. And anyway,” I quickly add before he can reply, “we need a good table! Every marriage needs a good table.” I spread my arms widely. “After all, what is marriage about if not sitting down at the table at the end of the day and sharing all our problems? What is marriage, if not sitting together at a solid wooden table and… and eating a bowl of hearty stew?”

“Hearty stew?” echoes Luke. “Who’s going to make hearty stew?”

“We can buy it at Waitrose,” I explain.

I come round the table and look up at him earnestly. “Luke, think about it. We’ll never again be in Sri Lanka with authentic wood-carvers right in front of us. This is a unique opportunity. And I’ve had it personalized!”

I point to the panel of wood running down the side of the table. There, beautifully carved in among the flowers, are the words Luke and Rebecca, Sri Lanka, 2003.

Luke runs a hand over the table. He feels the weight of one of the chairs. I can see him relenting. Then suddenly he looks up with a slight frown.

“Becky, is there anything else you’ve bought that you haven’t told me about?”

I feel a nervous flip inside, which I disguise by pretending to examine one of the carved flowers.

“Of course not!” I say at last. “Or… you know. Maybe just the odd little souvenir along the way. Just here and there.”

“Like what?”

“I can’t remember!” I exclaim. “It’s been ten months, for goodness’ sake!” I look at the table again. “Come on, Luke, you must love it. We can have fantastic dinner parties… and it’ll be an heirloom! We can hand it down to our children—”

I break off a bit awkwardly. For a moment I can’t quite look at Luke.

A few months ago we had this huge big discussion and decided that we’d like to try for a baby. But so far nothing’s happened.

I mean, not that it’s a big deal or anything. It will happen. Of course it will.

“All right,” says Luke, his voice a little gentler. “You’ve won me over.” He gives the table a pat, then looks at his watch. “I’m going to e-mail the office, tell them about our change of plans.” He gives me a wry look. “Presumably you weren’t expecting me to burst open the door of the boardroom and yell ‘Surprise, I’m back!’?”

“Of course not!” I retort, barely missing a beat.

That is, actually, kind of what I’d pictured. Except I’d be there too, with a bottle of champagne and maybe some party poppers.

“I’m not quite that stupid,” I add witheringly.

“Good.” Luke grins at me. “Why don’t you order us some drinks and I’ll be out in a moment.”

As I sit down at a table on the shady terrace, I’m just a tad preoccupied. I’m trying to remember all the things I’ve bought and had shipped home without telling Luke.

I mean, I’m not worried or anything. It can’t be that much stuff. Can it?

Oh God. I close my eyes, trying to remember.

There were the wooden giraffes in Malawi. The ones Luke said were too big. Which is just ridiculous. They’ll look amazing! Everyone will admire them!

And there was all that gorgeous batik art in Bali. Which I did intend to tell him about… but then kind of never got round to it.

And there were the twenty Chinese silk dressing gowns.

Which… OK, I know twenty sounds like quite a lot. But they were such a bargain! Luke just didn’t seem to understand my point that if we bought twenty now, they would last us a lifetime and be a real investment. For someone who works in financial PR, he can be a bit slow off the mark sometimes.

So I snuck back to the shop and bought them anyway, and had them shipped home.

The thing is, shipping just makes everything so easy. You don’t have to lug anything about — you just point and ship: “I’d like that shipped, please. And that. And that.” And you give them your card and off it goes, and Luke never even sees it…

Maybe I should have kept a list.

Anyway, it’s fine. I’m sure it’s fine.

And, I mean, we want a few souvenirs, don’t we? What’s the point of going round the world and coming back empty-handed? Exactly.

I see Chandra walking past the terrace and give him a friendly wave.

“You did very well in class today, Becky!” he says, and comes over to the table. “And now I would like to ask you something. In two weeks’ time I am leading an advanced meditation retreat. The others are mainly monks and long-term yoga practitioners, but I feel you have the commitment to join us. Would you be interested?”

“I’d love to!” Then I pull a regretful face. “But I can’t. Luke and I are going home!”

“Home?” Chandra looks shocked. “But… you are doing so well. You are not going to abandon the path of yoga?”

“Oh no,” I say reassuringly. “Don’t worry. I’ll buy a video.”

As Chandra walks off, he looks a little shell-shocked. Which actually, isn’t surprising. He probably didn’t even realize you could get yoga videos. He certainly didn’t seem to have heard of Geri Halliwell.

A waiter appears and I order a beer for Luke, plus a mango and papaya cocktail, which in the menu is called Happy Juice. Well, that just about suits me. Here I am in the sunshine, on my honeymoon, about to have a surprise reunion with all the people I love. Everything’s perfect!

I look up to see Luke approaching the table, holding his handheld computer. Is it my imagination, or is he walking faster and looking more animated than he has for months?

“OK,” he says. “I’ve spoken to the office.”

“Is everything all right?”

“It certainly is.” He seems full of a suppressed energy. “It’s going very well. In fact, I want to set up a couple of meetings for the end of this week.”

“That was quick!” I say in astonishment.

Blimey. I’d thought it would take about a week just to get ourselves organized.

“But I know how much you’re getting out of this yoga retreat,” he adds. “So what I propose is that I go on ahead, and you join me later… and then we return to Britain together.”

“So, where are your meetings?” I say, confused.