Jilly Cooper: Prudence

‘I know you saw Maggie,’ he said. ‘I talked to her on the telephone before I came round here. I derived a certain amount of comfort from the fact that she said you were looking like death.’

‘How’s Jack?’ I asked.

‘Pretty low — but Maggie’d better pull her finger out if she wants to go back to him. He was beginning to chat up one of the better-looking Nannies who came to Lucasta’s party when I left.’

I giggled. ‘He is awful.’

‘He’s just Jack,’ said Ace.

‘D’you think Maggie will go back?’ I asked.

‘Frankly, I couldn’t care less at the moment. All I know is that Professor Copeland broke his toe on a stone hot water-bottle creeping into Rose’s bed last night, and hasn’t stopped complaining since and I am sick to death of other people’s problems. I’m far more interested in my own. Pru, look at me.’

I was almost blinded by the blaze of love in his eyes.

‘I love you,’ he said simply, ‘to total distraction. You slunk into my heart, snapping and snarling like a vixen, so I didn’t realize it was happening — but I think I really began loving you the first moment I saw you.’

‘But you were so nasty to me,’ I said in amazement. ‘I thought you thought I was awful. Did you really fancy me?’

‘Yes, to use your revolting expression, I did “fancy” you, even during the row we had after the firework party. My God,’ he added, coming towards me and taking my hands, ‘if you had any idea of the self-control I’ve had to exert, all the time you were in bed at home, and that day by the sea. I was so nervous of making a false move, I was proceeding like a batsman on 99, but I was all set to declare myself that evening. Then Jimmy Batten and Berenice arrived, and suddenly I thought you were still hooked on Pendle.’

‘I wasn’t,’ I said, ‘I was just trying to hide the fact that I was bananas about you.’

‘Jesus,’ said Ace, ‘we have wasted a lot of time.’

‘D’you want a drink?’

‘Not yet,’ he said, sitting down in the armchair and pulling me on to his knee.

‘About Berenice,’ I muttered.

Ace sighed. ‘I was certainly screwing her in New York. I was lonely — still missing Elizabeth. I’ve never been very good at playing the field. She was a big star. I suppose I was flattered, but she certainly didn’t travel to England.’

‘And there was her superior muscle tone, Ivan,’ I said, innocently.

‘Shut up’ said Ace, pulling one of my curls. ‘You can take the piss out of me after we’re married but not before.’

I went very still.

‘What about Elizabeth?’

‘I loved Lizzie; nothing can take that away.’

‘I wouldn’t want to,’ I said quickly.

‘But it doesn’t hurt anymore since I met you. That day I went to see her parents, I kept wishing you were there to cheer everything up. In the end I found myself telling them all about you, that I loved you.’

‘Oh, goodness. Were they upset?’

‘They understood. They said they’d like to meet you next time you come up.’

His hands tightened on mine. ‘I want you, Pru — for good.’

I still couldn’t take it in. I felt dizzy and had to get up and take a turn round the room.

‘But you don’t understand,’ I said in agitation. ‘I’m a belligerent scruff, and I’m scatty, and I’d shipwreck your smart dinner parties and upset all your grand friends.’

He pulled me back on to his knee, and putting his arms around me, said very gently, ‘Darling, stop gibbering. Do I have to spell it out for you? Isn’t it enough that you’re beautiful, and funny and you make me happy — and just holding you in my arms gives me the first peace I’ve had in days?’

He looked at me for a minute and then bent his head and kissed me until I thought I’d faint with excitement.

‘Don’t you think, in my turn,’he said, ‘I’m terrified that I’m ten years older than you and that I’ve got a frightful reputation for being difficult and a bully?’

‘Who said so?’ I asked furiously. ‘How dare they!’

‘You did,’ he said, examining his fingernails. ‘And it’s also a slight bother that you haven’t told me yet that you love me.’

‘Oh,’ I cried in horror, ‘Oh, darling, darling Ace, don’t you understand that I’m absolutely, deliriously bonkers out of my mind for you? It was the same with me. I think I was hooked on you from the first moment I saw you. I’ve never reacted so violently to anyone in my life. I’ve been so desperately unhappy since Berenice arrived, and even worse since I left you — and now you’re here, I can’t quite take it in. It’s just like discovering Father Christmas is real after all.’ I was crawling all over him like a kitten, and kissing him.

His hand tightened on my shoulder. His face was expressionless, but I knew he was pleased. With his other hand he held out an imaginary microphone to me.

‘Well,’ he said, putting on a toneless, carefully modulated television announcer’s voice, ‘I’m sure everyone looking in was fascinated by that lucid dissertation on love, I know I was. But I’m afraid time’s running out. In the few seconds we have left, would you mind very quickly summing up your views on marriage?’

I gave a sigh of happiness, ‘Oh, yes, I would. Oh yes, please,’ I said.

THE END