Michael Ford: Jane Vows Vengeance

Jane looked at the clock. “There’s no time,” she said.

“Yip! Yip! Yip!” Lilith let loose with a barrage of high-pitched protests.

“Fine!” Jane hissed. “But you promise—not a peep out of you the entire flight.”

“I promise,” said Lilith. “Now go get me my sausage.”

Jane stood up. “Watch her,” she said to Walter. “I’ll be right back.”

Walter, having heard none of the conversation between Jane and Lilith, nodded absentmindedly and returned to the magazine he was looking at.

Jane hurried down the hallway leading from the boarding area to the main concourse, scanning the shops for one that might sell Lilith’s requested sausage muffin. Finally, when she had almost reached the end of the corridor, she saw a familiar fast-food restaurant. Rushing up to the counter, she smiled at the bored clerk. “Two sausage muffins, please.”

The clerk shook his head. “No more breakfast,” he said.

“Please,” Jane said sweetly. “My dog—daughter—would very much like two sausage muffins. It’s her favorite item on your menu,” she added, as if brand loyalty might count for something with the sullen teenager.

“Breakfast ended ten minutes ago,” the boy said tonelessly.

Jane smiled. “Perhaps you have one or two muffins still back there,” she said.

“Like I said—” the boy began.

Jane fixed him with a stare. “Go back there and get me two sausage muffins,” she said, focusing her glamoring powers. “Now!”

As if he were being controlled by invisible strings, the boy turned and moved jerkily toward the back of the restaurant. He returned a moment later with two sausage muffins wrapped in paper. He handed them to Jane, who took them and asked, “How much will that be?”

“On the house,” the boy said, smiling stiffly. “Have a nice day.”

“Not much chance of that,” Jane muttered as she turned and ran down the hallway back to the boarding area.

When she arrived, Walter was standing in line and looking anxiously about. Lilith, in her carrier, sat at his feet.

“I just needed to get a snack,” Jane said as she knelt beside Lilith’s case and unzipped the door.

“For the dog?” said Walter.

“Yes,” Jane said as she unwrapped the sausage muffins and placed them in the carrier. “I read something the other day that said feeding dogs sausage muffins before they fly can help calm their stomachs.”

“What?” said Walter, clearly doubtful. “Where did you read that? I can’t imagine all that greasy meat is good for them.”

As Lilith began devouring the sausage muffins, Jane closed the carrier and stood up. “I don’t remember,” she answered Walter. “Shall we board?”

Walter had purchased seats in first class, and Jane was astonished at how much space they had. As the coach class passengers filed by her like cattle on the way to the abattoir, she avoided their jealous glances, occupying herself by stowing Lilith’s carrier and placing in the various pockets of her seat the things she’d brought to amuse herself during the flight. She thoughtfully waited until the last of the lesser-class passengers had gone by before slipping on the luxuriously soft slippers provided by the airline and leaning back in the equally comfortable seat.

“Did you see this?” Walter asked, pressing a button on the console between their seats and watching as a screen slid from a hiding place in the ceiling and descended until it was in front of his chair. “Individual movie screens.”

Jane pressed another of the many buttons and her seat began to gently vibrate. “Oh my,” she said as her muscles relaxed. She hit the button again and the vibrations increased.

A flight attendant who was walking down the aisle stopped beside Walter’s seat. “Hello,” he said, showing off impossibly white teeth as he smiled broadly. “I’m Trey, and I’ll be your server for this flight. We’re going to be taking off soon, so I’m afraid you’ll have to turn off all electronic devices until we’re airborne. Also, all onboard amenities will be deactivated until it’s safe to restore them to service. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

As if on command, Jane’s chair ceased vibrating and Walter’s screen slid up into the ceiling. “And I was just getting comfortable,” Jane told Walter as the plane began to move slowly away from the gate.

“I feel sick.” Lilith’s voice cut through Jane’s thoughts.

“We aren’t even in the air yet,” Jane said.

“We will be soon,” said Walter, who thought she was speaking to him.

“My stomach is gurgling,” said Lilith. “I need some air. Let me out.”

“I can’t do that,” Jane thought back, remembering to not use her voice. “You have to stay in your carrier.”

Lilith whined unhappily as the plane taxied down the runway and got into position for takeoff. Jane adjusted her seat belt and tried to relax. Although she’d been around long before airplanes were invented, she was still suspicious of them. As far as she could tell, there was absolutely no reason that something so large should be expected to remain aloft without the benefit of sorcery. She closed her eyes and reminded herself that in a matter of hours she would be back in her homeland.

“Uggghhhhhh,” Lilith groaned loudly.

“Is she all right?” asked Walter.

Jane, realizing that the little dog’s noises of discomfort were audible, opened her eyes. “She’s fine,” she assured Walter.

“I am not fine,” Lilith barked. “Now let me out of here.”

The plane lurched forward and began to pick up speed. At the same time, Lilith began to paw wildly at the door of her carrier.

“Stop that,” Jane said.

“Out!” Lilith said. “Now!”

“I can’t !” Jane said as the plane, rumbling, rose into the air.

Lilith clawed frantically, and suddenly the carrier opened. The Chihuahua bolted from it and leapt up onto Jane’s lap.

“All I needed was some air,” she said as she breathed deeply. “I think I’ll be okay—”

The airplane chose that precise second to hit an air current and drop momentarily. In response, the contents of Lilith’s stomach rose and exited her mouth, covering Jane in a viscous spatter of half-chewed sausage and bits of English muffin. Jane’s mouth opened in a soundless shriek as she contemplated the horror that had just befallen her.

“That’s better,” said Lilith as the stench of the vomit filled Jane’s nose and made her own stomach lurch. Sensing imminent danger, Lilith scrambled onto Walter’s lap and watched as Jane heaved dryly.

“Oh my,” said Walter as he grabbed a handful of napkins from his seat pocket and handed them to Jane. “I told you I didn’t think those sausage muffins were a good idea.”

Jane used the napkins to clean off the worst of the mess and deposit it into the airsickness bag handily provided by the airline. But her blouse was damp with dog upchuck, and the smell lingered in her nose. As the Fasten Seatbelt sign was still lit, she couldn’t get up to use the washroom, so she had to remain seated as the airplane continued to climb. Lilith, on the other hand, had curled herself into a tiny ball on Walter’s lap and gone to sleep. He was rubbing her ears.

“This isn’t the most auspicious way to begin our wedding trip,” Jane said as she kicked the airsickness bag away from her with her foot.

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Walter. “Getting pooped on by a bird is supposed to bring you good luck. Maybe getting puked on by a Chihuahua is even luckier.”

“Doubtful,” Jane said. “Anyway, I can’t wait to change out of this shirt.”

“Did you bring another?” asked Walter.

Jane groaned. “Yes,” she said. “Quite a few of them. But they’re all in my checked bag.”