Michael Ford: Jane Vows Vengeance

“I would never cut the tails off mice,” he said, a wounded tone to his voice. “Do you take me for a monster?”

“That’s settled, then,” Jane said, ignoring him. “I think it’s best if you stay at Ben’s house. Sarah will feel more at home there.”

Byron’s eyes lit up. “Oh, to be in such close proximity to the rabbi’s underwear drawer,” he said.

“You may add investigating the rabbi’s underwear drawer to the list of things you are forbidden to do,” said Jane. “Although I can’t blame you for wanting to.”

“Do you think he wears boxers or briefs?” Byron mused as he sipped his coffee.

“Boxers,” he and Jane said simultaneously.

With the arrangements for Sarah’s looking-after taken care of, Jane turned her attention to the matter of Flyleaf Books. Lucy was the manager, and with both of them going away the question of who to leave in command loomed large. That afternoon Jane and Lucy gathered the staff together to address the issue.

“Ted and I have been here the longest,” said Ned, one half of the Hawthorne twins. The boys had come to work for Jane at the suggestion of Byron, who had turned one of them (Jane could never remember which one) into a vampire.

“True,” Lucy said carefully. “But Shelby has been helping me do the ordering.”

Shelby Doolan was a more recent addition. She was the sister of the inept videographer who, the previous summer, had been sent to shoot behind-the-scenes footage for the eventual DVD release of Constance , the movie based on Jane’s bestselling novel. Shelby had been acting as her brother’s assistant, but in reality she had been his savior, again and again rescuing him from his own incompetence. Impressed by the girl’s abilities, Jane had offered her a position at the bookstore.

The Hawthorne twins were not quite as pleased with the addition to the staff. Although charming, educated, and handsome, they could also be a bit careless. Furthermore, Jane had yet to entirely forgive the vampire twin (she thought it was Ned, but wasn’t certain) for his part in turning one of the actresses in the film. That indiscretion had resulted in not a small amount of bother for everyone, and as the nonvampire twin had colluded in covering up his brother’s misstep, he also could not be entirely trusted.

Still, Jane was leaving the final decision to Lucy. She had long ago made Lucy the manager and now spent far less time in the store, supposedly so that she could devote her hours to writing the follow-up to Constance . This she had not yet done, though, and standing in the store, surrounded by the books of others, she was reminded of her failure. At the moment, however, she pushed this worry from her mind as she waited with the others to hear Lucy’s decision.

“Shelby will be in charge,” Lucy said.

Jane sighed with relief.

“Yes!” Shelby said, pumping her fist.

“But she will not make any changes in how things are done,” Lucy added. “ And Ted and Ned will write me a report on how she handled things.”

“Yes!” Ned and Ted said as one.

Shelby glared at them, but a smile played at the corners of her mouth.

“Good,” Lucy said. “Now get back to work. Go on. Shoo.”

When they were gone Lucy turned to Jane. “They’ll be fine.”

“Of course they will,” said Jane. “There’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like Shelby is going to bring in finger puppets of literary figures.”

“Hey, those sold really well,” Lucy reminded her. “And as I recall, the Jane Austen one was the most popular. That and Charlotte Brontë,” she added mischievously.

“I can still fire you, you know,” said Jane.

Lucy pretended not to hear her. “I have to say, this is all going remarkably smoothly,” she said. “Sarah is taken care of, the shop situation is under control, Ben has arranged for someone to take his services while we’re gone. I keep waiting for something to not work out, but so far, so good. It’s as if this is exactly how things were supposed to go in the first place.”

“There’s still time,” Jane said.

Lucy rolled her eyes. “You’re such a pessimist,” she said. “Can’t you just relax?”

“I suppose you’re right,” Jane said. “Things are going rather well. Walter got our marriage license. Ben has agreed to perform the ceremony. All I have to do is show up.”

“See?” Lucy said. “Nothing to worry about. So where is the ceremony going to take place?”

“That’s the best part,” Jane said. “Walter has arranged for us to get married in—”

At that moment the front door of the store opened and Miriam stormed in. “There you are,” she said, coming toward Jane. “I need to talk to you. We have a problem.”

On a Plane

“I don’t want to go in the bag.”

Jane closed her eyes and groaned. “For the last time, you don’t have a choice,” she said. “It’s either get in the bag or stay home.”

“Then I’ll stay home.”

“That wasn’t an actual choice,” Jane said. “You have to get in the bag.”

“Do you really think talking to her is going to work?” Walter asked, taking the seat next to Jane’s in the airport boarding area.

Jane looked at Lilith. The small brown Chihuahua was sitting in her lap. Because Lilith was missing her right front leg, she had to lean against Jane to remain upright. Neither Jane nor the dog was pleased with this arrangement.

“Oh, I think she knows what I’m saying,” Jane told Walter.

In truth, Lilith knew exactly what Jane was saying. The ability to communicate with animals, at least on a limited basis, was one of the powers Jane possessed by virtue of being a vampire. Walter reached over and scratched Lilith’s ears. “Who’s a good little girl?” he said in a high voice.

“I’m going to bite him,” Lilith announced, and Jane felt her straining forward.

“I think she’s just a little anxious,” said Jane, putting her hand across the little dog’s chest to prevent her from lunging.

As it turned out, the pressing problem Miriam had announced in the bookstore was that the airline on which she was flying (Walter had been unable to get additional seats on his and Jane’s flight) would not allow her to take Lilith in the main cabin. “They want to put her down below!” she’d wailed. “With the luggage .”

As a result, Walter and Jane had agreed to take Lilith with them. Having already put Miriam on her flight, they were now waiting to board their own. Lucy and Ben, booked onto yet a third flight because Ben wanted to use his accrued miles, were waiting at their airline’s boarding area in another part of the airport.

“Attention, passengers on flight 739 to London. We will begin boarding momentarily.” The voice coming over the loudspeaker was overly cheerful. “We remind you that all animals accompanying passengers in the main cabin must be confined to their airline-approved carriers.”

Jane picked Lilith up and, before the dog could protest with her teeth, dropped her into the zippered carrying bag in which she was to spend the next eight hours. “There you go, sweetie,” she cooed. “Now be good.”

Lilith responded by barking loudly.

“Shh,” Jane said as some of the other passengers eyed her with irritation.

“I won’t,” Lilith said. “In fact, I’ll keep it up for the entire flight if you don’t get me something good to eat.”

“Like what?” Jane said.

“I want one of those sausage muffin things,” Lilith said.

Jane groaned. “And where am I supposed to find that?” she said.

“I smelled them when we came in,” said Lilith. “One of those restaurants we passed must sell them.”