Michael Ford: Jane Vows Vengeance

Just then the seatbelt sign went off and a flight attendant announced that it was now safe to move about the cabin. Walter took the opportunity to press the call button on his console, which summoned Trey.

“How can I be of assistance?” Trey asked.

Before Walter or Jane could answer, the attendant saw Lilith and let out a little squeal of joy. “Isn’t she the cutest thing!” he exclaimed. “Technically she shouldn’t be out of her carrier, but since she’s so well behaved I don’t see why she can’t stay just where she is.”

“Thank you,” said Walter. “But you see, she’s not feeling very well and—”

“Poor baby,” Trey said, looking at Lilith and frowning. “Does she want something for her tummy? I can bring some crackers for her.”

“No, thank you,” said Walter. “It’s just that she’s thrown up.”

“On me,” Jane said as the flight attendant looked at the floor around Walter’s feet.

“Oh,” Trey said. He regarded Jane’s stained blouse with distaste. “She really got you, didn’t she?”

“She gave her sausage muffins,” said Walter.

“Why would you do that?” Trey asked, casting a suspicious glance in Jane’s direction.

“I thought it was odd too,” remarked Walter. “But she said—”

“I read it somewhere!” Jane interrupted. “Now Trey, the thing is, I want to get cleaned up. But I didn’t anticipate being thrown up on by a Chihuahua when I packed my carry-on bag, and I don’t have another blouse. I don’t suppose you have any kind of shirt I could borrow?”

Trey looked her up and down, as if taking her measurements. “Just a sec,” he said. “I might have something.”

“Remember when being a flight attendant was the most glamorous thing a girl could hope to achieve?” Jane mused after he had left. “All of those cute skirts and thigh-high boots.”

“That was back when you could smoke on planes and they didn’t charge you seven dollars for a soda,” Walter said. “But did you ever really want to be a flight attendant?”

“Not really,” said Jane. “But it did seem glamorous.”

Like magic, Trey reappeared and handed Jane a T-shirt wrapped in a plastic bag. “This is all I could find,” he told her. “It’s from a promotion we ran a few months ago.”

“Thank you,” Jane said as she stood up to head for the washroom. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

She returned five minutes later, having washed up and changed into the T-shirt. When Walter saw her his face immediately contorted into the pained expression of someone trying very hard not to laugh.

“It’s not funny,” Jane said as she looked down at the 3XL shirt that on her became something of a cross between a muumuu and a nightshirt. It was bright pink, and across the front was written in white lettering: FLY VIRGIN, LAND HAPPY.

“Oh, it’s not so bad,” Walter said as Jane took her seat. “Besides, you can change the minute we get our bags at Heathrow.”

Jane looked at Lilith, who was still sleeping peacefully. Filthy little beast , she thought maliciously.

“I heard that,” Lilith answered sleepily.

“Whatever,” Jane muttered. She rooted around in the seat pocket and pulled out a paperback novel. Opening it, she settled into her seat, pressed the button to start the massage function, and began to read.

But she couldn’t concentrate. Her mind kept straying from the story—which involved a detective attempting to solve the theft of a very large statue from the British Museum—to the matter of her impending marriage. She briefly wondered if perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to reveal to Walter that she was really Jane Austen. And a vampire. After all, he was something of a captive audience, and they would have another seven hours to discuss the situation. And does it really matter where or when I tell him? she asked herself. He’s not going to believe me anyway .

She turned her head and looked at Walter. Like Lilith, he had fallen asleep. She watched him for a few moments. I love him so much , she thought. Am I being fair to him?

This was the question she had been asking herself for months. Was it right that she should marry him when he didn’t know the truth about her? When she knew that he would age while she remained forever forty-one? Time and again she’d come to one conclusion, only to change her mind. That Miriam knew the truth only added to the problem. What if she told Walter before Jane told him herself? It was a threat that would hang constantly over Jane’s head as long as she continued to keep her secret.

Lilith opened one eye and looked at Jane. “Would you stop thinking so hard?” she said. “I’m trying to sleep.”

“Then just stop listening,” Jane told her.

“I’m trying,” said Lilith. “But you’re so loud .”

Jane sighed. “Then if you’re so smart, why don’t you tell me what I should do?” she said.

Lilith yawned. “That’s easy,” she said. “You should … zzzzzz.”

“Wake up!” Jane ordered.

But the little dog only put her single front paw over her nose and went on snoring. Jane thought about shaking her awake, but she knew what Lilith was going to say anyway. It was what Jane had known all along that she had to do. And she would. Soon , she promised herself as she closed her eyes and tried to rest. Or at least soonish .

Monday: London

“What on earth are you wearing?”

“Don’t ask,” Jane said to Miriam. She handed over Lilith’s carrying case. “Here’s your dog.”

“How was your flight, Mom?” asked Walter, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Miriam shrugged. “The plane didn’t crash,” she said. “I suppose that makes it good.”

“That’s one opinion,” Jane said under her breath. It had taken forever to get through customs and find Miriam. Now all she wanted to do was get to the hotel and take a shower. But they had to wait for Ben and Lucy’s flight to arrive.

Fortunately, they had less than an hour to wait. While Miriam took Lilith outside for a walk and a pee, Jane located a souvenir shop and purchased the least offensive T-shirt she could find, a blue one with LONDON EST. AD 43 stenciled across the front in white. She ducked into the women’s room and exited a few minutes later, having stuffed the offensive pink tent into the trash. When she returned to where Walter was waiting, Lucy and Ben’s flight had landed. Twenty minutes later the two of them emerged from customs.

“You already went shopping?” Lucy asked, looking at Jane’s shirt.

“It was either this or the Big Ben pencil case,” Jane joked as she hugged her friend. “And speaking of Big Ben,” she added, giving Ben a squeeze, “I don’t know how you put up with this girl.”

“She tells me I have no choice,” Ben joked.

Despite having known Ben for almost a year now, Jane still couldn’t quite imagine the hunky, dark-haired man as a rabbi. It was easier to imagine him chopping down a tree or wrangling a steer than reading the Torah, although she’d heard him do that and he did it beautifully. She was thrilled that he and Lucy had found each other, and hoped that one day soon the two of them would announce their engagement.

Getting themselves and all of their luggage outside was no small feat, but eventually they managed to secure two taxis and load one of them up with Walter, Miriam, Lilith, and half the bags and the other with Jane, Ben, Lucy, and the other half of the bags. As soon as the door was shut and they were on their way to the hotel, Jane grabbed Lucy’s hand.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said. “That woman is going to drive me mad.”