Jon Athan - Am I Beautiful?

“A salesman? In this rain? During a pandemic?”

“Okay, I don’t know who it is, but I know it’s not important.”

“And how do you know that? Move over, let me take a…”

Adam blocked the door with his body and refused to step aside. Amber was saddened by his sudden change in character. A minute ago, it sounded like he was actually making progress. In the blink of an eye, an everyday event—a visitor at their door—set off another bout of paranoia.

Trying to peek out the sidelights, Amber leaned to her left, then to her right. Adam mimicked her to obstruct her view. Amber stood on her tiptoes and looked back at the kitchen. She had taken the tray of food away from Riley for the moment so she wouldn’t choke or make a mess. Amber huffed at Adam, then she crossed her arms and approached a window in the living room.

Adam sighed in disappointment while Amber squinted at the porch. She watched as their mysterious visitor rang the doorbell again.

Ding-dong!

“She doesn’t look like a salesman,” Amber said.

“It doesn’t matter. We don’t know her, so we shouldn’t answer the door.”

“What is that? Like, our ‘policy’ or something? What if it’s an emergency?”

“And what if it’s not?”

They reached an impasse. They stood there and stared at each other, speechless. Only the sound of the rain tapping the windows moved through the house.

“I don’t even know you anymore,” Amber said.

“I just want you to be on my side. We don’t know this person. There’s no reason for us to open this door for her. None at all. And… And what about the virus? You want to risk getting us sick, getting Riley sick, for some stranger?”

“You don’t care about viruses or Riley or any of that.”

“Don’t talk like that, hun.”

“Don’t play with me like this, Adam!” Amber cried. Riley whined in the kitchen, eyes shiny with tears. Amber said, “If you wanna play this game, I’ll play. I’ll put on a mask and I’ll answer the door. I’ll leave the door chain on, okay? If she doesn’t come in, the virus won’t come in. Then when… when she’s gone, I’ll sanitize the door, myself, and the whole fucking porch. How does that sound?”

In a soft tone, Adam said, “Don’t do this.”

Amber grabbed a cloth face mask from a drawer on a console table near the front door. She put it on and stepped up to Adam, her face just a few inches away from his chest. She expected him to move. He did not. She reached for the doorknob. Adam sidestepped to block her.

“Get out of the way,” Amber said.

“I can’t let you do this.”

“Get out of my way, Adam.”

“It’s not safe. She’s—”

“Stop it! For Christ’s sake, stop, Adam! If you can’t tell me what you’re scared of, how can you expect me to take you seriously? You’re losing it. You’re losing your mind, baby! You need help! There’s no danger! We’re safe!”

“We’re not,” Adam whimpered.

“We are!”

“Please.”

“I’ll show you. I’ll show you once and for all that we’re fine.”

Amber reached for the door chain.

Adam pushed her away and said, “Stop.”

She lunged at the door chain again.

“Please,” Adam groaned. “Don’t make me do this.”

Amber hooked her fingers over the door chain. The chain’s jingle made Adam panic. He grabbed Amber’s wrists and pushed her away from the door. She yelped as his tight grip cut off the circulation to her hands. Then she grunted as he slammed her against the wall next to the console table. Picture frames, holding photographs of happy memories, swung on the wall behind her.

Riley’s cries grew louder, although she had already stopped watching the argument.

Eyes wide with shock, Amber stuttered, “You–You’re… a–a… monster.”

“Let me explain,” Adam said. “I’ll tell you everything as long as you don’t open that door.”

“Let me go.”

“Amber, I need you to say it. Say you won’t leave me.”

Squirming against the wall, struggling to break free, Amber said, “You let me go or I’m going to scream. I’ll scream so loud that everyone will hear it. Vince, Rhonda, Michael. They’ll call the cops and they’ll arrest you, you asshole. In front of everyone. In front of your daughter. Then who’s going to ‘protect us’ when you’re locked up? Huh?”

Adam knew Amber was right. The situation could have easily escalated. He couldn’t allow it to end in his imprisonment. As far as he knew, he was the only person standing between Miki and his family.

He said, “Please, Amber, you have to—”

“Let me go!” Amber yelled. “Get your hands off me!”

Adam staggered back, as if blown away by Amber’s bellow. Riley bounced in her highchair and started crying for her mother. Amber jerked away from Adam’s grip. She grabbed her keys from the key rack above the console table. She swung her car key at Adam like a knife. Adam raised his hands, as if he were a criminal caught by the police, and he teetered back into the living room. The key missed his palm by an inch.

“Calm down,” he said. “Don’t do this, Amber. I’m trying to protect us.”

“Sta–Stay away from me.”

“You’re making a big mistake. Let me fix this.”

Amber lifted Riley from her seat, babbled a string of incomprehensible baby talk into her ear to calm her down, and then she marched back into the living room.

Adam asked, “What are you going to do? Huh? You’re going to go out there in the rain? Drive off to… to… Where are you even going to go? Your mom’s place in Thousand Oaks? You’re driving to Thousand Oaks in this weather? Is that your plan? Answer me, Amber.”

Amber grabbed a blanket from the sofa and wrapped it around Riley. The toddler kept sobbing while wrestling with her mother. Riley could feel the tension between her warring parents. Amber slung a diaper bag over her shoulder. As she turned to leave, she found Adam standing in her way.

Adam said, “Please, Amber, give me a chance to explain myself. I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

“You don’t understand, do you? I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about the ‘bad things’ you’ve done. I don’t need an explanation. You put your hands on me. You hurt me and you’re a danger to my daughter.”

“I would never hurt Riley. And I wasn’t trying to hurt you, either. I’m trying to protect us.”

“You… You’re trying to protect us from some imaginary monster outside. I’m trying to protect us—myself and Riley—from the monster in here. And that’s you, Adam. We can’t stay here with you. We’re leaving. If you try to stop us, I’ll scream. And if you hurt Riley, I’ll… I’ll kill you.”

Adam had never seen such ferocity in Amber. Her maternal instinct took control. She believed she was in a fight-or-die situation, and she was willing to do anything to protect Riley.

A mother’s wrath was not to be underestimated.

Teeth chattering, Adam stuttered, “Whe–When I was in Japa—”

“Get out of the way, you bastard!” Amber cried as she pushed past him.

Adam pulled on her diaper bag and yelled, “Please stop!”

“Don’t touch me!” Amber screamed, twisting her body left and right to try to escape his grip. “ Don’t touch me! ”

“Amber, please don’t…”

Adam released the bag upon noticing the tears and fear on Riley’s face. He was doing more than just scaring her. He was scarring the girl. He stepped back and allowed his wife to stumble away. Hands shaking, Amber unlocked the front door while constantly looking back at him, as if she were being chased by a serial killer in a horror movie.