Jon Athan - Am I Beautiful?

Adam had already said too much. In a panic, he had inadvertently unveiled part of the truth. The angel on his shoulder told him to tell her about his affair while the devil on his other shoulder advised him to stay quiet. He just nodded at her.

“Why?” Amber asked, her voice shaking as if her entire body were trembling violently. “Why would a serial killer—a killer that’s only supposed to be targeting lonely children out there—be prowling outside of our home? And why’d you say ‘she?’ The cops haven’t identified the killer yet, have they? What do you know? What did you find?”

Adam said, “I’m just trying to protect my family.”

“From who?”

“There’s a maniac out there, Amber.”

“So, you do think that serial killer’s coming after us… but why?”

Adam took in a deep breath, then he said, “You just have to trust me.”

Tears dripping down her cheeks, Amber said, “Adam, you’re… you’re changing. You’re paranoid. You have to stop this. You can’t let this quarantine mess with your head like this.”

“You think I’m crazy?”

“I think you’re stressed and tired and… and scared and confused.”

Adam chuckled, his own tears now flowing down his cheeks. He said, “So you think I’m crazy.”

Anxiety often triggered psychosis. Amber didn’t want to call him ‘crazy,’ that would have been disrespectful and tasteless, but she believed he was losing touch with reality. People changed as they aged, but Amber felt like she was watching her husband transform into an entirely different person. Everyone in the living room was crying—Amber, Adam, Riley.

Adam said, “I’m going out.” Amber sprawled herself against the door, arms outstretched to each side. Adam said, “I need to go. Just lock the door until I come back.”

“And where are you going to go? What do you think you’re going to do?”

“I’m going to protect us.”

“No, you tell me exactly where you’re going to go or you’re not going anywhere.”

“I’m going to buy a fucking gun, Amber.”

Amber’s joyless laughter echoed through the house. She swiped at the tears on her cheeks and mucus on her lips with the back of her hands while shaking her head.

She said, “You’re not buying a gun.”

“It’s for our own good.”

“We’re not buying a gun. If you want to buy a gun, you’re going to have to convince me. You have to tell me the truth. Why are you so scared of that serial killer?”

‘ Because I created her .’ Adam gritted his teeth to stop himself from uttering those words.

He responded, “You don’t want me to buy a gun? Fine. It would take too long to get one anyway. At least let me go buy a home security system.”

“We already have one.”

“Not an alarm in case someone breaks a window or kicks open a door. I’m talking like a… a surveillance system. We need cameras.”

“We don’t have the money for that. I mean, you’ve been saying it for weeks. In a couple months, we might not even have the money to pay for this house. And you’re thinking about doing that now? During a pandemic? You can get sick, Adam. You could get us all sick. Think about your daughter. Please, Adam, just stay here and relax. Get out of your office and get your mind off this. I’m begging you.”

For the first time in weeks, Adam wasn’t worried about money. He was willing to destroy his credit to save their lives. He looked at Riley and felt her pain. He was disappointed in himself. He wanted to protect her, but he couldn’t do it by jeopardizing her safety. He was engaged in a two-front war—a vengeful woman on one side and a deadly virus on the other.

He said, “If you don’t want me to go out there, you lock that door behind you and you keep it locked. You keep every door and every window locked from now on. You don’t even go out to the backyard, okay?”

Without looking back, Amber reached for the doorknob. She turned the lock above it.

Adam said, “And the chain.”

Amber reached over her shoulder and blindly secured the door chain.

“Thank you,” Adam said as he walked away.

Amber asked, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to order some surveillance cameras.”

“Adam, what about our savings? We don’t have the money for that. Adam, talk to me.”

Adam turned the corner into the hallway and headed to his office, disregarding his wife’s concerns. He was determined to protect his family by any means necessary. Amber wiped her tears, forced a smile onto her face, and then hurried to Riley’s side to soothe her. She was terrified, her whole world was turned upside down, but she refused to share her fear with Riley.

“I’m sorry about the delay, sir, but mail carriers are experiencing intermittent delays due to the ongoing pandemic,” the customer service representative said over the phone.

“I don’t care,” Adam snapped, pacing back and forth in his office. “I paid for expedited shipping. My order should have been delivered by now.”

“I understand that, sir, but it’s out of our hands at the moment. There’s also a notification on the website concerning this issue.”

“I. Don’t. Care . I paid for expedited shipping because of that notification. My order was supposed to be delivered overnight . It should have been here on the seventh and now it’s the ninth. What are you going to do to fix this?”

Adam could hear two hushed voices on the line.

The customer service rep said, “Sir, we can’t expedite your delivery at the moment.”

“Goddammit,” Adam muttered.

The customer service rep continued, “Mail carriers are prioritizing essential deliveries. If you’d like, we can refund your shipping cost. You can also refuse the delivery and have it sent back to us. Afterward, we’d be happy to process your full refund.”

“Essential deliveries? My family’s safety is essential!”

“I understand that, sir, but—”

“No, you don’t understand a thing.”

“Sir, I’m just trying to—”

“You’re just trying to endanger my family, huh? Is that it? You’re a selfish bitch, you know that? You should be—”

Amber yanked the phone out of his hand. She held it up to her ear and said, “I’m so sorry.” The customer service rep was still trying to calm Adam down when Amber ended the call. Amber said, “You promised you weren’t going to act like this anymore.”

Adam sighed, then he said, “I’m sorry. I lost my cool, you’re right, but… I paid to get those cameras delivered as soon as possible. We need them, Amber.”

“Calm down. I don’t want you to upset Riley again.”

Adam pulled his lips into his mouth and nodded.

Amber said, “Listen, you haven’t heard anyone outside recently. We haven’t unlocked—we haven’t even touched —any doors or windows in days. There hasn’t been any news about that serial killer. And I’ve called our neighbors every day. No one has seen anything suspicious. We’re fine, Adam. Okay? Can you say it?”

“We… We’re fine,” Adam said reluctantly.

“We’re fine,” Amber repeated while holding her husband’s hands. “Dinner’s almost ready. Will you join us tonight? I’m sure Riley would really love to spend time with you. She… She misses you, you know? She really does.”

“I’ll… Um… I’ll be there in a minute. Can I… I just have to check the windows and doors one last time. Okay?”

“You don’t have to do that. They’re locked already. I promise.”