Лиза Макманн - Fade

And then she thinks for a moment. “Did you suspect this? Did Miss

Stubin tell you any of this?”

“I knew something was bothering you after you called me a few weeks ago, but I didn’t know what. Miss Stubin was a very private person, Janie. She didn’t speak much about herself, and I didn’t ask. It wasn’t my place.”

“Do you think Cabel knows?”

“Have you thought about asking him?”

Janie glances up to read her face. Bites her quivering lip to still it.

“We’re not exactly on speaking terms right now.”

Captain sighs. “I gathered that.” Carefully she says, “Cabel has his own demons, and if he doesn’t get on with killing them soon, I’m going to kick his ass. He’s having trouble dealing with some things right now.”

Janie shakes her head. “I don’t understand.”

Captain is silent. “Maybe you should ask him. Tell him what you’re going through too.”

“Why? So that when I tell him I’m going to be a blind cripple, he’ll never want to come near me again?”

Captain smiles ruefully. “I can’t predict the future, Janie. But I doubt a few physical ailments would turn him off, if you know what I mean.

But nobody says you have to tell him, either.” She pauses. “You look like you could use some breakfast. Let’s go for a ride, Janie,” she says.

Janie looks down at herself, rumpled in her clothes from yesterday.

“Sure, why not,” she says. She takes a few minutes to brush through her hair, and she looks in the mirror. Looks at her eyes.

Captain takes Janie to Ann Arbor. They stop for breakfast at Angelo’s, where Captain apparently knows everybody in the place, including

Victor, the short-order cook. Victor himself delivers a feast to their table. Janie, not having eaten since lunch the day before, wolfs down the meal gratefully.

After breakfast, Captain drives around the campus of the University of

Michigan. “Some of the finest research and medical facilities are here, Janie. Maybe there’s something…” Captain shrugs. “Keep in mind, Martha Stubin lost her eyesight fifty years ago. A lot has changed in the medical world since then. Don’t doom yourself before you know what doctors can do now. And not just your eyes—your hands too.

And, perhaps, your dreams. See that building?” Captain points. “That’s the sleep study. Perhaps something can be arranged to accommodate you properly sometime. I have a couple friends on campus I trust. They knew about Martha. They’ll help us.”

Janie looks around at everything. Feels a tiny surge of hope. She and

Cabel had planned to come out here a few times over the upcoming summer, once they could be seen together. Now Janie doesn’t know what to think. Maybe Cabel would be back.

And maybe he would be scared away again.

Janie doesn’t know how many more breakups and fixes she can handle in their relationship. “Why does everything have to be so hard?” she asks out loud. And then she blushes. “Rhetorical question. Sorry, Captain.”

Captain smiles. “What made you read it, finally?”

Janie swallows hard. “Now that Cabel won’t come near me, I figured I didn’t have much else to lose. Joke’s on me, huh.”

Captain purses her lips as she drives and mutters something under her breath. “Okay,” she says, “and how do you feel about being a dream catcher now?”

Janie thinks. “I guess I don’t know any different.”

Captain gets a curious look on her face. “How does your mother play into this picture?”

“She doesn’t.”

“And your father…?”

“Doesn’t exist, as far as I know.”

“I see.” Captain pauses. “Are you sorry you read it?”

Janie is quiet for a moment. “No, sir.”

They sit in silence, and then Captain points out a few more buildings on the U of M campus. “Do you want to quit your job with me, Janie?

Isolate yourself?”

Janie looks at Captain. “Do you want me to quit?”

“Of course not. You’re brilliant at it.”

“I’d like to stay on if you have more assignments for me, sir.”

Captain smiles, and then she turns serious again. “Do you think you can still work with Cabel, even if you don’t resume your romantic relationship with him?”

Janie sighs. “If he can handle it without being an ass, I can.” And then her voice catches. “I just…” She shakes her head and collects her wits, not wanting to cry.

Captain glares through the windshield. Bites her lip. Shakes her head.

“I swear to god I’m going to smack that boy,” she mutters. “Listen, Janie. Cabel doesn’t have much—he has a mother who abandoned him, a father who nearly killed him…And now, when he’s with you, he desperately wants to keep you safe in his pocket all the time. But he knows he can’t. He’s got to learn how to handle that.”

Janie takes this in. “But, Captain, he couldn’t even bear to touch me after the Durbin bust.” She starts crying. “It’s like he was so disgusted that they had touched me or something….” She reaches for a tissue from between the car seats.

“Jesus Christ,” Captain says. “Janie, listen to me. You’re a good detective already. You know that in our work, we have hunches and we seek out the answers. You do this so well in your work. Why don’t you follow that same line of logic in your personal life? You’ll need to talk to Cabel if you want answers. Endless speculation only leads to dead ends.”

Janie closes her eyes. Rests her head on the headrest. “I’m sorry, Captain. You’re right. I swear I won’t let this mess affect my work.

Working for you is the best thing in my life. I feel like I can actually make a difference, you know?”

Captain gives Janie’s arm a quick squeeze. “I know, kiddo. And I’ve got big plans for you, if you’re game.”

“Captain?”

“Yes.”

“How am I going to get anywhere if I’m not supposed to drive?”

Captain sighs. “I haven’t figured that one out yet.”

“Did you know Miss Stubin had a car crash because of a dream? She killed three innocent people.”

Captain slows the car and glances at Janie. “I knew from her background check that she was in a terrible car accident once. I didn’t know it happened because of a dream.” Captain pauses. “She was sixteen when it happened.”

Janie sits in stunned silence.

Captain continues. “She was convicted of vehicular manslaughter, Janie. She lost her license and did three years in a women’s correctional facility. It would have been more if she hadn’t been a minor at the time. This is serious stuff.”

Janie’s stomach churns. “I almost hit some school kids yesterday,” she says softly. “Some little kid on the bus was dreaming.”

Captain shakes her head resolutely. “Well. That settles it. If I catch you driving again, Janie, I’ll write you a ticket myself, I swear to god.

Meanwhile, if I need you somewhere, I’ll drive you or send a car. I don’t want you wasting dreams on some damn city bus.”

Janie feels like she just got put in a cage. “What about school?” she asks. “I’ll have to take the school bus. What am I going to tell people?

Cabel will figure it out. This is such shit.”

Captain gives her a hard look. “You know what shit is? Killing three innocent people. Think your life is bad now, try living with that.” Her voice is harsh.

Janie’s quiet.

They head back to Fieldridge.

When Captain’s cell phone rings, she glances at it and answers.

“Komisky.” She pauses. “Yes, I’ve got her.” Another pause. “Yes, she’s just fine.” She nods, glances sidelong at Janie with a grim smile, and then hangs up the phone.

“Juuust fine,” Captain repeats, her lips pressed tightly together in a thin line.