Hugh Cook - The Walrus and the Warwolf

'No,' said Muck, with a laugh. 'You were but a cook's boy. Peeling cockroaches and hashing up rats, that was about your limit. Why, Yot told of how you'd done the world's worst cookery in the Penvash channel. Rats and cockroaches, yes!''So I was the cook?'

'No, no, the cook's boy. You were never destined to go far in the world.'

'Did Yot tell you how I came by these rats and cockroaches he talked of?'

'Why, yes. He said you told him you'd meant them as a sacrifice for Hagon.''What is this Hagon?' said Drake.

And the Court heard from Muck the tale of how Drake had devotedly worshipped the Demon Hagon for years. Then Drake changed tack to bring him back on course for Runcorn:

'So the Court now knows about Hagon, aye, and about this fellow Yot. Who knew me, as you say. Yot came to Runcorn with you. What then?'

'We reached Runcorn. I was tired, therefore took to my bed at the inn. Yot went about the city, with the energy of the young. He saw you in the temple of the place. You and a woman, Zanya, whom he knew. I knew her too, for she had been my convert formerly. So Yot went privily to Zanya, and brought her to me.''And she spoke with you?''Yes. She told how you went by the name of Arabin lol

Arabin. For she knew you not as Drake Douay. Only Yot knew you as that.''And where is this Yot? In Selzirk?'

'No. He returned to Stokos, to manage my temple's affairs. He's high priest now.'

'An interesting story,' said Drake, smirking. 'You speak of a woman who knew a man called Arabin lol Arabin. Another man knows of no Arabin, but knows of a Drake Douay. He takes the girl to you, and by this means you identify this Arabin as Drake. At a distance, sight unseen. Is this black magic, or what?'

'I saw you with my own eyes,' said Muck. 'The very next day. It was in the square in front of City Hall in Runcorn.''What was I doing?''Standing on a balcony.'

'What? Admiring sunsets and singing them to sleep with fancy poetry?'

'No, for it was not evening but bright day. Besides, you have no poetry. You were shouting. At a mob.'

'A mob, was it? And was I shouting at them to burn the city, aye, and plunder it? Or was I seeking order?'

'You were seeking your life, for they were out to kill you. They'd recognized the evil of your religion.''So what did I say to them? Did I beg for mercy?''No. You promised them war.'

'War? The kind of war that Elkor Alish made? An attack on Androlmarphos? An invasion of Selzirk?'

'No,' said Muck, 'for you lack the imagination for such. Your war was to be against the ragged bands which roam the Lezconcarnau Plains.''So did I speak of Selzirk in my plans for war?''No.''Are you sure?'

'You . . . why, yes, you spoke of selling slaves to Selzirk. And, shortly after, you cried out to thousands that you were Arabin lol Arabin. Then the crowd ran riot.''Then what happened?'T saw you not, for I was fighting for my own life.' 'So when did you see me next?'

'About a season later. I was preaching in Selzirk when you turned up and shouted at me.''What did I shout? Of religion? Or of a woman?''Of a woman.''What woman was this?'

'Zanya Kliedervaust, a pilgrim from the Ebrells.' 'The same woman who had been in Runcorn?' 'Yes,' said Muck. 'The one that I have spoken of in my testimony.''What means she to you?''She is the guardian of my purity.''Your whore?' said Drake.

'I am a holy man!' said Muck, his voice rising in outrage. 'How can the Court let this – this criminal accuse me of whoring?'

'The defence,' said Judge Syrphus, easily, 'has a very free hand in the courts of Selzirk. As does indeed the prosecution. We think our justice no worse for it. Do you beg to differ?'

'My lord,' said Gouda Muck, 'I, as a stranger, would scarce set out to reform the courts of Selzirk.'

'Then answer the question!' said Drake. 'What was Zanya to you?'

'The guardian of my purity,' said Gouda Muck. 'As I've said already.'

Drake had thought to defend himself by showing Muck as a sexual rival. He had failed – for the moment. He tried another tack: to show Muck up as a madman.'And why must you have such a guardian?' asked Drake.'To preserve my holiness.''And why are you holy?''Because I am the flesh of the Flame.'

'You mean you live in fire, like one of these salamanders we sometimes hear of? Or that the skin beneath your robes is red, like that of the people of Ebrell? Or what?''I mean that I am the High God of All Gods.'

'You mean,' said Drake, 'a priest, surely. Surely the word meant was priest, not god.'

'No,' said Muck. T am a god! Not any god, but the High God of All Gods!''Have you always known this?' said Drake.'No.'

'Then how did you first come to know yourself as a god?''Why, the Flame told me.''Describe this Flame,' said Drake.

'It was purple,' said Muck. 'It leaped out of the furnace. It yelled at me.'

At this, there was tittering in the Court. But Drake kept a straight face.

'There seems to be confusion of identity,' said Drake. 'You have told us you are the Flame. Now you tell us the Flame lives in the furnace, and speaks to you. Which is which?'

'This takes us into the realms of higher theology,' said Muck. 'You would not understand.'

'I am but an ignorant runaway apprentice,' said Drake. 'A poor fool, who knows not the letter Ac0wae from any other. But the evidence is for the Court, not me. Do you say the Court would not understand?'T say nothing of the kind,' said Muck.

And Drake drew him into a long discourse on theology, which the Court indulged because it was tolerably amusing, and because the law of Selzirk placed few limits on the range of a cross-examination.

'So you know of religion through revelation,' said Drake. 'Now we have heard a document of sorts, a document called, if I remember right, The Book of Witness. Is this a record you have somehow conjured up out of the air, by means of revelation?'

'No,' said Muck, swiftly, thinking he saw what Drake was attempting to do. 'This is a true, correct and complete account of your doings in Runcorn.''Who says it?''The man I bought it off.''When and where?'

'In Runcorn itself, the morning of that riot which I have already spoken of.'

'You bought this, then, in the heat of a riot? Snatched it from his hand and tossed him a few coppers?'

'Not at all! We met at dawn, and talked until the sun was well up in the sky. His name was Aard Lox. He was a scribe who had, for reasons unknown to me, much faith in you. He offered this copy of his work for sale, meaning to enlighten me. He talked at length, with great sincerity, convincing me that everything he'd written was true.'

'So the proof of the truth of this record, then,' said Drake, 'rests on the word of this man. You believed him, or so you say. Why?'

'Because he was honest, and I am a judge of honesty – which you are not, having none yourself. And because he was so exact in all the particulars he recounted.'

'Ah,' said Drake, 'but surely the voices of others would help convince the Court. Could we not have this Yot come back from Stokos to evidence to some few claims you've made? Surely he has no pressing duties there? After all, the religion of Stokos is the worship of the demon Hagon. So how can the high priest of the Flame have matters of importance there?'

'Because Hagon has been overthrown, as you know very well,' said Drake.

T am but an ignorant apprentice,' said Drake. 'I know nothing. Tell the Court how Hagon came to be overthrown.'

And Muck told.

Willingly.

'Now,' said Drake, 'some words I heard in The Book of Witness which I'm not sure I heard aright. Would you read them out, please, you having scholarship which I lack. Read them, and tell the Court if it's all to rights with the document. It's Vision the fifth, verses twelve through fourteen.'

Muck read the verses, and testified that they were part of the true and correct record given to him by Aard Lox. 'Thank you,' said Drake. 'You may sit.'