Hugh Cook - The Walrus and the Warwolf

Career: priestess of Orgy God of the Ebrells; convert to Goudanism; missionary to Parengarenga; martyr in Dalar ken Halvar; survivor in Penvash; Drake's woman in Runcorn; Gouda Muck's mistress in Selzirk.

'In the witness stand is Zanya Kliedervaust, formerly of the Ebrell Islands,' said the prosecutor. 'She will shortly give testimony which will doom the evil Drake Douay to a living death in the deepest, darkest, filthiest rat-infested dungeon we can find for him.

'But before we hear her testimony, let me untangle the web woven by Drake Douay for public display. He has posed as a poor, meek, ignorant apprentice. But his own performance proves him shrewd, quick-witted, dangerously intelligent and amazingly cunning in cross-examination.

'This man could very well have been Arabin lol Arabin, behaving as described in The Book of Witness. There's nothing meek, mild or safe or law-abiding about him. Plainly, he's copied the style of an excellent lawyer. I put it to the Court that the lawyer in question was, in all

probability, the Garimanthea mentioned in The Book of Witness.

'The accused tries to dismiss that document because it says he read a single word from a certain Record. Now, four or five years ago, he may not have known the letter Ac0wa; from any other. But he's had time since to learn to read and write half a dozen different languages, if he chose.''Time, yes,' interjected Drake. 'But no opportunity.'

'Opportunity, surely,' said the prosecutor, 'to learn how to read one simple word like "No." In any case, The Book of Witness does not say Arabin lol Arabin read from the Record, only that he called attention to its contents. If the accused is indeed illiterate, then his lawyer could have told him what lay in the Record for him to call attention to.

'The accused would also have us believe he cried "I am Arabin lol Arabin" when he meant to say something entirely different. Judge his perfomance today! Not one slip, pause, stammer or stutter. Not a single word out of place. This speaks of an accomplished orator – or an accomplished liar. Or of both.

'The accused has a highly trained mind. As Gouda Muck told us, the accused studied on Stokos, sharpening his wits by learning theory of all description by heart. How can we believe he'd let his tongue trip upside down when it came to saying a few simple words to a crowd? He speaks well – and the very eloquence which defends him condemns him.

'He said to the crowd that he was Arabin lol Arabin. Doubtless that was what he meant. So much for his rhetoric! Now to our witness. You are Zanya Kliedervaust, born on the Ebrells?''Iam,' she said.'What did you there?''I was priestess of the Orgy God.''What did that involve?''Being used by men in the way of lust.''And did you like that?'

'No. How could I? For they treated me as meat. What way is that to treat a woman? They were rough. They used cruel language. They bruised me. They did things which I would not like to speak of in Court, or out of it either.'

'Then we'll not ask you about such,' said the Prosecutor. 'Now. You first met Gouda Muck when?'

'When I travelled to Stokos, having left the Ebrells, for I was sick of the life there, which had killed out my family entire. Always drinking, fighting, feuding, gambling-'

'Yes, yes. But Muck. What reception did he give you, on Stokos?''Oh, it was wonderful,' said Zanya.

She described her conversion to Goudanism. She revelled in her memories of those glorious days. Muck had taught her a woman could be pure. Which meant being free from that horrible business of being bruised, used, rucked, fisted, slathered and taken – again and again and again. Then abandoned.

'So you converted to a religion of purity,' said the prosecutor. 'What then?'

T went to the world as a missionary. In time, I was martyred in the arena at Dalar ken Halvar. And there . . . as Drake said, he saved me.'

'At that time, did he strike you as meek, mild, pious and law-abiding?'

'Why, no,' said Zanya. 'He came like a hero. He killed monsters right and left. Then said words to me, marvellous words, which thrilled my blood. I can't remember what they were, but they were . . . yes, wonderful. Then we were whirled away by magic to the forests of Penvash.''What magic is this?' inquired Judge Syrphus.

Confused explanations followed, which did not entirely satisfy the Court. But there was no helping the lack of satisfaction, so the subject was dropped.

'And in Penvash,' said the prosecutor, 'did Drake treat you with purity?'

'Why,' said Zanya, 'he lay with me to keep me warm. But that was as far as it went.''By warmth,' said the prosecutor, thinking this was no time for euphemisms, 'I suppose you mean the vile, filthy, unholy ways of lust.'

'Well, no,' said Zanya, 'I mean it was cold, so two bodies were warmer than one.''Oh,' said the prosecutor, momentarily nonplussed.

The prosecutor, looking through his notes, started to wish his pretrial interview with this witness had not been so cursory.

'Are you sure,' said the prosecutor, 'that you're telling the truth? I mean – you were alone in the forest with this man. Wouldn't it be natural for him to force you? He was a pirate, after all. Could you have forgotten?'

'Perhaps you're in the habit of forgetting a rape,' said Zanya, 'but I'm not so casual about it.'

Laughter rocked the court. The prosecutor, flustered, dropped his notes. The judge called for order. And Zanya cast her mind back to those days in Penvash. Drake had not taken her then. No, not until they reached the southern border of Estar. And then … as he said, the hunger was mutual.

In Runcorn, when Yot had explained that Drake was in fact the dreaded son of the demon Hagon, the incarnation of all evil, the shock had initially unbalanced her. By then, too, she had had genuine grievances against Drake – for, while in Runcorn, he had become so deeply involved with the business of government that he had grown hard, curt and brusque, using her in ways which seemed rushed and loveless.But. . . was he the son of a demon? Hardly. And . . .

'Are you sure,' said the prosecutor, 'that you have given us a correct account of events in Penvash? Are you frightened of this man Drake? Do you want him removed from the Court while you give evidence?'

'No,' said Zanya. 'No, it's quite all right. He never . . . he never did anything to frighten me. He talked of… of love, yes. That was in Penvash. Much later, when he took me he was … he cared. He knew things no other man had known – or, if they knew, they never cared to do it. Likerunning tongue from inner thigh to the lips of my-' 'That's enough!' said the prosecutor, sharply. 'Are youtrying to scandalize the Court?' 'What do you want me to say?'

'The truth! But not – nothing about sexual intimacies. That's – that's impure. Your master Gouda Muck would have told you as much.'

'Why, no,' said Zanya. 'Quite the reverse. For, as guardian of his purity, I have to serve him in the ways of flesh. But that's pure, you know, when it's done with someone holy. He likes to be licked in the-''Silence!' roared the prosecutor.

'Really,' said Judge Syrphus, 'there is no need for the prosecutor to bellow as if we were in the midst of a thunder storm. Go on, girl, tell us what Muck likes to have licked.'Zanya told.'Really?' said Judge Syrphus. 'How often? And when?'

And Judge Syrphus led the examination for some considerable time thereafter, discovering the intimacies of the private life of Gouda Muck.

'So,' said Judge Syrphus, when he knew all, 'it was pure and holy for Gouda Muck to use you in carnal ways, since he was a preacher who cared mostly for the religion he espoused, rather than for you yourself. On the other hand, Drake Douay loved you – or so I understand from what he earlier told the Court – therefore his lust for you was wrong. That sounds very strange to me.''Yes,' said Zanya, slowly, 'very strange.'