Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Good luck be thine, my friend. Thou shalt need it.

Thus endeth my report. Now General
Madine, thine efforts for our mission wilt
Thou presently recap?

—We’ve stolen an
Imperi’l shuttle, which, disguisèd as
A cargo ship, shall use a secret code
To land upon the moon. Thereon a team
Shall fearlessly deactivate the shield.

A dangerous experience, no doubt.

[ to Han: ] And who, I wonder, has agreed to it?
For such a mission may quite futile prove.

Nay, be thou not afraid. A man of wit,
Of clever mind and fine exterior
They must have chosen, whom thou shalt approve.

Good Gen’ral Solo, is thy team prepar’d?

[ aside: ] A man of wit! He ne’er doth cease t’amaze.

My team is ready, yet I do not have
A crew who shall the shuttle’s flight command.

Auugh!

—It shall not be easy, friend, thus I
Had not yet volunteer’d thy worthy name.

Egh!

—Well! Now have I one!

—And count me two.
Good General, I gladly follow thee.
Wherever thou dost go, then so shall I,
Wherever thou remain, thus I shall too,
Thy people shall my people be as well,
And all thy battles shall my battles be.

Why have but two when three is company?
I shall go with thee also, noble friend.
[ Aside: ] My sister! Ah! To see her fills my heart!

What is’t?

—Ask yet again, another time.

Ho, Luke!

—Good Han, and Chewie!

—Beep, meep, squeak!

“Exciting” would not be my word of choice,
’Tis more like “harrowing,” if I were ask’d.

Now preparation’s made, good Lando, yet
A word with thee ere thou depart, my friend:
With heart sincere I proffer this to thee:
Take thou my ship, the brave Millenn’um Falcon .
Thou shalt be greatly aided in thy task
If thou wilt take the fastest ship that e’er
Did fly within our galaxy. Thou dost
Have more experience with this swift ship
Than any but Chewbacca and myself.
Thou art a skill’d and worthy pilot, and
I trust that thou shalt keep her safe.

—’Tis well,
I am persuaded, and shall take the ship
And leave with thee both gratitude and my
Assurance that I know how deeply thy
Heart stirs for her. Thus do I pledge: I shall
Take care of her as though she were my own,
And shall deliver her sans e’en a scratch.

[ aside: ] This Lando doth protest too much, methinks.
I was not nervous till he made his pledge.
[ To Lando: ] No scratch, indeed. I take with me thy word.

We part, thou pirate true. And Han, good luck.

To thee as well, good friend.

—Auugh.

—Nay, I think
The Empire had not Wookiees on their minds
When they design’d her, Chewie. Are we set?

I see the good Millenn’um Falcon yon,
And wonder how the die for her is cast.

Art thou awake, or dost thou slumber on?

A feeling tells me this look is my last.

Auugh.

—General, let us depart.

—Aye, true—
Now let’s see what this heap of junk can do!

The strangest feelings have been mine of late.
To know my son exists confounds my wits
As I did ne’er imagine. What is this
Confusion that doth obfuscate my mind?
For evil I am made, for punishment
Of foes, for conquering of peoples, and
To do the perfect will of my great lord
And Emperor. Of these I certain am,
For this hath been my role full many years.
Yet where within this surety is room
For offspring? For a son? What can a life
Liv’d on the dark side of the Force have still
To do with heirs, with flesh and bone that sprang
From me and that sweet life that once I led?
How can this Sith, this man of pain and death,
Be father to the fruit of far-gone love?
It seems well nigh impossible when one
Considers what I’ve been. For, verily,
I may not hide the man I truly am:
A warrior devoted to the cause
Of Emperor and Empire both. ’Tis who
I am: I must be mad when I have cause
And smile at no one’s jests. No humor doth
Give pleasure to my mouth or stir my heart,
Nor would I dare to ever love again,
If e’en this mess of tangl’d wires could love.
I am a Sith, most surely to be fear’d.
Yet that perplexing thing remains: a son.

What is thy bidding, master?

—Send the fleet
Unto the farthest side of Endor. There
Let it remain, until ’tis callèd for.

What of the recent news that rebels are
Amassing near to Sullust? Is it so?

It is of little consequence, for soon
This vile Rebellion shall be crushèd and
Young Skywalker shall know the dark side’s pow’r.
Thy work upon the Death Star is complete.
Thou shalt go hence to the command ship, and
Await my orders there.

—My master: aye.