Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Luke, thou shalt find that many of your truths
Depend entirely on your point of view.
It well may be that thou dost like it not,
But does not follow that it is not so.
’Tis true, that Anakin a good friend was.
When I first knew him, he already was
A pilot skill’d and swift, and it amaz’d
Me with what strength the Force work’d in his life.
I took it on myself to train him as
A Jedi. Even then I did believe
That I could train him just as Yoda could.
But there my fault did lie. Therein I fail’d.

I do believe it may be rectified.
What if he could be turnèd once again?
There is yet good within him—I can feel’t.

He is machine e’en more than man, I fear.
His soul’s an evil, tangl’d labyrinth.

I shall not do it, Ben.

—Thou canst not ’scape
Thy destiny. You must confront and face
Darth Vader once again.

—I shall not kill
My father.

—Then the Emperor hath won.
Thou wert our only hope the Empire and
The dark side to defeat. If thou wilt not,
No other shall arise to take our place.

But must this necessarily be so?
For Yoda spoke of yet another. Who?

No more of hidden pasts: thou shalt know all.
The other one of which he spoke is none
But thy twin sister.

—Sister? I know none.

Both thou and she were hidden safely from
The Emperor just after ye were born.
For he did know, as I do, that the kin
Of Anakin would be a pow’rful threat
Unto his reign of madness, might, and murder.
At birth, the two were separated: thou
Unto thine uncle Owen and thine aunt
Beru, on Tatooine, where I did watch
O’er thee as thou didst grow into a man;
Thy sister to a senator did go,
Apart from thee and thy dread father’s wrath.
There she did grow into a woman fine,
And has, since then, remain’d anonymous.

[ aside: ] O wondrous revelation to my soul!
A sister, and before me comes her face:
For surely Leia is my sister, else
My instincts have no truth in them. What news!
I know not whether to respond with shouts
Of greatest joy, or to shrink back in fear
And paralyzing shock at what we’ve done.
Three times hath she kiss’d me in friendship’s name,
The last of these more passionate than e’er
A sister should upon her sib bestow.
There is an ancient tale of Tatooine,
That tells of Tusken Raider who, through Fate
And circumstance, join’d with his mother in
A bond most strange and quite unnatural.
They liv’d in blissful ignorance of their
Relation until they discover’d it
By chance. And O, what awful times befell!
The Tusken Raider’s mother hang’d herself
Upon a bantha’s horn. The Tusken, in
His agony and grief, pull’d off his mask
And claw’d at his own eyes until they bled,
Then came dislodg’d, and finally pluck’d out.
He fell unto his knees and cried with pain—
Not merely pain to have his eyes remov’d,
But deeper pain that sear’d his very heart.
’Tis said that though he then could see no more,
He saw more clearly than he ever had.
At night, upon the sands of Tatooine,
His howl may still be heard, a warning to
Those who would break the sacred fam’ly bond
Through passions of the body. Shall this be
My fate, for crossing o’er the boundary
That none should cross, e’en once? I’ll warrant: nay.
Not only have I superstitions none,
But our brief moments of affection were
A trifle none could call a love affair.
I now see clearly but still have my eyes,
And may my sister know sans tragedy.
Thus, I do make a solemn, earnest vow:
I shall embrace my royal sister as
A pow’rful ally, and shall show to her
The path that surely leads unto the Force.
[ To Obi-Wan: ] ’Tis Leia, aye? My soul doth know ’tis she.

Thine instincts serve thee well, Luke. Bury now
These feelings, for they do thee credit but
May be manipulated and abus’d
If e’er the Emperor should learn of them.

It bringeth my heart joy to see thee, Ben,
I’ll heed thy counsel till we meet again.

My friend, well met! ’Tis good to see thee here
And not a’dangling o’er a sarlacc’s pit.
Thou wast promoted well—a general!

Belike our leaders were inform’d about
Mine actions at the battle of Taanab.

Cast not thine eyes on me for blame or thanks—
I did but tell them thou art pilot fair.
But knew not that they hop’d to find the one
Who would direct this crazy-brain’d attack.

Nay, “crazy-brain’d” thou sayst? How may that be,
Since thou dost know a thing or two of Death
Star battles and what it doth take to win?
Surpris’d I am that they did not ask thee.

But who hath said that they did not inquire?
Yet I am not of madness made. And thou,
Remember well, art fashion’d of respect.

I prithee, gather ’round, ye rebels all,
And mark ye well the message I relay.
The Emperor hath made a critical
Mistake, and our time for attack is nigh.
The data brought to us by Bothan spies
Details th’exact location of the vast
New battle station that the Emperor
Hath underta’en to build. We also know
This battle station’s weapon systems are
Not fully operational as yet.
Th’Imperi’l fleet is spread both far and wide
Throughout the galaxy, with hopes—quite vain
—
That they shall soon engage us in a fight.
And while the fleet’s away, the station hath
But minimal protection. This, my friends,
Would be good news enough, but there is more:
Reliable report hath come to us
That e’en the dreaded Emp’ror Palpatine
Himself doth oversee construction of
The Death Star, and is presently on board.
This news doth cheer us, friends, but pray recall
That many Bothans died to bring it here.
I call on Adm’ral Ackbar to unfold
Our plan so you may know your roles in this,
The final chapter of rebellion’s tale.

You may within this model see the Death
Star orbiting around the forest moon
Of Endor. Though the weapons systems on
The Death Star are not operational
As yet, the Death Star hath a strong defense:
It is secur’d by shield of energy
A’generated on the forest moon.
Deactivated must this shield be ere
We can attack. Then, when the shield hath been
Disarm’d, our cruisers shall take wing and fly
Within the superstructure to destroy
The main reactor. This attack shall be
Made by a squadron of our wingèd ships
Led by our General Calrissian,
Who is a worthy and a noble chap.