Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

Well, Hille poked around what files she could and there is some GI who died during childbirth in the VA hospital in St. Albans, near JFK. Nya Santiago was her name. I’m not saying that’s my birth mother. I’m just saying the timing works. She was all shot up with untested vaccines and for all we know, that’s what killed her. Maybe she was already dead when her kid was born by C-section. They don’t know where this mother had been posted or who the father was or anything else.

So this could be my birth mother, and maybe, technically, yours. I never have been sure how that all works. I’m very sorry that she died. But I am sure of one thing. If Cissy Fardo didn’t take me off the bus on Kissena Boulevard, none of us would be alive.

I got some more things to say about other people you heard about. Henry is still alive. Janet Delize is still alive.

Rini Jaffur%’otofha died of natural causes. All the Nassau County group died, except Lorena Hutz. Lorena Hutz is still alive.

Alma Cho is still alive.

Rauden—

I want to think if there is anything I forgot to say about what we do and do not get. Oh! Worms. I don’t know if they even have them where you are — but hook, pin, whatever, plus salmonella, hemophilus, shigella. Not a problem. I would watch out for snakes though. I personally never saw one and I think what they give you is really bad neurotoxins which as you know Ani and I were ok with, but if you see a snake, I would keep my distance. Be on the safe side.

People who are not hardy themself might not understand how this works and maybe you don’t either yet, but let me make one thing very clear. Remember I used to go off in boats with just anyone? That was not a hardy thing. That was foolhardy. Sometimes you got to be on the safe side, hardy or not.

But the see what happens thing is a little different. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between foolhardy and that. And the problem is, the see what happens thing, if I didn’t have it? You wouldn’t be born. I don’t even know if it comes from the genes. Ani had it in the end. I don’t know if you will. Lucie Benedikt has it, though she is different from Ani in so many ways.

I just know — well, this is about Ferron, because it turns out why he came looking for me in the first place, he wants me to find someone to clone the baby, who died with Ani, in the birth. He had saved the baby’s soma — that was what was in his bag, at Canastota! He saved the baby’s soma and Ani’s blood and took them away in the bag, and found cryoPaks somewhere. He has the baby’s soma, in storage, in cryoPaks, with Ani’s blood, and wants to find someone to do nuclear Transfer from it.

The baby’s name was Jack.

And this is what I’m saying about the see what happens thing. It turns out I still had it. I’m going to do it. I’m going to do the work.

Well maybe you think, here we go again. This dude wants to take advantage of me. Everyone does. Ferron is going to exploit me like everyone does. That’s what they always say. They never say it’s interesting. I’m going to do it.

It’s not even because I think this new kid will be my grandchild because he would of been Ani’s child if they lived. I hope Ferron will bring him for a visit, though.

But eit

her way, I’m going up to the Farm and see if I can make it happen.

Sometimes you hear people talk about how great it used to be, how they made viables from unprotected male/female sex and how much they enjoyed it. Well let me tell you, what I had osex I never enjoyed it as much as nuclear Transfer. What Rauden and I did, I enjoyed that so much. I loved it. Rauden did too. I’m not saying you would love it too, though I expect you would be good at it and might be in a situation where it was the only thing that worked. I’m just saying, I want you to know.

I don’t know whose eggs we will use. Some of mine could still be left on the property, after all these years. Or Lucie Benedikt could be Donor, if that is what she wants. I never wanted Ani to be a Donor or a Subject or any of that, but it was her life, not mine. And it is Lucie’s too.

Yours too.

So let me say a few last things. I’m not your mother. I’m not your birth mother. That’s not how it works. You have that in common with Ani. I wasn’t Ani’s birth mother. I was her mother, the only one that works, why is it tAt least though.

How I felt about Ani, and she is the only one I felt that way about — I really don’t think it’s unique, how I felt about her.

The whole unique thing — remember Rauden said what makes the baby grow is like words, that tell it what to be? Well, words can mean two things or more, like the Free School was not free, and Life is not life, but also bear the child or bear the pain or bear the animal or, you know, bear with me. Even mean can mean two things or more.

So genes could mean two things or more.

And not just Ani’s and Lucie Benedikt’s, and yours, but even Rauden and Henry, who had the same genes by being twins. It isn’t just that one is in the wheelchair and the other was Rauden. It’s more about, what Rauden said to me the last time I saw him, how he felt? Henry never felt that, and Henry even cared for me, but Rauden was the only one who cared for me that way. And what I’m saying is, the way I cared for Ani, look, I don’t want to say the wrong thing here, and I do care about you and am proud, but the way I cared about Ani, she is the only one.

She even still is.

To tell the truth, I’m pretty sure it is not unique, to feel that way. I hope it’s not unique.

I think I could bear to tell you about Rauden now. This was right around the time Ani and me were in Sparrowbush, just before she went off on her own. The K of L went on a raid and this time torched the Farm, and though most of the Quonset did not burn, they chased Rauden throughf unprotected

the woods and, well, you know what he’s like. He had a respiratory Episode and that’s it. Janet showed me where he’s buried. I knew all this a long time but could not bear to say it.

Well, something else happened in that raid that you should know. I only heard this after Ani died in the birth and Janet Delize was so nice. I m her grandson, young Phil. While they were chasing Rauden, Janet went back in the Quonset really quiet before they torched it. And maybe you reheard this fro