Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

I didn’t say that.

“You’re not stupid, yourself. How else did you manage to stay alive with what you’ve been through? Some New Life idiot hacks your reproductive system to shreds, and what were you, sixteen?”

Fifteen.

“And then, after all that — dear God!” He’s mopping his cheeks with his bathrobe collar. “You still like to see what happens.

“What I’m saying is, if there are others remotely like you,” he’s wringing the collar with his hands, “bring ’em on! But — well, I’m hardly a world traveler,” he’s wiping his hands on the robe, “but,” he has to stop and wheeze before he finished, “you’re certainly the only one like you I’ve seen. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met!”

Then he goes out of the room and I’m just like, what is this?

When he comes back he’s wearing regular clothes and looks pretty clean. I guess he wiped himself off. He looks me in the eye and says, “I might be a little out of my depth here, and ethically, I have my limits. But, I — if you end up dying just so Ani gets into the right school, that would seem a bit unethical, even for me.”

So, maybe more of Rini rubbed of">She sent a message saying she has changed her mind.

Maybe I am a bad mother. I mean, nobody’s that good a mother if they’re dead. But even if they are, as far as who had a life, Ani wasn’t the only one. I had a life too.

All I’m saying is, I changed my mind, and ok, if I had character, maybe I would not change my mind. Or maybe I would. I’m not exactly the world expert, what is character. All I’m saying is, if I did the Change and lost the hardy genes, when the next Epi came, who knows? I could of got sick and died. The viables that are in the freezers would still be born, because they are already made, but let’s just say I ever wanted to find those viables and tell them what happened. Who I am or who they are. If I did the Change and died, I never would.

Maybe they don’t care. Or maybe they rather not know. All I’m saying is, I have a life too. I have a Heritage too. I want someone to know what it is.

I really felt different after Rauden said what he said. I felt so different I just wanted to take a walk outside. I don’t know why! But it’s cold and he’s already shivering, so I just took a walk inside. I walked to the back of the Quonset. Rauden walked with me, wheezing, till I said, “R? Remember when you first did the work with my product, you used to run conventional IVF with my eggs and sperm from Sylvain’s hardy, just to see what happened? Did you ever do it with, you know, yours?”

He didn’t say anything. He just looked down at his socks.

“You never did it, right?”

He just looks at his socks, in the sandals.

“R. Come on. What? I could handle this.”

He just says, “It didn’t work.”

So when I heard that — because it meant he wanted it to work — I don’t know how to explain this. It’s like, inside my head is the sound the MagLev track makes? Hum!

All this time, we are both walking. It is a little stupid. But we are just walking the Quonset, back and forth. By now we reached the green light hoo-ha and turned to walk up front.

“When?” I said.

“A few times.”

“More than once?” Come on, I. Hello? That is what a few times means. Hum! “When was the first?”

“After the Buffalo series, when you went to Queens and declined to come back and do the work.” He is hanging his head.

That far back! Hum! “You mixed my egg and your sperm, in a dish?”

He is whispering, “It didn’t work.”

We’re at the front and are turning around to walk to the back again. “And were there other times? Other times you tried?”

So he is stopping to check a doorknob. Like that is so important. “I also did it after you had the Episode. From the Harvest after the birthday party.”

“The tenth birthday? But, R. There was only four eggs,” I said. “You used up one of four?”

“Two.” Oh, boy, he’s smiling now.

“You used up half the Harvest? ”

“It didn’t work.” So he is almost giggling now.

I am like, oh! Didn’t work! Tell me something I don a danger to herself of the kind ofon’t know. I was like, you used up half the Harvest? You knew it isn’t going to work!

Then I guess I was laughing too. I thought it was pretty funny too.

I said, “And were there others you tried with? I mean other eggs from other Subjects, that you mixed with your sperm in a dish?”

He shook his head and smiled. “No, you’re the only one.”

“I guess no one had product as hardy as me.”

So then he says, “It wasn’t a hardy thing at all. I just liked doing it.” Then he smiles again. “I missed you.”

So when he said that, it is not even a MagLev track thing, it is like one of those antigravitational devices, next thing you know, it’s going to push me to a tree, like Migan.

“I did use other male solos with other eggs of yours, from Sylvain’s collection,” he said, “but that never worked. I didn’t use Henry’s though. You probably wish I used Henry’s. It might have worked with his.”

I said, “You are the only one I would of wanted it to work with.”

And to tell the truth, until I said it, I didn’t even know that it was true.

“Show me how to do it, R. Come on. How much harder could it be than nuclear Transfer? I could do it right now, if you want to teach me,” I said. “If you have any more sperm on ice.”

He looks like he is near some antigravitational device, himself. “I might. Or I might be able to,” he coughed, “produce some.”

Remember airborne pathogen? We are like that. Remember hit the roof? At least the roof is there to stop us, if we are airborne now. We’re like the goddamn MagLev, we do not touch ground.

So he is checking out the freezers when I notice for the first time that a message came to my Reader. Who knows when it came? I didn’t check in all this time at the Farm.

It is some kind of hospital in the Bronx, and it sounds like they have Ani. Then they are breaking up.

Rauden is saying, what, and I tell him. So we’re just standing there.

He says, what hospital.

I don’t even know. I can’t get through.

So we’re just standing there. He says there could be Signal up the hill, where the corn grows in summer. We both are running up the hill, near the frozen corn fields, and try again. It doesn’t work.

It is so cold up here, Rauden has a hard time breathing. “They did say she is still alive?”

I forgot to ask.

So we went further uphill to the top, where there is some kind of backup generator gizmo, and I get Signal. “Ask them.” He is wheezing.

I ask them, “Is she still alive?”

It’s hard to hear but sounds like she’s still alive. I tell Rauden, “She’s still alive.”

So that’s it for the IVF with Rauden’s sperm.

We’re already running back down for the truck. We just race all the way to the bridge. I don’t even remember to tell him I’ll be back to do the IVF. I don’t even think about it till Yonkers.

I thought about it then. To tell the truth, I think about it now.

Then I forgot while I was running around the Bronx a danger to herself of the kind ofonCity Line, chasing down a shaw.

Then I’m in the hospital, trying to prove I’m Ani’s Guardian. They won’t even tell me if she’s still alive before I prove it. They got some fancy ID filter I never saw before, and the Guardian part on my ID is not coming through. They won’t even inform me, before the Guardian thing clears, she tried to jump off a bridge. I can’t even follow this. On Monday morning, the Armory van broke down right on the bridge. She climbed out a window and tried to jump over the side.