Carola Dibbell - The Only Ones

They had a little suit for her, white, with arms and legs. It has a picture of, I don’t know, I think it is a duck.

I mean, they cleaned her up first. She was a mess. But, you know, alive.

That I saw.

I only saw what shows through the rec room glass. They don’t think I should get in the tank room too, in case I bond. If I gave milk, they would take the risk. I didn’t give milk. I don’t know why I didn’t give milk. I don’t know why I would of if I did. All I know is, she needs milk from somewhere if she’s going to stay alive. They are putting a really small bottle of, I don’t know, milk Process, in the mouth.

When they were finished, she was still alive.

They put her in a box, what they call dry tank, or incubator, like I had seen those tiny Endangereds in at Larraine’s, that first night. It has glass in front. I have glass in front too, the rec room glass. They put a gizmo over her face so she can breathe. It worked! Clean them really good! otof very carefulaccine Syndrome. She woke up two hours later, still alive.

Then they are cleaning her up again.

Mariah says I should hold her, once. Nobody else wants me to hold her. They are afraid I’ll bond.

They would, like, sniff when they held her. Someone was singing.

I did hold her once. I didn’t bond. I gave her back to Mariah right away. I was afraid she’s going to slip right through her clothes, they are so big. Janet said the way she’s eating, they would not be big for long. When she ate, everyone stood around watching her eat.

She was two days old, still alive.

I still slept on the sofa. Rauden still didn’t sleep at all. He was a wreck. Janet too. A tank is one thing. A baby makes noise. Someone could hear her. Someone could figure out what we did. To tell the truth, she didn’t make that much noise. Janet was even concerned, something is wrong with her, she does not cry enough. Mariah Delize said, “What does she have to cry about? What a nice home she has here.”

She was just saying it to keep us from thinking what had happened.

She was three days old, alive, and Rini was gone.

This is not a viable, or embryo, or whatever she used to be. This is a child. A child needs to live somewhere. A child needs a home.

When Rini finally called, Rauden was so furious, he could hardly speak.

So it was me who did the talking. I was angry too. I told Rini, “You missed the birth.”

I don’t know where she is but the vid she came through is really bad. You could hardly see her face. You just see something dark. It goes, “How was it?”

I told the dark thing that is Rini, “Hard.” I didn’t know, compared to what. But I wanted Rini to feel bad she wasn’t there.

“And how is the child?”

“Alive.” I didn’t think she deserved more than that.

“Thank God! Thank God!”

She sounds so happy, I broke down and told her more. I told her the baby had twenty-four bottles. Janet and Mariah Delize did the feedings.

She had fingernails.

Rini says, oh! Bring her to the screen, but Mariah’s sleeping, Janet is out on a break, and Rauden and I were nervous to carry a baby that far. The connection went.

We felt a little better she called at all, but we still didn’t know anything. We all just waited for Rini to call again.

Mariah went home. Janet did all the work now. She didn’t really like me to touch the baby too much, and she thought Rauden would drop it. Janet didn’t seem to get much sleep. Rauden got no sleep, but then he never did. By the time Rini called back, we were all so tense, I didn’t even want to hold the phone. But Rini said she would talk only to me. “You made me a promise,” Rini said.

I was really angry now. “I didn’t steal the child. I didn’t even bond! Was I the only one who made a promise here?”

For a long time, Rini didn’t say anything. Man! Where is she finding these vidPhones? You could hardly see any part of her, everything is so blurry and dark. “That was not the only promise you made.”

Now I don’t say anything.

Now neither of us did. Then her voice goes, really soft, “If something happened.” Now even softer. “So?mime=image/jpg" alt="001" class="img3"/>

Remember she used to say, how do I feel? I felt something then. It was not good. “What happened?”

“I found Madhur.”

“Your daughter Madhur? ”

“She is my daughter now.” She had found two older girls in Delhi who had survived Mumbai and Luzon too. The oldest one’s name was Madhur. She had adopted them at once and changed the other one’s name to Madhur too. “I went halfway around the world to make Madhur,” Rini said, “and she was waiting here at home.”

Remember everybody was squeezing Madhur when she was born? That’s how I felt. Something was squeezing me. “What about this Madhur?”

“I give her to you.”

I just went and got Rauden.

“Rini. You really must stop changing your mind.”

You could see some blurry thing shake in the screen. It’s Rini’s shoulders. She is weeping. “I have made up my mind. I have found my daughters.”

“Oh damn you, Rini! Damn you!” Rauden got so mad he almost choked. “I knew something would happen if you went off in the last trimester.”

“What happened is my Fate!”

“What about your other Fate?” I said.

“Fate is what happens!” What happened was, Rini changed her mind. “In my heart I have always known this was not my child.”

“Rini!” I said. “If you take her, she will be.”

I could hear her sobbing. “I feel so responsible. I brought this child into the world.”

I told Rini, “Then keep her!”

Rauden told her, “This is a real child, Rini. Someone must goddamn take her.”

“Inez is not real?”

I go, “Rini! This is a special child! Don’t throw her away on me.”

She goes, “This child is gene for gene your living replica. Now tell me this — if she is gene for gene your living replica, how is she more special than you?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. I was pretty sure she was more special. I just couldn’t explain why.

Janet was very upset. “You just can’t let her take the child.” Janet thought I might do something really stupid. I did too.

Rauden was sitting on a sofa with his head in his hands. He was already exhausted. Now this. He looked ready to pass out.

“Rini!” I go. “If you don’t want this child, at least let someone else have her. Rauden could find someone.”

“Rauden would sell this child,” she goes. “This is not Rauden’s child to sell. I bought this child already! This is my child to give! I do not give this child to just anyone. I give this child to you.”

Rauden said, “Oh shit, oh shit.”

“You made a promise, Inez.” Rini’s voice is booming all over the rec room. “I make a promise too. If Rauden tries to sell the child to anyone else, you will all go to jail.”

Now, I want to say something here. I would never tell my own child I only took her so we won’t all go to that. I tell you that.t D thoughjail. But I say this, to you. It’s for her own sake I didn’t want to take her. It’s true I bonded with Ani, but she died, and after that I thought who knows how good I would of been for her, anyhow?

Janet Delize is totally opposed. If I take the child, that’s asking for trouble. If the baby and I were together this increased the danger someone would find out she was, you know. Someone could Alert the Authorities.

Rini heard her. “If you do not do as I say, I will Alert them, myself.”

“Rini!” I just kept trying to change her mind. “How can I keep a child alive?”

But she already changed her mind as much as she is going to. “The way you keep yourself alive. It will work for her the same way it works for you. And I will send you credit.”